OT: Advice for young couples (actually, mostly for guy fans)

spend the most time with.  Hopefully, both your son-in-law and daughter are willing to search for better influences that can help both their marriage and their own individual and personal growth.  One thing I have found to be true and valuable in my marriage.  I often forget the details about disagreements and such I have with my wife.  But, what I do always seem to remember is how she handled our disagreement, i.e. that she was a big enough person to not get hung up on semantics, how hard she tried to hear my side, that she didn't walk away or cop an attitude, etc.  Basically, that is wasn't about her winning, it was about "us" winning.  And that inspires me to be a better man.

I toned down my sports watching big time when I got married, even more with my infant kids. I record games and watch them now when she goes to bed occasionally. I probably only saw a handful of Michigan games live in tv this year. I blame him, he needs to back off his hobby a little not completely. But we are all different, I know my dad backed off until I was closer to 10 and then we watched everything together. He still watched sports at night every now. Happy wife happy life.

Don't know if you've solved it (tl;dr) but if you're still reading, might I suggest a few things:

1) wireless headphones

2) foot reflexology

When he's watching the game she can listen to what she wants and he can give her a good foot massage.

Believe me she'll start asking what game is on tonight.

 

Plus I always try to make her a part of my internet trolling by telling her the stupidly funny shit some of you people write on the internet, she gets a kick outta that.

Those are some things that work for me.

And, yes, I do have my technique down and everything. 

 

This is one of the reasons I am in no rush to get married even at 25. I like spending my free time watching sports, skiing, playing golf, and going to bars with friends. I figure if that ever gets stale, maybe it is time to find someone. 

Reading some of these stories really makes me appreciate how much my wife and I have in common. I can't begin to imagine what dating someone who dislikes sports would be like. I am truly lucky to have found a wife who thinks a perfect day is arriving at the Big House at 7:00 am to watch the Wolverines. Then spend the rest of the day watching the late afternoon/evening college games with a drink or two.

 

moving. it's been ten years and two states since I lived in Michigan, but the physical distance creates some psychological distance, so you find yourself still following the home teams but not nearly as distracted by a local viewing schedule.

Random question, but did they live together before they got married?

 

I realize some may not agree with that, but I certainly think it helps to see who a person is on a daily basis and if you can live with that. 

My marriage advice to those still in college: wait until you're at least 25. I got married at 32. Live with the person for a few years. Know how you solve problems together. After the romance wears off, marriage is just one big problem solving session, especially once the kids come. I love sports but my husband could sit around and watch sports 24/7. I can't. We compromise. SRK, I hope your daughter figures out her situation. Marriage should enhance your life. If it doesn't, there's nothing wrong with finding a better situation.

I was going to respond to a poster's comment above, but I decided to make a non-responsive statement regarding what I've learned from my SHORT (2.5 yrs) length of time of being married.

About three or four months ago, my wife and I decided to start meeting with marital coaches (different than marriage counselors) in order to fine tune some of the things we've been struggling with. I wouldn't call any of these matters "serious" per se, but small things can always lead to large things. For what it's worth, this has REALLY helped with some of these things as well as getting a better perspective on what real marriage (and successful marriage) really entails.

To be honest, I think some of the issues discussed in the OP's post involve a misunderstanding of what marriage is to each person. People get married for all different reasons, but most people have a desire to make it last for the long haul. With that behing said, I am going to continue my argument with that assumption - married 'til death.

In order to make this happen, each individual has to make a choice to be selfless in their marriage. Sometimes that involves sacrificing time away from hobbies/friends/work. If you are incapable of doing those things (and therefore prioritize those things above one's marriage), it more than likely will not last. If your goal is to make it work, then changes need to be made.

