1/8/2024 – Michigan 34, Washington 13 – 15-0, 9-0 Big Ten, Big Ten Champs, Rose Bowl Champs, National Champs

The opponent was almost as different as it could possibly be, but the game held to almost the same script. Michigan dominates early, then their offense goes in a hole for about a half while the defense valiantly attempts to bar the door. Thanks to a couple boggling misses from a harried Michael Penix, they had. Michigan led by seven instead of trailed by seven when the offense entered Win The Game mode, again. JJ McCarthy fired a high hard one at Colston Loveland, who caught it and ran past an erroneously airborne safety in an echo of Roman Wilson at the Rose Bowl. Emboldened by newfound field position, Sherrone Moore called some play action that got Michigan in the red zone.

First and goal from the fifteen, eight minutes left in the national championship game. The guy two seats to my left says "take us home, Blake." Michigan runs duo up the middle for three yards. Second and seven, seven minutes left in the national championship game. The guy two seats to my left says "take us home, Blake."

Michigan lines up in an unbalanced set they'd used on the previous play and earlier in the game, a tight bunch to the field—all TEs, naturally—with a flanker outside of it. They got a chunk duo off of it earlier and three yards on the last play, but this one is counter. Blake steps left as Keegan and Barner pull the other way. The MLB is not fooled. He does not false step, instead reading the pulls and taking a scrape angle deeper than Karsen Barnhart, releasing free from guard, has any hope of chasing. Trente Jones has authoritatively turned in the playside end; Barner kicks out the force guy. Now we are two on two.

This is how Michigan gets home: the playside Washington end charges inside. He wants to spill Corum outside into that middle linebacker. All year, Michigan has handled this with aplomb, sealing that guy inside and letting fate dictate what happens at the point of attack. This has not worked as well as it did last year, when Blake Corum would juke any fool willing to occupy a phonebooth with him into the ground. It still works pretty well.

But here is a thing that Trevor Keegan does. Keegan could be forgiven if he's heard nothing but "Zinter, Zinter, Zinter" in this season after both guys came back to chase a ring. Last year Donovan Edwards's lightning bolt finishers went between Zinter and Olu Oluwatimi; this year it's Zinter getting first round hype and Keegan rounding out the draft eligibles. I don't think Trevor Keegan gives a good goddamn about any of this, except maybe for an itch in the back of his mind. I mention it out of professional obligation. I have been yelling at PFF about this man. He owns that 77 just as much as Jake Long now.

Anyway. Here is a thing that Trevor Keegan does. He engages the DE, shoving him down the line, and in the same motion realizes that guy is done. He's overcommitted. He will never get back to Corum even if left. So Keegan leaves. Physics being what it is, this is an act of optimism. He's never getting to that linebacker, and indeed he does not. Keegan never touches him.

It's still enough. The LB has to extend a little further outside—a step, maybe—to clear Keegan. He remains in flow mode an extra beat, unable to get square as he rounds the blocker. Corum cuts back, and then cuts again as the linebacker makes contact. The step; the bend; the flow: all of this means that there is a man trying to tackle Blake Corum by wrapping him up around the shoulders.

To describe this act as "futile" doesn't capture it. Bail out your boat with a colander. Watch the first season of a quirky sci-fi Netflix drama. Attempt to get to a destination flying Spirit Airlines. These are all as likely to get you to a satisfactory conclusion as tackling Blake Fucking Corum by the shoulder pads. Especially when you're not even square to the guy. Corum shakes like he's Ryan Day watching Lou Holtz say something true and the linebacker falls off; Keegan and Barnhart put the last guy in the center of the Earth. Ballgame.

Almost, anyway. Close enough when you have approximately two of the best defenses in America on one team.

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I still read physical books. I also have a disease wherein if I start a book I have to finish it, even if I loathe it. ("Of course you do," sighs every single person who's ever encountered this blog.) Sometimes when I finish one it is a great relief to have that trial in the rear-view mirror. I slam the book back onto the shelf, where it will sit for the end of time, remembered but never encountered again.

Sometimes the end of a book is a tragedy because it gave something to me and now it is over. There is no more of it. When this happens I close the book and hold it in my hands, turning it back and forth, looking at the back cover and front, reading the silly blurbs on it for the first time if it happens to have them. I think about what just happened, and while I know I cannot ever have the experience of encountering this for the first time again I know that it will go back on the shelf, too, and I can revisit it when I want to get a shadow of the feeling I had the first time.

