The Story, 2018: Lie Back And Think Of Iowa Comment Count

Brian

Previously: Podcast 10.0A. Podcast 10.0B. Podcast 10.0C. The Story 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008. Preview 2017.

It's not rational to think football would be immune. When the world's decided that shame is for losers and the only rule is get paid, football will follow along too. Unless it's leading the way. And... uh... it's leading the way. The commissioner of this here league spearheaded the addition of two Eastern Seaboard schools with barely enough football tradition to scrape into a thimble because it would personally benefit himself and the class of parasitic grandees currently skimming off the top of college football to the tune of millions of dollars a year.

That decision paid off with a perfect tragedy. Jordan McNair's death was not only the result of deeply immoral approach to football and life but also incompetent. Stupid. Only a fucking idiot could have waited an hour before calling 911 when a very large man was having a seizure, unable to stand, on a blisteringly hot day. Maryland employed that fucking idiot. That's because their athletic department, shielded from the kinds of things that would do material harm to the parasitic grandees within, is by and for fucking idiots. They left the ACC, where they had many and several fun basketball rivalries, because a previous generation of fucking idiots managed to rack up so much debt that their continued existence in their home conference was no longer tenable.

Labor costs for their most valuable employees when they racked up this debt stayed steady. At zero.

[After THE JUMP: more of this, then some sort of corn-eagle-man]

And then there's Rutgers, which just paid disgraced idiot Julie Hermann a cool half-million dollars more than she was owed when the idiots that hired her decided they had to fire her after the football coach idiot she hired decided this was a good idea:

In the original email from Flood to the professor, who was unnamed in the report, Flood wrote: “I am sending it from my personal email to your personal email to ensure there will be no public vetting of the correspondence.” In the telephone conversation with the advisor, Flood was told, “Coach, you can’t have contact with the professor. You certainly can’t have contact with faculty regarding grades or eligibility. This is going to be a big problem.” Flood told the advisor, “This conversation stays between you and me,” to which the advisor responded, “We never had this conversation. … I want no part of this.”

This line is also in the report: “Coach Flood told the professor that he purposely didn’t wear any Rutgers apparel or insignia so he wouldn’t be recognized in public, meeting with the professor.”

It was just a matter of time before one of these institutions killed somebody. Anyway, football!

Actually, not just yet, because Michigan's primary and ancient rival just did the Urban Meyer thing, and its tertiary and old-ish rival continues to employ square-jawed crime-endorser Mark Dantonio, who also recently reinstated the author of this text:

“Honestly don’t know who for sure but probably [TEAMMATE] or another shitty fucking [N-word] with no morals.”

Unlike Maryland and Rutgers, these people win football games, making things even tougher to take. Not only is your favorite thing locked in an organization that has no greater purpose than making money and winning football games, it's not even winning the right football games. Immoral and un-fun. Woo!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

So where do we go from here? I don't think it's any secret that I've had difficulty getting up for this season. While Michigan has a ton of promise the prospect of going 9-3 against a monster schedule, and all the TAEKS that will inspire me to throw all communication devices in the trash and grow a beard I can knit a house out of, rather looms. The prospect of staring down a smug Urban Meyer as he's worshipped by every trash person in Ohio as Michigan loses to Ohio State again doesn't really appeal.

The potential benefits feel pretty remote, as they must inevitably when the only football season since this blog's inception that ended well was Brady Hoke's first horseshoe-up-his-butt year, when Ohio State was running out Luke Fickell after another firing-worthy incident from their head coach and Michigan beat Virginia Tech in a bowl game despite having about six yards of offense thanks in part to a long snapper catching a pass.

30972997735_0496543b84_z

[Patrick Barron]

So, Iowa, I guess? Going to Iowa two years ago was a window into another world. As I described it at the time:

Iowa football is great. It is a sneaky tentpole program of college football; it's the main locus of sporting passion in a state that doesn't have any pro teams but can cobble together enough people to make a D-I program work.

