Way OT: I Just Got Married

Congratulations! Hang on for one of the greatest roller coaster journeys of life (remember, roller coasters are fun).

1. Never leave the house without hugging and kissing.
2. Same thing at night: don't go to sleep without hugging and kissing.
3. Say "I love you" often.
4. Find out what her love language is and speak it to her. (my wife's is words of affirmation - every time she makes a meal I tell her how great it tastes)
5. "Husbands, love your wives...wives, respect your husbands." You need her respect but she needs your love. Give her what she needs, not what you want.

Congrats on the marriage!

Went to Punta Cana for the honeymoon with my wife. Started out well, but ended with a burst pipe in the room above us flooding our entire room and all of our belongings. And the resort kept gaslighting us, saying it wasn’t THAT bad and they blew us off about settling a refund until literally 5 minutes before we needed to head to the airport to go home - reducing our leverage to the point where we only got half the trip refunded. Overall terrible experience, and solid life lesson to never pay for a resort upfront on a debit card. 
 

Oh yeah, and on the flight home we got delayed in Charlotte for 5 hours and didn’t get home until 2 am when we both worked the next day. 
 

Moral of the story: never go to a Grand Palladium Resort and never fly into CLT.

I knew I picked the right woman though, when even through that entire experience, her and I were still able to enjoy each other. Life is gonna have some bumps, but if you’ve got someone by your side that can make you smile through all of it, it’s way easier.

I got married and then three weeks later I won a government sponsored trip to the beautiful country of Iraq! It wasn't planned that way I just happened to get orders after we planned our wedding. We did get to spend some time together in Hawaii (where I was stationed) before I left. It all worked out in the end as we are coming up on our 20th anniversary this December! Good luck and remember to communicate details that at first don't always seem important.

Congratulations! The married life is the good life!

I'm 24 years in with my wife (who I met at our beloved university), and I read something very early on that still sticks with me. Remember the 3 C's - Communication, Cooperation, and Conflict Resolution.

Always keep the lines of communication open, and communicate what's wanted/needed. 

Always cooperate - don't be dogmatic and intransigent. 

Learn how to resolve conflict - conflict happens, have rules for how resolve disputes, and how to argue. In the last few years, my wife and I have learned to text each other when arguing. You can get said what needs to be said without any emotional interruptions, and without misreading of body language, etc. That method has really helped when one party has misheard what was being said. 

Congrats again!

I snuck off base (29 Palms,CA) and drove to Vegas with my fiance to get married on a Saturday morning, she flew back to Michigan Sunday morning and my unit flew out Monday to the Persain Gulf.  I spent a few months in the Gulf as my honeymoon.  Had to sneek off base cause we were on air alert but we were told Monday would be the soonest we leave so I took a chance.

As for the second question, I'd say choose your battles

Congratulations man! Nothing is better than being married (that is, until you have a child and that 100% is the best thing in the world).

1. My wife wanted a Fall wedding. I was always opposed to the fall because well, you know, Michigan season (I'm a HS football coach as well). We were able to compromise and we chose a date where Michigan had a bye week. Yes, we planned our wedding around the Michigan Football Schedule.

We had a big Catholic wedding like my wife and I wanted. She was a convert to the faith, so we had the wedding at our home parish. The same parish where her and I received all of our sacraments. Standard reception in the city with over 300 guests. We did our Honeymoon in Siesta Key, FL. Fantastic experience and I would recommend anyone looking to go to Florida for a vacation to make a trip to SK and the Sarasota area. Lots to do and top notch beaches.

2. Cliche but it is cliche because it is true: Communication. Make sure you take time to talk things out with your spouse. Listen. Actually listen and not just wait to speak. Also, make time for you and her; especially once you have kids. Have date nights/you and her time. That goes such a long way. Also, if you are Catholic just remember: "There's No Quitting the Team" lol.

ATTACK EACH DAY WITH AN ENTHUSIASM UNKNOWN TO MANKIND...

together

0) congratulations to you both and best wishes for a wonderful marriage!