I've mentioned this before: once that happened immediately, when I was frustrated by Infinite Jest's sudden, indeterminate stop and shifting timelines. Remembering something from the beginning of the book that I could connect with something towards the end, I flipped back to it, and after a while I realized that David Foster Wallace had pulled one over on the ol' Brian Cook. I mentally issued DFW the Robert Deniro finger wag meme. I did not actually get stuck in a loop of reading Infinite Jest, getting mad at it, and reading it again, like I was someone who had encountered The Entertainment in real life.

I thought about it, though.

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Afterwards, I waited. I wanted to see the last I could see of those who had just finished their Michigan careers. The next time Blake Corum takes a snap he will not be wearing a winged helmet and there will be something subtly wrong with the universe, so I watched him walk through the tunnel 20 minutes after the game. Donovan Edwards, Mike Barrett, an assemblage of walk-ons who are doing their part by convincing OSU fans that Michigan has 44 seniors and will go 3-9 next year. Every one a champion.

Sainristil was the last one. He came over to the section by the tunnel where the players' families were camped, and his dad held his legs and lifted him so he could talk to someone there. Then he came down, took pictures, and gave an impromptu interview that I imagine was the most polished post-championship interview in the history of the genre.

A stadium worker came down to kick us out. I did not move. She then came down to kick me out, specifically, because I was the last one in the section, and mercifully this was the moment that Sainristil had discharged all his on-field obligations and could stride down the tunnel to the locker room, also a champion. The last champion.

Now we close the book, and turn it back and forth in our hands. The shelf can wait a little while longer.

[After THE JUMP: Awards! And an apology that the bric-a-brac is coming tomorrow!]

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Bryan Fuller]

you're the man now, dog

#1 The Offensive Line. The worst YPC delivered by a Michigan ballcarrier: 6.4. That's Corum. Everyone else was between seven and eight except for Donovan Edwards, who averaged uhhhhh 17 yards a carry. Take out the two kneeldowns and Michigan rushed for 8.5 yards a carry. McCarthy was sacked once on a play where he held the ball too long. Credit to the guys with the ball, of course, but the story of this game was Michigan dominating the trenches. Speaking of:

#2T Mason Graham, Kris Jenkins, Jaylen Harrell, Kenneth Grant, Cam Goode, Braiden McGregor, Derrick Moore, and Josiah Stewart. Yes, that is every defensive lineman. PFF has Michigan down for 23 pressures in this game, 20 of which came from the DL. Penix had 45 non-screen dropbacks and ate a pressure rate of 38% despite Michigan sending four about three-quarters of the time. Washington entered this game having ceded just 11 sacks on the season and won the Joe Moore award largely because of their pass protection. Michigan's DL had Penix chucking the ball at ghosts for most of the game. Full points for everyone!

#3T Donovan Edwards and Blake Corum. Edwards won the game in the first seven minutes with two explosive 40+ yard TDs on duo. On the first he dutifully ran the play into the A-gap until it was clear that wasn't going to work, then burst outside after the second level had committed. On the second he decisively cut to a backside lane a Washington linebacker had vacated—"vacated" doesn't really cover it. Once you get Edwards going in a straight line, it's over. TD.

Corum took us home and also ripped off a 59-yarder to get Michigan their field goal on the third drive. He is Blake Corum.

#4 Will Johnson. Matched with Odunze most of the night. PFF has him for 2 completions for 11 yards on 6 targets. More importantly than what happened when Johnson was targeted was what happened when Odunze wasn't. Oduzne got two deep targets when Michigan busted its coverages, catching one. When Johnson was locked on Washington did not punt-n-pray to him once. Johnson also had a crazy interception at the start of the second half and a crucial open-field tackle to force a punt when visions of TCU last year danced in Michigan heads.

One thing knocking him down: he took two penalties.

#5 Keon Sabb. Missed a tackle on Washington's first drive, causing me to mutter about why he was out there, then amply demonstrated why he was out there with two crucial PBUs. Was not burned in coverage all night, ceding 28 yards on 7 targets.

#6 Mike Sainristil. Sealed the game. Had another crucial tackle to force a punt. Is Mike Sainristil.