So you go there. The first thing you notice is that Kinnick is gorgeous. It's all brick, even on the interior, and if we're being totally honest it kind of feels like when Bill Martin added the luxury boxes he pointed at Kinnick and said "do that." Upon entering it was nigh-impossible to tell where the student section was because everyone was in black and standing the whole time. This is a very disappointing 5-4 (now 6-4) team that had its bloggers overreacting and predicting Rutgers-esque scores before the game but that stadium was packed to the gills 20 minutes before the kick.

At halftime I ducked back under the concourse because it was about ten degrees warmer underneath and hung out for a while. An Iowa fan engaged me and asked where I was from, how I was doing, that sort of thing; there was no animosity. He was checking on his fellow fans, mostly. I had only good things to report.

Afterwards the logistics of having working media and plain old fans driving in the same car caused us to wait outside one of the main exit points of Kinnick for about 20 minutes; probably half that stadium walked by us. Other than one or two guys who said things too dorky to actually be threatening, everyone was happy and polite. There was one guy out there the whole time just high-fiving everyone.

The existence of Iowa is one of the reasons I like college football so much better than the NFL.

College football gets away with so much because underlying it all are a bunch of college students that occasionally score 55 points on the local death star; it gets away with so much because football teams are the centers of real, living communities that you feel whenever you are at an alumni event. Or are in a stadium.

Iowa doesn't expect too much and is frequently rewarded by seeing their collection of rag-tag two-star recruits hit the bullseye with whatever the Iowa equivalent of photon torpedoes is. Probably corn on a stick. Iowa's vibe is not our sad bastard vibe, nor is it the awful amoral bro culture of the two rivals mentioned above. It's a bunch of people waving at a hospital. And maybe we could work our way back to that, eventually.

Probably not.

But I have been to deepest Iowa, in a geographically literal sense.

image

The town of Sheldon is about as far west and north as you can go in the state, located in such a manner as to defeat the purpose of air travel. So you drive to it, all those many hours of corn and livestock, livestock and corn, to go to a funeral for a person you never met. Eventually you are stunned by how Iowa City is now a suburb of Chicago. Sheldon has a small church surrounding a small town of literal pig farmers; it's the kind of place where the Subway logo is a huge relief. It's not exactly ugly but there's nothing pretty about it, and that goes for the great flat plains that stretch endlessly in any direction.

Driving home there is a snow storm, somewhere. It could be miles away to the west. Could be anywhere, because the wind blows across the plains and grabs the falling snow and pushes it across the road. Passing trucks impart it with intricate whorls; the only places any of it actually sticks is every mile or two where a copse of trees has been suffered to stand so it can provide a windbreak around a farmhouse.

The experience is ghostly, otherworldly. The kind of thing that burns itself into your brain and will not leave. The snow streaming across asphalt, beauty previously not only unseen but completely unthinkable. Literally unimaginable. The mind could not imagine having the feeling about the place it is currently having until it does. Somewhere out there is a high school quarterback with no chance of ever throwing a pass in college who will stamp his name on a state's heart. And so we carry on, just in case Keith Jackson isn't really dead.

Comments

ijohnb

August 27th, 2018 at 1:29 PM ^

Yeah, pretty substantial misfire, IMO.  Most of the fan-base is in a much different place mentally with this team right now than this piece would indicate.  To have "The Story" of this season begin on such a comprehensively negative note, I don't know. 

As for the other stuff, Jordan McNair's death was an absolute tragedy.  Full stop.  But I am not sure what the point is of featuring MSU, OSU, and Rutgers misdeeds on "The Story" of the Michigan 2018 season.  

I am sure ready to have all of the great college football to watch to distract everybody from how much they hate college football.

evenyoubrutus

August 27th, 2018 at 1:41 PM ^

I think Brian is basically suggesting that the only teams that win nowadays are the ones who are willing to either 1) pay players in order to get the best or 2) look the other way when your players and/or coaches do egregiously heinous things that would get them fired from any other job. And since Michigan isn't willing to do this we are doomed to a 9-3 mediocrity for the rest of time.

My problem with this thinking is that there are plenty of programs and coaches who have found ways to succeed without selling their souls. In fact, our coach did so at Stanford with stiffer academic standards and far less of a tradition to sell to recruits. If anyone can manage to do it it's Harbaugh.

gpsimms not to…

August 27th, 2018 at 3:44 PM ^

Yeah, I was curious about that. They're, of course, more connected than us. I feel like, for many years, it was said here that Beilein could not recruit against the Dukes, etc., because the playing field was simply not level. The implication of that statement, of course, was that Beilein really doesn't do anything improper, even by the backwards metric of NCAA "morality."