1) Wedding was in metro Detroit; honeymoon was in the Cayman Islands - both were fantastic

2) I have many thoughts on this but some get into faith that may or may not be your bag.  So if I were to generecize it a bit I would say (for whatever it is worth).  Learn and practice the ACTIVE LISTENING skill (seriously) 

i. Communicate - regularly talk about big things and small things and develop a healthy way to surface and deal with any conflicts

ii. Don't view it as 50/50 but as 100/100; you're BOTH all in and dedicated to making it work 100% and are constantly looking out for the others interests and the others preferences not keeping score on who did what and who owes what.  You're a team.

iii. Develop mutual interests you can pursue together.  That doesn't have to be EVERYTHING you do but you're both going to grow/change - that is life.  Doing that in a way where you can grow/learn some new/interesting things together.

Congrats man! Only tip I have is 'truth and trust" and never be too proud to apologize, it goes a long way...

1.  we went fly-fishing, snow skiing, bird hunting, jet boating, helicopter tour, wine tasting and some other stuff.  i spoiled her like no other thing in my life and the memories are priceless. 

2.  she is flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone, and if you love your wife as you love yourself, you will never hurt her in any way. wives must respect their husbands, but that is a two-way street and too many times either or both parties forget that.  we never have, but having handled divorces for decades, that is usually step one to heading to divorce, or at a minimum, an unhappy marriage.  

start each day with some (sincere) version of 'i love you' and 'what can i do for you today?'.   

and remember, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and finds favor with the Lord.  

Best advice, "Do what she is thinking not what she says"! 

My cousins' husband told me this at our couples shower and it is the truest truism I have encountered in my marriage. My cousin then punched her husband in the arm and said don't tell him that so I knew, then, there was some truth to it. 

My wife knows it is true and does not deny it but doesn't like it brought up too much (wonder why).

33 years into my life sentence (she doesn't like this reference either) since and we just had dinner up north with this same couple last week. Lots of laughs.

Congrats to you both on your life adventure.

1. Had our reception in a comedy club and they did live improv for us. We were a little nervous but it was a blast. Catered in some great barbecue, and it was a total blast. 

Honeymoon and such are so individual it's hard to give specific advice, but just make sure you don't plan things too tight time-wise. If you're in a rush you're introducing a bunch of potential stress into something that should be as relaxing as possible. We spent a couple days in Palm Springs and a few days near Joshua Tree and it was great. 

2. Give the benefit of the doubt, always.

1. Shotgunned it a bit since we had one on the way - looking forward to a honeymoon after the kids get a bit older.

2. We're hitting 11 years later this week, two things really stick out to me over those years that took us a bit to figure out that I would keep top of mind.

a. DATE YOUR WIFE.  The whirlwind will come, especially if you have kids and you must must must carve out time for yourselves.  It may not seem like it now as it's just you two but if you don't make time, it'll get gobbled up by other things and the relationship will suffer.

b. Appreciation and voicing that appreciation.  Letting someone know that you appreciate them and what they do will pay massive dividends for your marriage.  Goes hand in hand with respect.

Congrats and good luck on the path. 

We had a very brief honeymoon as my wife was her maid of honor's maid of honor the following weekend.  Former teammates on the Michigan women's gymnastics team, of all things.

Key to a long, happy marriage (going on 43 years) - mutual respect.

You really wont want my advice, currently going through a divorce after 13 years. I need to start another thread asking advice, Haha. Our honeymoon was a blast tho. Jamaica. 

1. Hawaii.

2. Pack your meds in your carry on because I almost died due to meds being stored in luggage, and then the luggage got lost when we arrived in Honolulu. The medication was her birth control.

Congrats. 
 

Married 10 years with natural ups and downs. The one thing that was a major blind spot for me is that you are not really marrying someone, but rather you are marrying their entire family as well. 
 

I get along OK with my in-laws. They live close and are around a lot, but it’s still stressful when they are around. If I didn’t get along with my in-laws, my marriage would have ended years ago. 

Congratulations to you and your bride.

1.  No honeymoon.  Left for military assignment on the Monday after the wedding.  But we did finally move into the smallest furnished apartment ever built and we were just happy to be together. 

2. Best tip for a long fruitful marriage.  Never stop telling her you love her and that she's beautiful.  Always let her know you desire her and that she makes you happy.  And when you argue do NOT bring up crap from the past. Once the argument is over, it's over.

Wedding advice: 1. Don't do a receiving line after the ceremony. Instead, spend time during your reception visiting with each and every one who came to celebrate with you. 2. Hire two wedding photographers, one to do all the formal portraits and such, and a second one whose task is to take candids and make sure that there is a visual record of all the guests. Years later you will spend more time looking at that photo album than at the one with all the formal stuff.

