Honest Christmas Discussion

It can turn quickly without warning.

Write a letter to that problematic person stating your grievance(s), put it in your desk and resolve to send it the next day. By tomorrow you will realize the letter is best not to send... [We can learn a lot from Abe's EQ.]

My mom's side has struggled a little bit the last couple years after her sister and step dad have passed, but it's great to be with everyone. Christmas is also a little sweeter this year knowing my girlfriend and I may be moving to traverse city shortly. Cheers everyone, and Merry Christmas.

I drink more wine than usual and I sometimes pretend like I'm having a lot of fun. All in all, it's good to see everyone though, even if you don't really care to hear or see what bullshit or stupid shit they come up with. My old man is getting pretty old so when it gets around 9 or 10 pm, he likes to settle down. Well my 40 some year old brother in law wanted to start popping the bubble wrap packing on the floor about that time to show his 5 year old kid what happens and how much fun xmas can be. It was annoyingly loud hearing those sounds like fireworks on the 4th of July for those 20 or so seconds when we were all chilling and relaxing. I wanted to stand up and clock him in the ear but like I said earlier, more wine. Just keep refilling the glass and pretend its awesome.

I dont have that great of Christmas memories as a child. My dad was a drunk and my siblings and I spent most of the holidays angst up wondering if/when dad was going to drink too much and get out of hand. One year, the whole extended family got into a brawl. Punches being thrown and all. Very traumatic for a kid I must say. I later married into an awesome family who shows much grace and love to me knowing where I have come from. It has been 12 years with my wife and her fam. I have warmed up to the whole Christmas thing and realized that, yes, it can be fun. The excitement alone my 3 boys have on Christmas Day is enough to fill my heart for weeks.

P.S. My father had been sober for 6 years now. Our relationship is a work in progress. Takes a lot of effort for me to even send a “merry Christmas dad” text.

Thats whats up

Cheers to everyone. Today is a good day to practice loving those around us.

there's a reason my family lives in Michigan and I'm in North Carolina thnking that I'm too close and need to move further away...

 

A quick phone call to say "I love you mom" and that's it.  No annoying siblings.  

I’ve always enjoyed the family get together. My wife’s family is great. Her sister is a little crazy, but it’s a small price to pay. This year, however, it’s just me with my wife and son and my daughter is here from Boston. Been fantastic

First Christmas ever with just my wife and girls. The only asshole I have to deal with is the one year old, with all the Christmas overstimulation, and being told she can’t eat wrapping paper.

This thread sucks.

No grandparents, drunk uncles, etc. We see them on other days. Doesn't make us very popular, but it is so much more relaxing and we spend a lot of one on one time enjoying each other's company.

Merry Christmas

Love and adore 'em anyway.  Do your best.  Breathe deeply.  Move on.  Make plans.  Put space between you and the bad guys.  Make long to-do lists that make you happy.

Breathe deeply, count to ten, and leave the room. If you engages and start yelling, you are part of the problem

My sister in law and her husband. They “gave up” their trailer home to sponge off of my in laws. They came to our house, and watched their kids get presents, then gave out presents to my in laws, that they stole from my in laws.

Love when the family comes over and the 20 somethings find my top shelf booze...they always want to mix it with pop or something....hate it

Really do like my parents and in laws. They give amazing gifts and are genuinely great people, but there are always a couple awkward moments when my father in law asks how much a certain gift cost. I usually just lie and make up a number, but it’s always slightly awkward. My parents always ask for me to get them nothing because they figure my wife and I are poor, not entirely wrong since I’m a teacher and she recently left teaching for another job, but I feel bad so we buy them something only to hear “oh you shouldn’t have a thousand times”. I always want to say: “you raised me, helped pay for college, and put up with my crap for a long time, you deserve whatever small present I get you”.
Now, when I was a kid and my cousins were gathered, it was far more contentious. They were smart, good looking, and fairly well off financially. It became a competition to see who had the more successful kids. Let me be clear, I was/still am a loser, so my cousins were always praised and I sat in the corner picking my nose. As I got older, I started to care less about what they thought of me and I don’t travel back to Michigan for Christmas. Moving to Florida, getting my parents to move to Florida, and having a big Christmas celebration at my house is helpful because I can always find something to do/clean if someone gets on my nerves. I’m not sure this is helpful advice to anyone, but it works for me.

Yea but I have to go to the gym without a little damp underneath

And I enjoy spending Christmas with them.

Family rules same as board rules: no politics; no religion.

I am celebrating the second Christmas without my wife and what was to be my first born son, my wife passed away while 7 mos pregnant 1.5years should. This Christmas is definitely much more difficult than the first one. I went to my parents house with my whole moms side of the family and it was tiring and exhausting to just put a game face on. I really didn’t want to let down my mom this year so I went, but it was so tiring I wish I would’ve just stayed home. I am blessed to have such a strong family, but I definitely can relate to those who go thru difficult times during the holidays. Hopefully it will start to get easier next year, but at this point I don’t care if I ever acknowledge the holidays again!!

Seems so insecure that conversations always turn into money/career progression so he can create a comparison with me. He’s not as far along in his career so, he likes to pick and choose which categories to derail conversations to fit his agenda.

I’ve learned to downplay it, never discuss money, and simply congratulate him for the successes he wants to present in conversations. He came from a rough background, so I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I try to take the high road, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t irritate me.

LOL at Iggles missing field goal. Raiders!

Christmas this year wasn't the hard one. Thanksgiving was way more difficult. My brother and sister inlaw are separating after 23 years of marriage with a bunch of teens in the house still. Went home in November but my sis inlaw was the only one not there. Has made things really awkward. Not sure how Christmas will be moving forward. Hopefully they're able to stick together, but whether or not they do, holidays just got a lot different in the future.

