Way OT: I Just Got Married
Well ladies and gentlemen, the day finally came this Saturday for me to make my beautiful fiancée my wife. Those of you who have had the opportunity to experience this special day know the roller coaster of emotion that it brings.
My newly minted wife and I are kicking off our honeymoon down in Clearwater and then over to Orlando to give the mouse our money. For years she has opined that I have spent far too much time on this here website, but today is the day where I can really show her what you guys are good for! So, two questions:
1. For you married folks, what did you do for your wedding and/or honeymoon? Lots of emotion? Any close calls to disaster?
2. What are your best tips for a great honeymoon AND a long and fruitful marriage?
I always appreciate this board’s insight, and look forward to seeing your responses. Go blue!
Mazel!
April 17th, 2023 at 10:05 AM ^
Or as Jewish people sometimes say in Ann Arbor: Mazel Blue!
Learn to use the phrase, "yes, dear". You'll be amazed how often it comes in handy.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:03 AM ^
But you have to sound sincere. Been working for me for 29 years.
First...congrats...
1. For you married folks, what did you do for your wedding and/or honeymoon? Lots of emotion? Any close calls to disaster?
Spent a week in Toronto and fought the whole time. Only sort of kidding. We had lived together for the two years proceeding the marriage so the honeymoon was a bit anti climactic.
2. What are your best tips for a great honeymoon AND a long and fruitful marriage?
As you can surmise from the above I can't offer any good tips on the honeymoon. As for the long and fruitful part I can offer this: Treat each other with respect and never go to bed angry. Whatever it is work it out before sleep. Waking up the next day still angry will make it two shitty days instead of one and then who knows when it will end.
As for her thinking I spend too much time on this site (which I do) I suspect she charitably concludes its better than porn or gambling.
Well said, Robbie. I would add one addendum to your point 2:
When you are clearly in the wrong, swallow your pride and say, "You are right, I am wrong. Please forgive me. I love you." Some very hard words to speak but they are gold, Jerry. Gold!
1) Congratulations to you and your bride!
2) For years she has opined that I have spent far too much time on this here website, but today is the day...
...to maybe heed her advice (at least until after the honeymoon) ?
My wife used to refer to this blog as my mistress
April 17th, 2023 at 10:26 AM ^
Was keeping my eye out for this comment haha
My honeymoon was right during recruiting-palooza in 2012 when we had like 8 commits on the same weekend.... my wife was not happy I was on the website so often
1. Rented a house in Lanikai for the family to stay for a destination wedding. After a week of festivities, got married. My wife never cries, but did that day during the vows. It sounded like she was choking and throwing up at the same time. Scared everyone. Turns out they were tears of joy? I dunno. Probably sick. Anyway, mom was happy to see her two favorite kids get married that day and make it official.
Honeymooned alone on the big island.
2. Spend your marriage working to build on the respect your wife has for you and hope she does the same. Make sacrifices unselfishly. Both of you should be the kind of people the other would look up to and admire. While you may be family forever regardless, do that day in and day out and you're both going to be happy.
Anyway, mom was happy to see her two favorite kids get married that day and make it official.
Username...checks out?
April 17th, 2023 at 10:06 AM ^
Gotta be a typo, right? 'Her' two favorites?
April 17th, 2023 at 10:08 AM ^
Yeah, I guess. I mean she could only have one favorite.
April 17th, 2023 at 12:29 PM ^
Rule #1: Mom is always right.
Rule #2: If you don't understand rule #1, the forecast is pain.
Lyndon Johnson's two rules for a lasting marriage:
1. Tell the lady you will give her everything her heart desires.
2. Then give her everything her heart desires.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:46 AM ^
I looked all over the map for Lanikai in Kentucky and Tennessee and couldn't find it. Then I saw some pretty big islands in Norris Lake and figured it must be the name of a family spot.
Here is my tip for a long marriage… Never tell her that your online persona is named Tennis Labeef. You just keep Labeef to yourself
April 17th, 2023 at 12:15 PM ^
Don't worry. After a few years he'll be keeping labeef to himself.
l kid, I kid.
You kid for sure. I didn't know it was supposed to be years.
You’ll encounter many important decisions and choices in your married life. Few as important as this: You can be happy or you can be right.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:41 AM ^
"The three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything which is:
does this need to be said?
does this need to be said by me?
does this need to be said by me now?
Three f'ing marriages it took me to learn that."
-- Craig Ferguson
Otherwise, just be grateful for each other and extend grace to each other and you'll figure everything else out.