When Ace said "everyone" does it, and neither Seth nor Brian corrected him, the implication was clear: *everyone* does it.

So. huh. I don't even know what to think about that. On the one hand, money for service, yay. On the other, I still kind of liked believing that Michigan was different, that it at least tried to be different, etc. And now there's the thing where Harbaugh won't say anything bad about Durkin, which is kind of an implicit endorsement of his methods.

But still. Sports is fun because random number generators. If we just flip heads a few times in a row, then we can beat some "bad guys" (or, at least "worse guys") and have some fleeting happiness about beating expectations.

zh2oson

August 27th, 2018 at 2:01 PM ^

Most of the fan-base is in a much different place mentally with this team right now than this piece would indicate

Dunno.  Brian nailed it for me. 

I feel both exhausted and exasperated that teams in East Lansing and Columbus continue to do everything wrong and yet will still dominate this coming season. 

zh2oson

August 27th, 2018 at 2:40 PM ^

I don't know if you are replying to my comment.

It isn't a surprise at all. I'm just saying that I feel Brian's ennui - everyone around us is acting like crap and there won't be any on-the-field consequences.

At least during the Tressel scandal, there was ONE YEAR of OSU garbage play.

I do find it kind of reassuring to hear Brian write this way. When I'm surrounded by really angry fans, strangely, it calms me.  I'm weird and have problems, though.

M_Born M_Believer

August 27th, 2018 at 1:24 PM ^

And so it begins.  

Yes, there are many evils in the world (College Football as well).  While I do not ignore those aspects, I choose to focus aspect of a Sheldon High QB who dreams of playing someday at Iowa....  Or more locally, a Hale High School QB that dreams of someday playing for Michigan....

Dreams are the starting point for the impossible to become the possible.....

Let the dream begin.......

Gr1mlock

August 27th, 2018 at 1:25 PM ^

I'm excited for Michigan football to start, the same as I always am.  I love our guys and our program, and I genuinely think this will be a great year.  But I know I'm going to be less into college football on the whole this year.  Competing for a national title against teams that just don't care about the actual humans involved in and connected to the program just seems...whatever.  Like, yay, we're the sloppiest pig in the stall, good for us.   There's something that would feel incredible satisfying about winning it all in a year like this, of being the shining beacon that says "no, you don't have to be a shitbag to succeed."  We had that with the Nova/Michigan finals in basketball this year, two programs that do things the Right Way triumphing over the cheaters and payoffs and one-and-dones.  So we'll see.  Maybe this is the year, the year good triumphs over evil (and it's not a rivalry thing anymore, Ohio State and MSU and...most of the B1G East? are genuine sources of evil and misfortune in the world at this point), but I can't help feeling that it'll be another year of the same, another year of the heels choking out a guy in the corner while the ref admonishes the faces.  

 

Go Blue, let's make this the year that we punish every one of these crooked programs and show that occasionally, not being a monster pays off.  

Luckey1083

August 27th, 2018 at 1:37 PM ^

Another reason for optimism: who really thought the men's b-ball had any kind of shot at the national title before the season last year... nobody.  It took Beilein until year 6 to really make some noise for Michigan in college b-ball.  I'm hoping its year 4 for Harbaugh in football here at Michigan.  We have the necessary ingredients for a special season, its just time to let the pieces fall in place and see where we come out on the other side.  I'll be disappointed with anything less than 10 wins (even with this ridiculous schedule) and ecstatic with anything more!  Go Blue, can't wait for the boys to roll into South Bend and start this special season off in the right way!  To hell with Notre Dame!  

Shop Smart Sho…

August 27th, 2018 at 1:37 PM ^

Why should what happens at other universities impact how I feel about Michigan? If we stuck around after Hoke put Morris back on the field, I think we're all here for the long haul.

And you know what? I stuck around because I don't care who the coach is. I enjoy watching the players. I enjoy seeing them celebrate wins and come back from losses. Witnessing world-class athletes do extraordinary things with 100,000 of my closest friends is what is important to me.