Sports can be addiction just like any other hobby or object or drug. Sometimes those addictions can harm things we care about; obviously marriage is something we usually care about. My advice is if you are in the position where your "sports watching" or work or other hobbies are causing a lot of friction/damage to your family/spouse, try to talk it over with those involved and try to understand their perspective of the situation. The truth of the matter is, if your spouse or family is feeling a particular emotion involving a situation then it is REAL to them (whether it makes sense to you or seems logical to you or not). Maybe you need a new job that involves less of a time commitment, maybe you need to cut down on sports watching, or maybe you need get your family involved more in the things you dedicate your time to. Honesty and open communication can solve a lot of problems. Discuss the things causing friction with your spouse honestly, and if you need a third party to assist in that then THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

I'm going to make another random statement and say that there is a ton of good marital advice in this thread. I will add a statement of thanks for those that share it, as I'm sure there are a few individuals that are reading these posts and are gaining wisdom from them that could potentially turn their marriage around for the better.

We've all heard the statement "happy wife, happy life." But the truer statement is "happy marriage, happy life." Sometimes we have to remember that with all the rough things that happen in EVERY marriage, there can be plenty more moments of absolute thrill and fullfillment through marriage. If those rough patches seem to come all too frequently at present time, that does not mean that your marriage has no chance at resulting in fulfillment later on. Don't give up and continue to make acts of selflessness; it is worth the investment of time.

I love occasional posts like this. It's like group therapy.

This year I missed half our games. Why? I have a two year old who likes kicking soccer balls on Saturday mornings. And watching him strike a ball squarely just became more rewarding to me than catching the football game. Didn't expect that to happen, but for me it really wasn't even a debate.

why not? sounds like he is not a great dude.

 

Compromise.  I watch every UM game and typically trade my Saturday, which is usually for binge watching college football, for Sunday which I usually spend more time with family.  My wife and I both work opposite hours with two kids, so other sports get followed only when I have the time.  

Is to marry someone that likes sports almost as much as you do. My wife likes hockey (college and NHL) and football (college and NFL). In fact, she will watch games even if I am not at home. It helps that she is a huge UM fan. She is more excited to watch all of the bowl games that are on tomorrow than I am! 

Perhaps I just got lucky, though. 

You compromise in a marriage. Sounds like he's not. I gave up things to make my marriage work, and my wife has done the same. If he's not willing to tone it down, it's on him. (And by the way, being an obsessive sports fan like you're describing is just sad, or degenerate, I'm not sure which I believe more)

In the past couple years, a few friends of mine ended up getting engaged after only dating 7-9 months and married like 6 months after that.

Jumping into it so quickly seems foolish, if for no other reason than oxytocin (love hormone) levels not likely having leveled off yet. During that period when couples are extra smitten with each other, they probably overlook little things that could become problematic later.

So I wonder how these situations where people get married so quickly tend to work out? .

My girlfriend never knew much about college football prior to dating me.  Thankfully she has always wanted to have "her own team" to cheer for.  She attended her first UM game with me this year at PSU and even wore the UM gear I got her.  But, she has on a number of occasions voiced her frustration that every Saturday has to revolve around the UM game when she'd like to go to one of the local fairs, apple picking, etc.  I've never had the patience to watch football all day Saturday and then again Sunday.  I go a little stir crazy after too much sitting around.  But, I definately like to watch every UM game, plus possibly another one if there's a good game on like a MSU/OSU or Bama/Ole Miss (can't believe I just said that one :))  But, I get some grumbles anytime I put another game on. 

 

Basically I've comprimised any other game for the guranteed UM game every Saturday, but even that's a stretch as New England falls are a beautiful time to be outside doing things and I get that.  It's a good conversation to have, but no matter what you tell most women, they will still have an expectation and few understand the passion we have for football.  Honesty won't fix the challenge and you have to learn to know how long your rope is with your significant other and comprimise.  I'd comprimise the Minnesota game or some random pre-conference game if I had to, but I won't comprimise our rivalry games.  The way I see it I get fall Saturdays and she gets every other Saturday the rest of the year.  Plus she makes me go to church.  I'll never understand why you have to get up early on a Sunday to show your support of God.  Didn't God like to sleep in too or go to the gym to start the day???

Used to care about sports, then i traveled the world and developed hobbies. Now i know theres so much more out there than a petty in state or regional rivalry.