(25 years together this year; heading to Florence Italy in the fall to celebrate)
Congrats! My advice would be to remember that you win and lose together.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:10 AM ^
^^ This sums it up - the marriage is a partnership. Its TEAM work. I will be hitting my 8 year anniversary in May. Only made it to 4 years in my first marriage. The first marriage fizzled in large part because our visions for how to coexist, and grow, did not align.
The honeymoon that counts took place in Africa. Half the trip in South Africa doing safaris. The second half in Mozambique on the Indian Ocean relaxing. I have been all over the world and I can not recommend this enough.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:14 AM ^
I Agree! Also...
I learned a lot from my first marriage and implemented what I learned in my second marriage. Going on eleven years of wedded bliss! Here’s the key: stop arguing and start communicating.
You can dramatically reduce relationship arguments when you stop accusing your partner of being the problem. When you throw out accusations, it automatically puts your partner on the defensive – and people on the defensive say and do things they don’t mean and that are not productive.
Make the conversation about your own feelings and own your insecurities by using “I statements” rather than “you statements.” “I statements” start with “I feel” and express nonjudgmental emotions. They open up the conversation to your partner to talk about their own feelings, and how you both can come to an agreement.
Laugh if you want, but it works!
My condolences...lol
We had a smaller wedding, about 50 guests, and got married outdoors in Geneva, IL. We went to Paris for our honeymoon.
Best tips, try your best to be patient and not get complacent over time. Also, really enjoy your time before kids, because it's a different world after that.
Paris TX?
April 17th, 2023 at 10:49 AM ^
Of course, it's just down the way from Italy, TX.
April 17th, 2023 at 12:33 PM ^
That would make sense along with Geneva IL lol.
Paris was super fun though, sights, food, everything.
Don't forget Versailles, Kentucky. Which everyone knows is pronounced very-SAILS.
(Vehicle broke down there once on a family trip.)
Not married, but been in the same relationship for 25 years. Some of the lessons I've learned are:
1. Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. (I think Will Rogers said that originally, but it works in many circumstances, especially relationships.)
2. Pick your battles. Some are just not worth having (The current popular phrase "Is this a hill you want to die on?" fits here.)
3. Never miss an opportunity to laugh - and shared laughs are the best kind.
Congratulations. Wishing you many years of happiness.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:27 AM ^
Listen to Same, particularly re 2. "Pick your battles. Some are just not worth having (The current popular phrase "Is this a hill you want to die on?" fits here.)"
You're building a life together, and millions of disputes will come up. They're not all worth being "right" about or getting a concession over. 99% can be a shrug-and-move-on situation
I shoulda known it was a sign when we got into a huge fight over which flatware to put on our gift list. Sure enough, decades later: divorce.
Congratulations?
Upvoted for wedding scheduled during OT season - very important first step to the long and fruitful marriage.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:17 AM ^
Yep. Initial wedding date was going to be on a September Saturday in downtown Ann Arbor. Checked date, home game. Since I didn't know Bo and Don well enough to get them to reschedule the game, we changed our date to August. 38 years of anniversary as a prelude to football season.
Honeymoon tips? Sure, pay attention to how she may be rethinking her self image now that she's a wife. Repeat with different words: turn on your Feelz sensors and pay attention to the readings. And enjoy the celebration.
Long marriage? Whoa, that's both simple and complex. Be honest, gently. Communicate well at all times, gently and lovingly. Ask for what you need and listen well to what she needs; do your best to accomdate her + each of you because the partnership requires two happily satisfied people.
Never take her for granted and don't let yourself be exploited either. Treat her as if she's the most important person in your life; she needs to reciprocate and want to do same.
Do your best to stay connected emotionally.
Spoil her and let her spoil you too. And express gratitude whenever and wherever it's the right thing to do.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:34 AM ^
Your last line. Comic Bill Burr pointed this out and I agree that one of his biggest pleasures of sharing life with his wife is when she brought him a sandwich and a cold beer as he was cleaning out a filthy garage in their new house on a hot, sweaty day. His gratitude at that simple act where he was appreciated and made, for a moment, to feel like a king made that task trivial. Gratitude costs nothing and flourishes.
April 17th, 2023 at 11:13 AM ^
^ this ^
For the honeymoon, we also went to Clearwater and Orlando. But we went to Orlando first, so it was way different.
We drove nonstop on the way home. That is when I learned my new wife doesn’t really like to drive.