 

Shop Smart Sho…

August 27th, 2018 at 1:52 PM ^

This post has a place, and I'm not disagreeing with any of the basic points Brian is making. I just don't understand why he thinks it's the central point to this Michigan season. If he were blogging about MSU, OSU, or Maryland, it would be perfect. But nothing going on at Michigan comes at close to what happened at those schools.

Blueverine

August 27th, 2018 at 1:51 PM ^

Aaah, that's one way to look at it. Another is that we all love this sport of college football, but the people in charge have turned it into a platinum mine while forgetting its core principles. We will always be disappointed in the human failings of commissioners, coaches and players. People still do dumb things with their own lives that used to be unknown, but now we know them all.

The problem for me is when those with authority lose sight of that which they have been entrusted. Then, they make decisions based on personal need, expediency and, of course, money. I'm sick and tired of those with the power so utterly and willfully abusing that power and threatening what has been a critical component of the college experience and a joyful connecting point for millions. There's nothing wrong with making money along the way, but you just can't continue to have that as the only factor in making decisions.

I don't think it's too late to right this ship, but I can't see any light at the end of this tunnel.

And I am still excited about 2018 Michigan football!

Luckey1083

August 27th, 2018 at 1:28 PM ^

Went to Carver-Hawkeye for a wrestling dual meet a few years back.  It was one of the most intense sporting experiences of my life, kinda reminded me of old school Yost, but about 5,000 more people and it seemed like twice as loud.  I think it was 2015 and Iowa was ranked #1 and they handled Michigan with relative ease.  Even after an intense wrestling dual meet (Iowa is rather intense about their wrestling) everyone was super nice and complimented on how well Michigan wrestled.  I would love to go back for a football game, just not at night...

Jeff09

August 27th, 2018 at 1:28 PM ^

Keith Jackson isn't really dead when your eyes water a little bit every time you hear the Woodson punt return touchdown call, or think about watching Denard's first touchdown run and not really comprehending what just happened, or remember the feeling of walking out of Spartan Stadium after stealing the "Little Brother" game. I guess there's some distance to it for me because I can hold out hope that we are a little different, that we haven't been exposed as abhorrent, selfish, grotesque parodies of sports fandom. I'm not saying we can't, or never will, but I have plausible deniability. Maybe that makes me part of the problem. But I still feel all the tingles and jingles every late August, even now. It's getting harder, sure, but it's still there for me. 

Wolverine 73

August 27th, 2018 at 1:30 PM ^

You need to cheer up.  The worm always turns in major football rivalries, sometimes it just takes longer than other times.  The Cooper years may seem far off, but they will come again.  Keep the faith.  Michigan has outcoached Ohio State but lost because of poor QB and OL play.  Those are being fixed, and the worm will soon be turning.

GotBlueOnMyMind

August 27th, 2018 at 1:34 PM ^

I guess I am confused about what people want Harbaugh to say about Durkin. If he says he didn’t see anything wrong while Durkin was here, then people will latch onto the Peppers comment and say Harbaugh condones the type of behavior that led to McNair’s death. Or, they’ll say Harbaugh doesn’t know what is going on on his team/staff. If he says he went over the line here, then people will ask why he hired him after the Stanford stint and why he didn’t do anything about it. It is the definition of a lose-lose situation for Harbaugh. He gains nothing by answering, as any answer will be viewed as an indictment on him. In that situation, rather just let people read into his silence than giving them a sound bite to repeat for the next week.

ijohnb

August 27th, 2018 at 1:42 PM ^

The truth of the matter is that Harbaugh owes nobody an explanation of any kind about Durkin coaching at Michigan.  Nothing happened with Durkin at Michigan.  Nothing happened with Durkin at Stanford.  Yeah, perhaps I would like an explanation as to why we sucked so bad against Ohio State that year, I could use that, but Durkin coached here for one unremarkable year and moved on for a head coaching position.  Peppers said he was kind of a "bully coach" but also said that he could not believe was he was hearing and seeing about what took place at Maryland.  The "long story short" of Pepper interview was "yes, he was intense and a little bit of a prick but not like that."