Honorable mention: JJ McCarthy was just 10/18 for 140 yards but suffered a drop and had a couple other balls raked out. His scramble on third down near the goal line in the second half eventually flipped the field and gave the defense more to work with at a crucial juncture. Colston Loveland's catch and run in the fourth quarter was the breakthrough that Michigan sealed the game with. Tommy Doman bounced back from an iffy game against Bama with a 47 yard average and no punt returns ceded. Josh Wallace never got annihilated. Just 3 targets.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

59: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU, #1 MSU, HM PUR, HM PSU, #1 OSU, #2 Bama, HM Wash)
39: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb, HM MSU, T2 OSU, HM Iowa, T1 Bama, T2 Wash)
32: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU, HM MSU, #1 MD, #1 Iowa, HM Bama, #6 Wash)
31: Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU, HM MSU, T2 MD, T2 OSU, HM Iowa, HM Bama, T2 Wash) 
28: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU, #1 PSU, HM MD, #3 OSU, #3 Bama, T3 Wash)
26: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV, #2 PSU, T2 MD, T2 OSU, HM Iowa, T2 Wash)
20: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU, T1 PUR, HM MD, HM OSU, T1 Bama)
21: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska, T1 PUR, HM Iowa, T1 Bama, T2 Wash)
17: Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb, HM MSU, T1 PUR, T1 Bama, T2 Wash)
15: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska, #2 PUR, HM Bama), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU, T1 PUR, #3 OSU, HM Iowa, T2 Wash)
14: Josiah Stewart (HM Minn, T1 PUR, T1 Bama, T2 Wash), Will Johnson(#3 Minn, #3 PUR, HM PSU, #3 OSU, HM Bama, #4 Wash), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PUR, HM MD, #3 OSU, HM Wash)
11: AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PSU), The Offensive Line (HM Minn, #3 PSU, #1 Wash)
9: Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers, HM MSU, #3 Iowa),
8: Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn, HM Iowa)
7: Semaj Morgan(Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers, HM PUR, #2 Iowa)
6: Tommy Doman (HM ECU, #3 MD, HM OSU, HM Wash), Cam Goode (HM MD, T2 Wash), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU, HM PSU, HM OSU, T3 Wash)
4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU), Keon Sabb (HM Minn, #5 Wash)
3: Rod Moore (HM PUR, HM OSU, HM Bama), Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers, HM OSU, HM Bama), Josh Wallace (T3 ECU, HM Wash)
2: Tyler Morris (HM UNLV, HM Bama)
1: Kalel Mullings (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU), Rayshaun Benny (HM PSU), James Turner(HM OSU)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Mike Sainristil intercepts a fourth-down prayer from Penix and returns it to the eight, ending the competitive portion of the proceedings.

Honorable mention: Edwards blasts two touchdowns early in the first quarter. Corum rips off another huge chunk on drive #3. Will Johnson prevents Michigan from getting middle-eight'd with a remarkable interception. Penix just misses Odunze on a fourth down bust that should have been a touchdown.

MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK

Washington converts a fourth and three at the end of the first half for a touchdown to draw within a score, leading to another extended halftime wherein Michigan fans bit their nails at not translating their statistical dominance to a more insurmountable lead.

Honorable mention: Michigan waits until the late third quarter to run McCarthy.

NICK SAMAC PATHETIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK

This goes to everyone involved with the in-game atmosphere. A week after the Rose Bowl it was jarring and depressing to be once again treated to "find the ball under the helmet" games, ear-piercing Black-Eyed Peas tracks, and stadium hosts exhorting the crowd to get hyped when they're already at the most important football game most of them will ever attend. I promise you no one at the Rose Bowl was missing any of that garbage.

Dishonorable mention: N/A. 

BRIC A BRAC APOLOGY SECTION

So it turns out I did need a plane to fly home, and it was hours late, and as a result trying to land at LaGuardia was the most harrowing experience of my life. I do not recommend attempting to land in high winds, twice. We ended up in Boston instead, Spirit washed their hands of us, and the wifi was down at the hotel. It was if life was testing whether it could rob me of my joy. Answer: no! Get bent, life!

Yesterday after landing at DTW I crammed in 20 minutes of highlights, taped a three-and-a-half hour podcast, and started this post. Then I fell asleep after doing WTKA this morning because I've been operating on not enough sleep.

Long story short, it was either run this now and bric-a-brac tomorrow or do the whole thing tomorrow. I have chosen the former. Bric-a-brac is at 1200 words and will get up tomorrow AM. Thank you for your understanding.