OT - EYB I now know what you're going through

I'm at a loss for words other than to say I'm so sorry for your loss and your posting this, your message about putting things in perspective, will not be lossed on me. 

Good luck and congratulations on your marriage. 

I have never been through this situation myself, but my best friend did only a few years ago.  I was his first call from the hospital and immediately could tell something was wrong just from his voice.  I've never felt so low, and that was just due to his pain.  I cannot imagine how terrible he felt.  There is no easy solution.  Only time and friends can help heal it  As a small positive, they now have a 10 month old child and we will celebrate both birthdays every year.  I wish this upon no one, but there is a chance to come out on the other side just as strong.  Be there for each other and don't feel scared to ask for help when you need it.  As we grow older, it's shocking how many people deal with some form of this.  It's truly unthinkable.  I hope my words help in any capacity, if only for an instant.

I hope this will comfort you as I mean this from the heart.  Sometimes we don't understand the reasons of the "why" of things.  One can never understand the "why" of what happened and the "why" of the loss that occured.  I like to think there has to be a reason of the "why".  Maybe it was the body protecting the mother or something else wasn't just so.  All I can say is with my sons mom .... we went through 4 miscarriages. Atopic .... anencephaly .... .... etc   It wasn't easy as you can imagine.  Don't give up though.  There must have been a plan because on the 5th time ..... my perfectly healthy son was born.  I like to look back and think there was a "why" and "how" to things and it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason.  This is just my view of my own situation.  I hope you both have a happy ending in trying to have a child so these tears you have cried will soon be tears of joy. 

Anyway .... I know how the hurt feels now .... I hope you get this gift in the near future and don't stop trying ( I mean it's fun trying .. yes?).  It's no ones fault and nothing you could of done.  I wish you and her happiness in this time of heartache and look foward to you telling this board about the "good news" in the near future.  

I hope you have an awesome wedding! 

because of the difficult road you walked together to get to that day.  may you two hold each other closely all the years of your respective lives, with children being the loving fruit of your union, children that you hold even more closely to your heart because of what it took to get there.  

the wife and I shared a similar experience. I can still see her in that emotional state I hope she never finds herself in again. That was many, many years ago and since then she gave birth to our son and we went on with our lives. I know that if a spirit was bound to that fetus, we will see him or her again; that is my belief and it will be joyous. This wound will heal with time; may God grant you a happy prosperous family in the future. Prayers sent!  

My MGoWife had three confirmed miscarriages (two more unconfirmed) very early into our marriage.  This nearly drove my wife to swearing off attempting to ever have children.  After the second, the excitement of finding out she was pregnant was almost completely gone and replaced with anxiety.  As hard is it can be on you and your marriage, it will never compare to what a woman goes through.  The depression that followed each one was something I wouldn't wish on anyone, let alone the love of my life.  You may find that all you can do is to offer your support and be there for her when she cries.

  The one thing that I will offer is seek medical assistance, if possible.  We did before completely giving up.  Today, I have two wonderful children, one of which spends every home game with me on Saturdays in the fall.  Both are exceptional students and even better young men.

Sorry to hear this, but know that happiness can still be had.

To MgoUser Maquih - you are the asshat that downvoted this.  Leave the board, you're not needed here.

After our first child we had three straight misscarriages in a row before our second child was born.  It was a very hard time.

I reccomend you mourn.  It is a loss that many people will not take as seriously as a born child dying but it is heart wrenching and needs to be dealt with compassion and healing.

My wife & I have lost two children before birth - one was old enough we needed a D&C to have the baby be removed & buried.  The pain is real and the loss is lasting.  Don't try to pretend the loss isn't there but rather remember your children and don't be ashamed of being thrilled at becoming a father.  We have a small, nice wooden box of a few memories from each of them (ultrasound pics, the pregnancy test, a stuffed animal, etc) that is on on a dresser in our room and it is helpful to have those tangible memories of them.  

We now have three born children and we have shared with them about their older siblings.  Them bringing up their older siblings sometimes can be painful but it is freeing to acklowledge the truth of their being and the reality of your love for them, born or unborn.  