Very sad to read about so many folks with such challenging family dynamics. For me, the religious significance of Christmas is key, but in family discussions, I don't bring it up, unless with fellow believers who want to talk about spiritual things. (My 91 year old Dad always wants to hear about the sermon that day.)

I was together with a total of 17, and we all pretty much get along the whole time. It was striking how often alcohol messed up parties and get-togethers of people on the board. We had plenty of wine and beer, but I don't know if anyone had any hard alcohol. It isn't that any of us have a problem with it . . . it just isn't a big thing. Also, with my two sibs, we know each other's buttons, and don't feel the need to push them.

Seriously, is it that hard to avoid contentious topics? And to be honest, it is great to have a good enough relationship to be able to have spirited discussion on important topics of the day without degenerating into a brawl.

I'm thankful for good family relationships, and not to be alone. I'm glad to be able to celebrate Christmas, and eat a big delicious dinner, and exchange gifts, and then white elephant gifts, and sometimes to sing carols. This particular party was at my sister's and dad's place in Skokie / Evanston. They have a two flat with a furnished basement. This means that there are 3 floors, so teens can disappear downstairs or into a game room area, and Dad and I can go upstairs to chat in his place, so there is this joyful dance of conversations with different people at different times. I'm also blessed with several marvelous cooks, so there is a great assortment of appetizers and cheeses and wine and champagne and beer and meat and veggies and desserts. It all is wonderful.

Today was a marathon of "family" with my kid, step kids, then my wife's family all day. She's 7.5 months pregnant with twins so I relish in whatever sliver of sanity remains. All life dynamics change when going from 3 to 5. Any sense or hope of me time, or solace is gone at this point, at least before 10 p.m. Just looking forward to optimistic hopes for 2018. Kind of like my love for Michigan football, optimistic, possibly blind hope for 2018.

For the first sevenish years of my marriage, my wife and I would travel to various family members homes and take part in holiday festivities which involved wild swings between Christmas being nothing more than a gift exchange (no decorations, no turkey, no tree FFS, etc) to World War 3 political discussions that completely ruined the day for everyone involved. 

So roughly ten years ago we decided we'd had enough and we started hosting every year with two very clear rules in place for both sides of the family (roughly 35-40 people each year):

1 - It's Christmas - Behave, dress, and bring appropriate holiday faire (Do not get shit faced, dont wear your bathrobe/sweats, don't bring some crazy ass food you want everyone to experiment with)

2 - No politics. Period. Come prepared to engage, play games with your relatives, and stay off your fucking phone. You can abuse the shit out of it 364 other days in the year. 

Since then, Christmas has been fantastic even with the relatives I normally can't stand. The day goes quick, the games are fun as hell, and everyone has a great time and the food is fabulous because we know what to expect. It's about the day and for 12-14 hours we can all get along and have a good time. Thank God for that....

What is wrong with you? Christmas is a joyful time were everyone gets along to sing some merry songs, tear through presents red and green, surely such a beautiful sight has never been seen. Now I ask you!

It was a nice dose of reality to realize that I shouldn't complain so much.

My wife's family has killed any remaining Christmas spirit I had leftover from my youth.  My wife has the kind of family that starts to hyperventilate if they go 2 fucking weeks without seeing each other.  The worst part is that I actually like all of them, but I am so sick of seeing them all the time that they are making me hate all of them.

They got together last Saturday and Sunday....yes, they got together all weekend the fucking weekend before Christmas where we will all get together all weekend.  Christmas starts with midnight mass at actual midnight.....i got home at 2am Christmas eve.

I then left my house at 1045 Christmas morning and I got home at 830pm.  I am now at work.....exhausted, and my mother in law with a straight face has invited everyone over at 5pm straight from work because she wants our gift exchange seperate from the rest of the family.

So I am going to see all of these people again, straight from work, to eat and open gifts because we couldn't do it yestereday when we were all together for 6 hours.  I told my wife that she has me until 630 pm and at that point I don't care what's happening, I am going home. 

Then again, after reading some of these responses, I need to realize that it could all end or change very quickly.  I have well wishes for a lot of you as I see that people have actual problems and that this is just BS that I need to lighten up about.

To have a nice (but not perfect) family that enjoys spending some time together (but not too much time). We got through yesterday with no talk of religion or politics - yay!!

And my family all live a plane ride away and last year was th first Christmas with my family in years. I like my sister and brother in law a lot. My mom and I haven’t had a falling on t bit after 24 hours I feel my anxiety rising. She’s been a great mother-worked 2 jobs while I was in high school because my Dad wouldn’t pay child support. I feel guilty but she drives me crazy mainly because she talks a lot and complains about everything. This Christmas was great. Went to Boulder for my daughters graduation and spent time with my oldest friends who live in Boulder. My daughter hosted her first Christmas and we had such a great day and made dinner together. I decided years ago that I won’t attend Christmas events and parties with people I don’t like. Life is stressful enough with work and things that have to be done.

Not looking forward to Christmas Day this year. I wasn't in a very Christmas mood (for a variety of reasons), and was NOT looking forward to the family gathering because of a couple of family members. They fall into the category of "pushy, egomanical drama queens," the kind you tolerate only with great patience, lots of liquor, and the ability to leave early.

But the lousy weather, complete with white-out snow squalls, forced them to stay on the western side of the state. The family gathering was full of celebration, laughs, a few games, lots o'food, and a lot less noise. Instead of being what I dreaded, it was actually nice.

So a Merry Christmas it was ... and thank you, Mother Nature!

Guess I'm lucky, i have great parents and in-laws. Full houses on xmas eve, xmas morning, and xmas night with 0 drama. It's just exhausting driving all over the place with a 2 and 4 year old with everyone in some stage of the cold from hell brought home from preschool by the 4 year old.