Way OT: I Just Got Married

Congrats on the largest commitment you will ever make.  That right there is the start, as long as you and your lovely wife view the marriage as a commitment to each other and a life that you both want to share, you are off to a great start.

Honeymoon - Alaska tour and Cruise.  A must do bucket list.  We flew into Fairbanks and took the 2 day train ride down to Anchorage with an overnight stop in Denali.  Then a 7 day cruise from Anchorage to Vancouver.

As for a long and successful marriage (My 25th anniversary is coming up this September) - there have been many excellent points provided already, here is a summary of some that I liked:

1) communication - My wife constantly told me when we first got married "Its not WHAT you say but HOW you say it".  If you say something nice, but lack sincerity forget it.  If you want to talk about an disagreement.  Speak calmly and remember that you have 2 ears and 1 mouth, so that means you should be listening twice as much as you speak (Grandma sage advice)

2) Know what your big decisions are (goals) in marriage and don't sweat the small stuff...

3) If you are planning on kids, have a very good understanding on how the both of you are going to raise them.  How are they going to be educated, what are the expectations?  How are you going to handle the discipline, are you on the same page?  What do you want for your children?

4) Adapting and adjusting as you grow together.  Who you and your wife are today will not necessarily be the what you will be in 10, 20 years from now.  Growing together is the key.

5) Celebrate the victories both large and small in marriage (birth of a child of course) but a job promotion, trying something new and finding that you are good at it.  My wife initially told me when we first met that she was not a creative person, yet today she has you own craft business selling her stuff at 4 crafts stores as well as out of our house

6) Don't go to bed angry.  If there is something that you need to talk about, communicate and listen.  Don't let it fester overnight.

7) Balance - One person noted to get your Adult stuff done before having kids, that is very true.  But even when you have kids make sure that you can set aside even a little bit of time for each other consistently.  You and your wife will need it for your sanity.  Just even a hour or 2 with each does wonders to "remember" who your partner is and makes for a solid foundation in your household for your kids.

There is a saying that I really like.

Marriage is like a Rollercoaster.  There are ups.  There are downs.  There are twist and turns but it is a thrill all the way through

Lots of very good advice on here. Really agree with most of it. Will be 19 years for me in September (got married on a Saturday just after Lloyd Carr’s boys farted around with SDSU long enough to make it uncomfortable). Honeymoon was in Tahiti, which is a long trip, but unbelievable.

One last piece of advice I’ll add: never go to bed angry. As others have said many multiple times, communicate—don’t let bad feelings fester. Deal with it, talk it out, resolve it (however that can be done), and move on with the love and enjoyment of your togetherness.

Congrats!!

edit: poster just above beat me to it while typing. Great minds, I guess…

1) Married Up North, honeymoon in Italy

2) Don't bury frustrations or arguments. Talk about them. That was one of the biggest adjustments for me. And when you have an argument or fight, remember that it's not you vs. her, it's the two of you vs. the problem. 

Condolences 

congrats!

id offer the same tips most give, assuming you married the right person with shared values plus good sense of humor.  laugh as much as you can, every day.  keep it playful and passionate.

and while kids are a blessing and parents have duty to raise them right, they dont run the show - your duty to your partner came before those kids.  all involved benefit if you guys remain strong.

few years ago we built 30 min into our morning routine to drink coffee or go for walk, chat about upcoming day, etc.  were deliberate about it and its been helpful

Congratulations, my friend! 

1) What we did was a decent sized blowout in New Orleans. Probably 125-ish people, so not too big, but not too small. Great outdoor wedding during the first week of April, during French Quarter Festival, so the weather was perfect and there was already a built-in excuse to come to town anyway.

We made the festivities really informal (i.e. no specified serving time, everyone getting the same entrees, etc.). We just catered from our favorite restaurant in New Orleans, Jacques Imo's, went buffet style and let everyone go to town. Not a ton of emotion, my wife teared up a little bit but nothing out of the ordinary. Heck, we even had a bar open during the ceremony anyway. We just didn't want an overly formal wedding. We wanted everyone to have a fun time, and honestly no close calls or disasters that I can think of during the wedding day. My wife had a bit of a moment the day before where she just told my MIL she was done making decisions and said, and I quote,

"I don't care if you put the band in the fucking bathroom, I'm not making anymore decisions!"

Honeymoon was two weeks in Spain and Italy. We are really not the "go sit on the beach or sit in the pool and do nothing" kind of couple. We want to get up, explore and see new places. Five days in Barcelona, then we trekked over to the Amalfi Coast for a few days, then up to Florence for another few days, and then Rome for the final two days. If I could've done one thing over about the honeymoon, it would've been to skip Rome altogether. Truthfully we only ended in Rome so we could get a direct flight home, but I would've rather spent the extra two days in Florence or in Positano and dealt with getting a connecting flight somewhere. Rome during the summer is misery if you're not a fan of the heat. But it was the best vacation I ever took, hands down. 