Learn from my mistake - it is ok to share your feelings with your fiancee & soon to be wife.  I saw my wife crying and tried to hold in my feelings to "be strong for her" but that just made her more concerned and worried about me in addition to being sad for the loss of our children.  

Last, but not least, know the pain does lessen.  Putting words to the pain is difficult but liberating.  Even saying the words "I am sad I never got to hold my child" is simple but helps define the pain and makes it easier to understand.  

My prayers are with you and my MGoBrethren who have lost kids.  Support the women in your life and never be ashamed of loving your children.  

We are expecting our first child on May 31..after having a miscarriage early last year. My cousin lost her baby at 8  months last week. We are both cautiously otpimistic, and finally allowing ourselves to get excited after getting sonograms and hearing the heartbeat. It's sad that it's such a harrowing process, but I guess that makes the miracle even more special. Just know that your child will get twice the love. 

I stayed away from Mgo as well for about 6 weeks following the MSU game for the same reason. I hated the comments and I had a Twitter encounter with one of the staff that turned me off completely. Even upon coming back it was only to read Brian and Ace's work and none of the comments. I am just now getting back to logging in more than once a week. I can understand why some people are so serious...because as a husband (or wife) and a father (or mother) your life becomes less about going out and more about finding things you can do at home or around family schedules...and if it's limited to 12 times a year, that's awesome. It's easy to get attached to a hobby and for many people their fandom is their hobby, and in some cases their obsession.  It's normally a safe place to pour your unused emotions into, especially if you are normally fairly stoic in life.  Now, with a child on the way, things don't seem as important. I can record the game and start watching it an hour later (it really helps with the too many commercials issue) and I can live a very happy life without needing to know all things about Michigan as soon as they happen.

I don't mean it in a judgy way, there are worse habits to have. But there are a lot of fans out there, who have little to no perspective, as evidenced by the OP...and another user who posted an awesome story about his friend who passed last year.  The board is full of stories and anecdotes about fantastic people who have touched our lives in some way or another. This site can be great and supportive  and hilarious...about everything except the primary thing that brought us here. 

Go Blue

So sorry, that is terrible.

Maybe this can make you feel better, give you a little hope.

When my wife and I decided to start trying for a baby we actually got pregnant pretty quickly, within the first couple months. She ended up having a miscarriage around 8-10 weeks in.

It took us over a year of trying to get pregnant again. Every month she ended up not being pregnant, was heart-wrenching. We went to a fertility doctor, luckily it didn't go as far as IVF, but it did take a round of IUI to get pregnant.

Our daughter is now 4 years old and she is amazing!

When we decided to go for number 2, we ended up having twins. They are now 1 1/2.

So we went from having a miscarriage and a following year of monthly misery. To having 3 wonderful kids less than 6 years later.

Good luck in your journey!

My wife and I have started an organization meant to help families with premature babies and those who experience a loss of life.  It is called Hand to Hold.  The website has many resources and it is FREE.  Check it out here: http://www.handtohold.org

Most men don't want to "talk about their feelings" in situations like these, but I can tell you from personal experience that such tramas have long lasting effects if not addressed, including PTSD, anxiety, child abuse and divorce.

Ping me anytime to talk... I've walked the walk.

I'm so sorry for the loss and pain you and your soon to be wife are going through. I hope sharing with us provided you any amount of healing. As a father, it was very hard to read and try and imagine how you are feeling. 

I will pray for your healing.

I'm so sorry to hear this news.

I didn't comment on the original EYB thread, but now want to say just a little bit...

First, I have a friend who went through this.  The one positive about it was through talking about it, they found out how many people had dealt with similar tragedies.  As you can see from the comments, this has impacted so many lives.

Second, take care of each other.  This won't go away.  You will each deal with it differently.  Try to share your feelings with, and support, your partner.  Though it will be different for you compared to her, you each have a lot to manage.  The statistics are *bad* regarding what happens when a couple loses a child in any circumstance.  Don't be afraid or embarassed to seek the help you need.