38 years later, I am still doing all the driving.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:43 AM ^
East coast B&B tour. Lee, MA to Essex, CT to two different parts of Cape Cod. Then on to Henniker, NH and Burlington, VT. Montreal on to Toronto and back to the D.
5 speed ragtop Geo Tracker that she could not drive but lots of fun that we haven't yet been able to recreate but soon plan to in retirement.
As with this trip it is about the journey faced together.
First - congratulations. I'll be celebrating my 25th anniversary in a few weeks and - time goes by quickly.
Our wedding / honeymoon - we had a lot of out of town guests in - and, essentially were with many of them for about five days. It started on Wednesday evening - to the Saturday wedding - and "wrapped up" with our honeymoon departure on Sunday. Advice - try to spend a few minutes with everyone - thank them for coming - and, see if they have a memorable story about you or your bride.
No major challenges - and, the key is - "just roll with it", it's supposed to be a celebration, and - enjoy every second of it - as much as you can.
We honeymooned in Italy - and, had a blast. You may "have a plan" for any given day - but, be spontaneous too. Grab a bottle of champagne and enjoy it in a remote area - or one with a great view. Take a few pics.
Tips for a great honeymoon / marriage. Overcommunicate. When children arrive - do as much as you can together - experience share things as a family. It can be a walk, talk, bike ride, sporting activity, book reading or story telling at night. You and your lovely bride should live your life - doing the things you enjoy. And, try something "new" - whether it's a place to visit, a restaurant, reaching out to friends you haven't spoken to, or seen, in a while - just "keep moving".
And, the most important thing - when those little ones arrive - make sure you have "maize & blue" onesies set aside for them.
Congratulations again - My wishes for every happiness life has to offer.
Go Blue!
I'm only going to answer #2.
Enjoy your time together on your honeymoon, and make the most of it. It's something you're going to remember forever, and you want those memories to be positive. If kids are going to be in your future, your relationship will change drastically after that point.
As for a long and fruitful marriage, don't hold things in. Talk about them but in a calm and respectful way. You're going to have disagreements, but when you hold things in, it leads to resentment and overly emotional arguments.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:00 AM ^
1. We went to St. Lucia and had a blast
2. The key to a long a fruitful marriage would be to sign her up her own MGOBlog account.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:00 AM ^
My advice is to spend as much time as humanly possible on MGoBlog.com. Not only can it become a relatively comfortable career, but if all her worldly possessions were paid for by Michigan fans, she can't help but become extremely invested in Michigan, and will have a hard time objecting whenever you want to go to a Michigan game.
My other advice is to treat your relationship like it's your first child: Give it constant attention, especially at the beginning, always make it a priority, and as it gets older, you have to adapt and let it mature in the ways it wants to go.
April 17th, 2023 at 10:03 AM ^
Sage advice
April 17th, 2023 at 10:32 AM ^
Seth, as always you are wise beyond your years.
The marriage advice is pretty good, too🙂
April 17th, 2023 at 10:01 AM ^
Congrats to you, Marriage is great if you are with the right person! I have been married now for 6 years and we have two awesome kids together.
1. Our wedding was fairly laid back - we focused on what we cared about the most, food and drink. The ceremony was outside, and about 15 minutes. The reception went until the venue kicked us out. Overall it was a great time! My wife and I both agreed - a big expensive wedding is not something we cared about. We had some great food, great drinks, and a great time for under $10k (this includes my suit and her dress).
2. We had two honeymoons - we went up to the UP for a week right after we got married. We got engaged in the UP, so it was fitting. We are heading back this June with both kids.
The second and (official) one was to Hawaii. We went in with zero plans, and everything was "shoot from the hip" it was a great time again. Our lives were/are hectic so just relaxing was great.
As for a long fruitful marriage the best advice I can give anybody is 1. respect your partner and 2. understand your partner. 3. Have your own hobbies 4. Have joint hobbies
Most importantly - if you plan to have kids, GET AS MUCH ADULT TIME IN BEFORE KIDS AS POSSIBLE!
April 17th, 2023 at 10:03 AM ^
Congratulations marriage can be and is a wonderful thing... lots of good advice here .. especially the secret to a long marriage is ... yes dear ... that should go both ways but doesn’t always... my personal advice would be don’t think so much about if you married the right person but BE the right person.. it really can be a miracle if 2 selfish persons can get together .. set aside differences and get along... after the warm and fuzzies wear off ... hopefully it’ll be decades... then love in marriage becomes a choice.