2) Best tips for a honeymoon? You should plan on only having one, so make it a memorable one. If you've got to pay a little extra to do and see exactly what you want to do, then do it. Don't freaking settle. We paid quite a bit of money for our hotel suite in Positano, but given the breathtaking view we got from our balcony and how we could just sit out on the porch, drink great wine and take all the scenery in, I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. 

Also, book early. I must've saved us at least a couple hundred bucks, if not more, booking everything out 5-6 months in advance. I'm a planner and I like to know the plans for all the big stuff is in place when I get there.

Lastly, and this is especially if you're traveling somewhere from far away, DO NOT MAKE ANY PLANS THE DAY YOU GET THERE. We were so exhausted after we got off the plane, but we loved just knowing we could walk around town with nowhere to be, nowhere to go, and eventually we just wandered into a bar right on the beach and drank sangrias for a few hours. We then went to Las Ramblas, picked up a bunch of cheese and wine, enjoyed it back at the hotel, and then spent the rest of the evening bar-hopping.

I did throw up at around 5am as I had too much, but by 8 I was ready to go for our walking tour. 

Congratulations!

Going on 34 years here. Came out of wedding to an ice storm (don't get married in Michigan in December).

It's easy to prioritize a lot of things--especially work--and not have anything left when you get home. Marriage is great but sometimes it's work. Don't give everything to everyone else and nothing when you get home. Prioritize your marriage.

Condolences.

First off.  Congrats!

For you married folks, what did you do for your wedding

Small ceremony -- immediate family and close friends.  About 50 people.  September, outdoors, Colorado.

and/or honeymoon?

Backpacked the Inca trail.  Didn't shower for a week.  Love is (nose) blind.

What are your best tips for a long and fruitful marriage?

1.  Hopefully she's your best friend.

2.  Let stupid shit go.  Life is short.

3.  Marriage is a checking account.  You need to put more into it than you take out.   

Congrats!

Treat your new family as well as you can, and don't try to out-happy happy

1. We actually did what you did and had an initial portion of our honeymoon we spent in Palm Beach for adult time, and then joined her kids for Disney for the rest of it. Was far more expensive than the wedding itself. The ceremony and reception were both outside, and it did rain a bit that morning but was otherwise beautiful on the edge of the blue ridge mountains in Virginia in her parents' front yard.

The worst thing that happened is we had a bridge closed nearby for repair, but that was the way the GPS told people to go. We TOLD people to print out directions, old school mapquest style, because internet is not a thing that exists that far out in the woods. But of course, some people got lost and never did find the wedding, including a family friend who drove out from Michigan. So that sucked, but for those who were there, the wedding went off without a hitch. DJ kinda sucked and flirted with my sister but that's DJs for you I guess.

2. Honeymoon did have an ER visit while we were in Palm Beach due to food poisoning. Don't microwave pizza that isn't supposed to be microwaved because you're too lazy to get real food because that involves putting clothes on. That's my advice. As far as a long and fruitful marriage, we've only been at it 6 years in June, so really my pizza advice is probably more sound than anything.

Regardless, I'd say that being committed to growth as individuals is one of the most important things. It's easy to get relaxed and settle in once the gleam of the wedding and honeymoon and being newlyweds begins to wear. You're going to find things out about each other that you didn't know before and it'll drive you each off a cliff sometimes. What we've found is it makes a big difference when both of us, on our own (without a ton of nagging from the other) initiates growing as a person in a way that benefits the other. It might also benefit you and others around you too. But being humble about your flaws, particularly the ones that bother your spouse, and putting in the work to change goes a very long way to make things last. I'm proud of the ways that my wife has grown, and I'm proud of the work I've put in to match.

Congratulations on the vows. Now, on to keeping them!

Congratulations! 
 

Been married 17 years this August. 
Couple tips to mention. 
1. Trust each other 2. Don’t fight/ argue over money.3.  Find some common interests. Wife love’s going games with me. 
 

We went to the Mayan Rivera for our honeymoon and loved it. 

Congrats to you tennislabeef!

1)  Coming up on 32 years next month. The best things in life often are unplanned. The Gulf War changed our plans to honeymoon in Paris, so last minute we went to the Canadian Rockies Railroad Hotels ( Banff, Lake Louise, etc.) and it was terrific. The next day a very nice MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) was on our flight to Calgary talking Wings-Flames with us.

2) Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus had a point or two that has been a life saver. I have spent most of my life solving problems ( MBA and ex Mansplainer). My wife just wants me to hear her problems and for me to SHUT UP and LISTEN to her, empathizing, and not offering advice.

Also remember no wedding, parenting, or marriage is perfect so don't stress about trying to please others. 

congrats!

I got married when I was 19 my bride was 17. everyone said we were stupid for doing it. they have all been divorced at least once and we just celebrated our 25th. small family affair, cuban cigars and obscenely expensive scotch and port wine at the reception. father-in-law liked to flash his money. honeymoon? couple nights in a fancy hotel outside of town. i mean, she wasn’t even a legal adult and we were still kids so no fancy honeymoon. though we felt like big shots in that hotel though, and we have made up for it with some exceptions vacations since (Monterrey peninsula, Mexico, etc.).

tips for long marriage? i have no idea. i married by best friend. the person I would want to be stuck with in a bunker if the world ended. we’re just lucky we get along so well. we’ve had rough patches but for the most part we never argue. we do everything 50:50 (clean cook chores) except for some thing i do (yard work, she not coming near my power tools/tractor) and some things she does (i get lost at at the grocery store beer aisle so I’m not allowed as i slow her down). she decorates the house however she wants, i decorate my shop and fix things. we agree on how and where money is allocated, which accounts, etc.

i guess honest communication is important too. i can’t fathom lying to her

Mazel Tov to you and Mrs. labeef.  My suggestions:  Don't ask how much anything costs and don't ask where she put something.

congrats all the way!!

Ours:

1. Wedding at a museum in Indianapolis

2. Honeymoon for 3 weeks in Iceland (all-time favorite trip for two adventurers; orange and purple crags as far as the eye could see; then geysers, ditto; then a landscape with volcanoes like chickenpox; then glaciers, ditto; then iceberged lagoons, ditto; then black sands to every horizon; then hikes and a swim (clearer than the Caribbean!) in the crevice separating the American and European plates); then torrential rivers and waterfalls, ditto; then a 3-day fire-breathing Icelandic folk music festival in the caldera of a freaking volcano on the Westman Islands!
I may never find a place that changes more dramatically mile by mile; the memories never stop filling the head and heart!!)

Advice:

1. Work hard at communicating and even harder when it’s hard

2. Choose kindness; choose tenderness

Best advice comes from Bo... The Team. The Team. The Team. You and your wife (and any kids you have) are the team. Live for each other. Put the team's needs above your own. You'll be fine. 

Bo says it better than me: https://youtu.be/UrvwWfIeHu0

Happy wife is a happy life.Go home when the work is done and stay out of singles bars.

We met country western dancing, so we had an outdoor BBQ style wedding/reception.  Pretty casual.  Catered BBQ  with tubs of ice cold beer and soda.  Hired the DJ from the CW nightclub to come and teach the two step and line dances good times.  Wifes father assigned us a week at a time share in Cancun.  So first night of honeymoon was spent sleeping on chairs in Houston airport waiting for th etransfer to Mexico. Advice for honeymoon, don't plan anything, just let it happen and respond to opportunities.

Marraige, I will give you tips for a happy marraige when I figure that one out.  As someone else said, a sincerely delivered yes, you are right dear.  Is important.  Paying attention to what she is really saying is probably more important, and where I still fail after 30 years.

The wife and I just finished 50 years. The secret- two words "Yes Dear".

Congratulations, mazel tov, kudos!

My best tip: get off MGoBlog till after your honeymoon!

What have you done? 
 

/s maybe.

Got married at Bellagio in Vegas. I wrote one check and got a wedding, reception and honeymoon. I used to add, yeah, it was a big check ... but seeing what people spend on weddings these days I don't say that anymore.

Best marriage advice (actually apropos whether you have kids or not) is from Rev. Theodore Hesburgh: "The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother."

My first marriage was a disaster. I married a Bridezilla and the entire wedding, along with the months leading up to it, was too stressful.  That was a red flag that I kept pushing away. My second marriage has been awesome.  We got married at the courthouse, took about 20 minutes and had a great time with friends and family afterwards.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. It will pay off in your marriage down the road.  It gets harder to do as you get older.  You can't take care of your wife if you can't take care of yourself.

Thoughts and Prayers.

Yes

Took my honeymoon in Hawaii on Waikiki beach.  

let her make damn near any decision she really cares about.  What restaurant, paint color, what color of impatiens. Doesn't matter.  Just maintain some sort of veto power over things that just don't make sense.  You'll know about some subjects that she doesn't and in those realms you'll need to take the lead.  Otherwise just be obedient.  Life will be easier.  As for a relatively inexpensive, domestic honeymoon??? NEW ORLEANS!