Honeymoon: It doesn't matter where you go, what matters is who you're with. We spent one night at a two-star motel in Ontario and a second camping at a Provincial Park, then came home and got on with the rest of our life-long honeymoon.

Long marriage: lots of great advice above. I'll emphasize the importance of humor: be able to laugh with and at each other, and especially at yourself. Neither of you is perfect, you will screw things up, so it's important to learn and move on, and then look back and laugh at your own previous stupidity. My late wife said she married me because I made her laugh; I married her because she laughed at my jokes.

Such good advice I posted twice!

1st honeymoon was Hawaii.  Got married on the beach with no guests.  Spent the week on Maui.  Marriage lasted two years.  We were never happy with each other, but we got married because we thought it was expected.

2nd honeymoon was South Africa.  Got married on top of Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park, spent a few days in Maine, flew to NYC and caught a plane to Johannesburg.  We actually took our friends with us to South Africa, because we were older and the whole 'just us' thing didn't really apply.  One of the most amazing trips I have ever taken.

To me, the honeymoon doesn't set the stage for the marriage.  You've known each other long enough that the foundation should already be there.  Make sure to communicate with each other.  Listen instead of waiting to talk.  Be okay if she has different interests/hobbies than you.  Take time away from each other so you don't lose touch with yourself.  Her friends don't necessarily need to be your best friends, but be nice to them.  Be sure to take time away from work so that you don't end up ignoring her.

I was 18, my wife was 16. Teenage pregnancy. I kept looking at the ring on my finger.

We went to Greenfield village.

Spending our first night together 'legally' was wild; I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face.

So, we've been married for over 40 years. The key to me is to remember how you felt for one another, and how special the bond is. To respect that bond, and to make sure you pay attention to one another as the years pass. 

Don't hurt her heart, bring joy into her life.

Congratulations! May the Lord bless your union! 🎊 👏 

My 15 year anniversary is coming soon.   Here's what I've learned along the way.

• Show respect to your wife under all circumstances
• I recommend a full integration of your finances
• Hard times will come.  Make sure they bring you closer together, and don't let them drive you apart. 
• Many years ago I took the view that "there's no piece of ass in the world worth throwing away what I have at home".  That's the whole picture - pleasant, good looking wife and wonderful kids. 
• The single greatest thing I ever pulled off in my marriage...  when we had 2 sets of married friends wrapped up in affairs and other marital bullshit, one day I spontaneously said "if the biggest problem in YOUR marriage is that your husband plays a lot of golf, you have a pretty good marriage".    Turns out I get to play a lot of golf.  

Congratulations! Marriage is awesome.

1. Honeymooned in the Rockies and we had a great time. A mix of stuff to do and just spending time together.

2. A long and fruitful marriage is both great and 100% achievable.

• Commit to the fact that you’re in it together. Don’t start thinking about plan B the first time things get tough. Of *course* it gets tough, that’s life. Love is way more than feelings.
• Forgiveness is vital. Forgiving for individual events, and forgiving someone for who they are—you and your wife will both grow and improve in areas in your life, but there’s at least a thing or two that will bother the other that never changes. Learn to look past that and not bring it up even when upset.
• Life will be significantly better if you two learn how to express disagreement in ways that aren’t cruel and/or categorical. Instead of accusations like “you always do _____” describe things in terms of how it makes you feel. “I feel frustrated when you leave your dirty socks on the floor.” Etc. Managing disagreements in gracious ways really helps.
• See your spouse as someone to meet the needs of rather than as someone who exists to meet your needs.
• Keep your eyes and desires only for your wife. Your sex life will be way better if you avoid pornography. Frankly, people would be *amazed* what a difference it makes. 

I'm 15 years in. Always be honest. Always be open. My honeymoon sucked, local hotel and plane back to med school the next day. Do not let things get stale/routine. You might feel things are going great but mid 30s she'll want to kick things up, you'll see. 

My wife and I had a long weekend in Chicago. As far as the honeymoon, my expectations and my wife's were a bit different.  Once we talked to each other it was fine.

Martial advice: accept each other as you are warts and all. 