It just has nothing to do with Harbaugh.  It is just more outrage seeking.

Blue and Joe

August 27th, 2018 at 1:53 PM ^

If everything you say is true, that is what he needs to say. Tell us that bullshit didn't happen here and he would never condone it. People just want to hear something. The guy has employed Durkin and multiple places. It's not unreasonable to expect a grown-up answer.

WGoNerd

August 27th, 2018 at 1:35 PM ^

Wonderfully written.  I always look forward to "The Story" because it means football is around the corner.

To me this is a piece about trying to reconnect to what you love about the sport, because there has been a lot of what I hate about the sport lately.

LeCheezus

August 27th, 2018 at 1:39 PM ^

Between this and the third segment of the podcast, I'm at a loss that Brian/Seth/Ace are practically putting Harbaugh's lack of comment on Durkin at the same level as the actual, quantifiable wrongdoing going around the B1G E.

There's wanting to have a program with higher standards and there's taking every event in the most negative, self dong punching light possible and there is too much of the latter around here these days.

go16blue

August 27th, 2018 at 2:34 PM ^

Nobody is saying it's "at the same level," but I think it's clear that when it comes to program culture, and how the coach feels things aught to be run, Harbaugh is a lot closer to "old school" guys like Urban than, say, Beilein. I hope shit doesn't hit the fan here in the same way but I think a lot of that is random chance. If Brady Hoke covering up Gibbon's rape (and Lewan's intimidation) had happened now it would be huge news.

LeCheezus

August 27th, 2018 at 3:20 PM ^

Yeah, you're right nobody said that including myself in the post above so not sure what point you're trying to make.  Go listen to part 3 of the podcast.  Ace breaks out the "UNACCEPTABLE" on this topic.  If Harbaugh wants to "no comment" this one a week before the season, I'm going to live with it.  I really can't think of a response that is going to make anyone happy at this point.

Everyone shapes every UM piece of info as the biggest dong punch possible around here to where a lot of people (see many responses in this thread) are pretty down on everything.  At some point it's like, maybe stop punching yourself in the dong all the time?

bacon1431

August 27th, 2018 at 1:39 PM ^

My girlfriend is from Iowa and I love visiting. Iowa fans shut down every bar they enter. They'll joke with you about your team and slap you on the back. They make you want to give them a handshake or a hug instead of a punch. It's the exact opposite of what you experience from OSU fans. Part of it is the rivalry, I'm sure, but I think most fanbases have the same experience with OSU fans. 

The Baughz

August 27th, 2018 at 1:57 PM ^

Boy you guys are super butt hurt about Harbaugh not responding to the Durkin questions. Harbaugh is doing exactly what he should be. You are so worried about being the kings of morality. Yes, I am glad Michigan is not PSU/OSU/MSU when it comes to off field issues; but Harbaugh does not need to answer anything about Durkin. Nothing serious happened at Michigan while Durkin was here, so there’s no need to answer for what happened at Maryland, or because maybe at times, he was a bit of a bully. Durkin is an asshole, but again, nothing major happened at Michigan. 

Bodogblog

August 27th, 2018 at 1:41 PM ^

Brian will pass this blog to Seth, and start a usmnt site.  That will act as salve for a time, for his sports soul.  But eventually he'll post the article above, musing how the love he found in that bar in Ireland has been overcome by corruption, open racism, and the purposelessness of fan passion in that sport, given all the things wrong in the world.  

Such is the wont of an artist.  But he's also a doer and pragmatist, so knows that sports have not morphed into this, but have always been this way.  It reflects human greed in the same way as everything else marks this planet.  Things seem terrible in so many ways, but actually are so much better. The monolith that is LeBron shows the athlete outstripping the owner and perhaps showing a better way.  But all of it needs help. 

Run for regent Brian. It's you that is morphing. 

MartinSr21

August 27th, 2018 at 1:43 PM ^

Man the sanctimonious level of this blog has gone up about a 1000% percent in the last year. I know all this crap needs to be addressed, but it's football week. The team has real potential, there is a huge game coming up, and this is the post we get?

Add two predictions of a loss to OSU from Brian already? Time for a sabbatical, this is just depressing.