Congrats!  We had a very small wedding (16 people) in 2020, and a lovely honeymoon in Asheville, NC.  Clearwater is a great choice!  My advice is to appreciate your marriage and home as a fortress against the problems that plague the world.  Find peace and support in each other, and be honest and open.  The biggest thing is to be forgiving of each other.

When you forgive your wife and take her faults upon herself, you are making her faultless and without blemish.  Who would not benefit from being married to someone without blemish?

Been married for 23 yrs and we have been together for 30. My best bit of wisdom for you is people say a marriage is 50/50 relationship.It is not it is a 100/100 relationship.

Go Blue

Congratulations!

Congratulations!  We honeymooned in Hawaii and had a wonderful time.  (Not planning anything the day we got there was a good call, and sunset on the crater was just as spectacular as sunrise.)

I will second the advice about communication and discussion.  There are few things more frustrating than fighting about something that doesn't really matter just because someone had to win or be right.  If being right is more important than both of you being happy, marriage (or any partnership or close relationship, really) is going to be a hard road.

If I stop and think about whether it matters, I often find that it does not really matter, and I can let it go.  The flip side is that when something really does matter, the discussion is more about why it matters and what we should do, rather than why I'm right and everyone else is wrong.  Focus on the problem and how you can solve it together (and remember sometimes the problem is not what you think it is!).

Really, the best advice is to enjoy the marriage and your new partnership.  Focus on the two of you together; that's what's important.

Congrats to you and your wife. My father used to say communication and compromise are the keys to a successful marriage but he got divorced three times so I would take that with a grain of salt. My advice is don't hold grudges. Listen to each other -- really listen -- and acknowledge that there is someone else in the marriage beside you (she should do the same). Get on the same page when it comes to finances. Money can cause a lot of issues in a marriage. Do small things that will let her know you appreciate her (she should do the same). And then finally, laugh together as often as possible. 

Congratulations T Labeef!  Regarding the honeymoon, no advice necessary from me except for - enjoy!!!!!!

I have been with my lovely Indy wife (from southeast Michigan) for 18 years.  My best advice - stay humble and study your wife. The more you really know her interests, preferences, strengths, weakness, hopes, fears, tastes, and dreams, the more you will admire and appreciate her. The infatuation, attraction, and intrigue of the honeymoon phase is awesome!  But the hard work of studying your wife, at times self-sacrificially, is where the real richness begins.  
Also, if you have a shared faith and world view, this can help bond you to one another in an often challenging, divisive, and broken world. Stay open to creating more unity in this realm - it can be a stronghold when the storms come, which they will. Weathering the storms together can create the fruitful marriage that you seek.  You got this, congratulations!!!

I had financial/economics/investment YouTube videos on everyday during COVID to recondition her mind to think like an investor. It seeped into her subconscious and she’s stopped spending into oblivion. The Daily Amazon packages have slowed. You two have to be on the same sheet of music regarding finances.

Take it from a Reverend who has officiated at over 50 weddings: don't waste too much time, energy, or (especially) money on the wedding day. It'll be over before you know it and you won't remember or care about much of it even five years later. It's one day. Invest more time, energy, and effort in your marriage. Lord willing, that will last a lifetime. 

As far as advice for your marriage goes, I have two encouragements:

1. Serve your wife in every way you can. View that as your first priority when you wake up and last thing you do before you go to bed. If you can do something to help her or make her life easier, do it--whether or not she sees or knows you're doing it. Put her goals and dreams ahead of your own and trust she'll do the same for you. When the thing that makes you most happy in life is to see your wife happy, you'll never be unhappy again. 
2. Grow in your ability to listen to and hear your wife. When she vents to you, you'll be tempted to try and fix everything for her. Most of the time, however, she'll simply want you to listen. Listening is one of the best and easiest ways to do #1 above. Bonus: if you get really good at listening, you'll never have to struggle over a birthday or Christmas present again, because she'll have already told you what she's interested in and hoping to receive.

Blessings on your marriage! It's the best life there is. 

1. We got married, had a party with friends, the went off for a few weeks to Jamaica the very next day.
2. My best advice is don’t listen to advice (specially from the internet), listen to your wife. Every marriage is different so do what works for you. Life is weird so go through the weirdness together.

Congrats! Stay off MGoBlog while you’re in FL

One word answers both questions: anal. Especially at Disney.

I agree with the don’t got bed angry.  Also, in every argument put yourself in each others shows and see their viewpoint.  We are all good at arguing our own side.  
Hope you have a long lasting marriage!