Marriage and parenthood are by far the two toughest things I've ever faced in my life, so I speak from my own experience. My biggest tip for a long and fruitful marriage is to be committed to working through your issues. They may be small, or they may be large, but at least some will arise. And if they are of the larger variety, that's the inflection point of am I/are we committed to working through it, or am I/are we bailing. Now you only have a 50% say in the matter, at least as it comes to working through things. Your wife can bail even if you want to work through it. But a successful marriage requires a lot of work.

In terms of a honeymoon, unfortunately I got married during the pandemic, so our dreams for a honeymoon in Hawaii got shelved. Instead we took a "mini-moon" long weekend to Tennessee a few weeks after the wedding. We still intend to do our actual honeymoon trip someday, although having a kid now complicates that a little.

So I guess that leads me to another piece of advice, married life doesn't always go the way you planned. So how you adjust goes a long way to how the marriage will go.

As to your first question - 36 hours before I got married, my best man gave me a black eye.  It made for an interesting next couple of days and honeymoon

feed your spouse, your schedules are different, stop hangriness before it starts

just don't have much in the way of expectations. especially unspoken ones. but your spouse is gonna do what they wanna do. up to you to love and care for them through it. not up to you to change them to make it more comfortable for you

Congratulations!!

I will be going on 32 years this September 14.  It’s easier to remember because it’s the day Desmond Howard made the catch. IKR who gets married in the fall on a big game day?  Well the 1st lesson in marriage is compromise. It was the only day she could get the church and the reception hotel she wanted.

A couple of my groomsmen had mini TVs to watch the game in their coat pocket with earplugs that made them look like secret service agents. My one buddy who played hoops at UofM forgot to turn his off for the religious reading and you could see the glow on his chin. We drove around in the limo a few extra blocks just to listen to the catch and then then the party was on.

Honeymoon was in Xtapa Zihuatanejo. We put all of our cash into my wife’s fanny pack going through Mexico City so as not to get pick pocketed. A huge Mexican dude purposely cut and triggered the XR machine and the 10 cops on the other side took the pack and all of our money, travelers checks and one credit card. Luckily I had removed the four FSU tickets that were a wedding gift.

Remember the positively absolutely over night commercials?  What a bunch of shit we didn’t get a replacement credit card until the Friday before we were leaving and had to charge everything to our room. The hotel manager was getting nervous. We had some money wired western union and I’ll never forget walking into this tiny little bank with my wife on a hill just outside of town with four Cops on horseback with shotguns. I did not feel safe.

All is well that ends well and I am sure there are some metaphors for life and relationships in there.

Best of luck. Find more compliments than criticism. Be respectful. And fuck dirty and fight fair. 

1.  Congrats!

2.  9/11 happened over our honeymoon, so the highlight was giving blood together as well as the tropical storm that rolled through.  

3.  Long and fruitful marriage (20+ years in here) - figure out and deal with the baggage you brought to the relationship; be patient with her as she does the same; have a common faith / outlook on life; seek to be a complement to one another; share future goals; be nice, be forgiving, remember that it isn't all about you; actively pursue peace/reconciliation; put down the phone/get off mgoblog.  

The best two bits of advice I got before getting married:

1) Before an argument, decide "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be married?"

2) If you do decide to argue, make sure you check in with your feelings when fighting. Men tend to stick with logic, but you will be more successful if you say "when you do this, it makes me feel this way" instead of "here's a six point checklist of why I'm right and you are wrong."

1. Never took a honeymoon

2. Separate bedrooms 

Some sound honeymoon advice is to have a LOT of sex.  I mean every chance you get.  This extends into the marriage when you get home.

Over time, focus on the relationship and heed the many pearls of wisdom provided here.  But don't miss this opportunity.

Congrats man and good on you for not getting married in the fall! We had a small wedding and a large honeymoon. We rented an RV and spent five days in Yosemite, then to Napa for a couple days and back down to Carmel by the Sea. 

Always listen to each other. Keep open communication, even if its uncomfortable. Never forget the little things - opening doors, holding hands, etc. 

As someone who will be celebrating 25 years on May 9th (52 years today for my parents):

Communicate often, and know when to shut up. :)

I show Peggy my love for her by showing up and doing my job at Strickland Propane day in, day out. When I’m really feeling it, a gentle pat on the shoulder sends her right over the edge.

1. Hawaii. No emotions, other than it was a good honeymoon, if you know what I ... 

2. Good Honeymoon: Just focus on your wife and her needs

    Good marriage: Just focus on your wife and her needs