Finally, the duality of life continues to amaze me.  For every joy there is a tragedy.  For every tragedy there is a joy.  For every heartbreaking situation like the one Larry Prout Jr. is going through, there is a JT Rogan lifting him up to touch the banner.  Celebrate the joys in your life.  They are precious.  Make your wedding a fantastic day full of family and memories and the stepping off point to a happy life together.

Thoughts, prayers, and best wishes to you and EYB as you both come to grips with what has unfolded.

I'm so sorry for the pain and loss you're feeling now. Know that there is so much hope for the future. Many go through this only to be given second, third and fourth chances. We have friends who had two heart breaking miscarriages. She, now 40, is pregnant with their third child. 

I wish you much happiness in the future. 

Sincere condolences to McSomething and everyone who's posted about similar losses.  My heart goes out to all of you.

That would devestate me too. I hope that you and your fiance can find something, anything positive to take from this at some point.  Don't ever give up.

So sorry to hear this. Things will get better!

Not sure why anyone would downvote this, but "maquih" will be getting downvotes in his post history from me now

I'm so sorry for your loss. My wife and I experienced something similar twice; both losses were far enough along that she had to have D&Cs. The first pregnancy was after we started fertility treatments following years of no success trying to conceive. I assumed being told of the first pregnancy meant we were past the difficulty and on to the good stuff; unfortunately, I vividly remember standing in the ultrasound room and watching the monitor while the doctor stalled as he looked for a heartbeat that he wasn't going to find.

It was the lowest point I've experienced. Our doctor said that about 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, with many happening without anyone knowing there was a pregnancy. That helped me process the situation after a round of looking for why something like this happened. Should we have done something differently, and so on.

And then it happened again. I was much better prepared this time, of course, but it was still brutal. And I didn't like what it did to me; I was bitter. We told nobody that we were trying to conceive, and nobody that we had these losses. Meanwhile, family and friends who meant well were constantly asking us if we wanted to have kids. My mother-in-law kept asking for grandkids. Close friends announced they were expecting after their first time trying, and I was more jealous than happy for them. And the fertility treatments for us weren't cheap, so the financial aspect started to weigh on us. I was just awful.

But then our story gets much better. We had success about a decade ago--a boy. And less than three years after him, fraternal triplets. Four boys conceived through IVF at the same time, one born a couple of years before the other three. When you tell people you have four boys so close in age and triplets as part of that package, it blows their minds. But our journey to this point gave me a bunch of perspective. I know how fortunate we are, and how much tougher things could be. And how much tougher they were.

My advice is to talk to someone; don't keep it to yourselves like we did. Your parents are a good start; perhaps the poster who offered a link and a chance to talk would be, too.

Don't lose hope. It's more common than I ever thought it was. But you see some of the personal stories shared here--people who found what they wanted after brutally tough times. And as I've shared my story with others, I've met plenty more who've gone through it, too.

And if you're ever to the point where you need fertility assistance and want to add to your family, do it if you can. There's long been a stigma attached to such help, but it fades all the time. There's plenty of us out there, doing odd things as we hope for success.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish you and your soon-to-be wife the very best.

My wife and I had two miscarriages before our oldest daught was born.  We lost two more babies over the next 20 years, but we have 7 great kids.  It is very sad that this happens, but everything happens for a reason, it may not seem like it now.  When we had our second miscarriage the doctor told us to wait for a few months before getting pregnant again.  We ended up having our oldest daughter 10 months later.  Wishing you and your wife a very happy marriage and I hope you are both successful in your dreams to be parents.

and you, too, EvenyouBrtus. I was unaware of Brutus's loss for the reasons you pointed out. i open this site daily with a bit of trepidation because I am not certain what I will find. 

What you two have experienced and shared should wake everyone up, however, and members here should now be able to put a small amount of perspective on what is a game and differentiate between that which is important and that which we make important. 

Bless you both. 

While now is the time to grieve, it is always important to hold on to a thread of hope.

It was very difficult for Mrs. Trueblueintexas to get pregnant. After many years we got lucky and had an MGoBoy.

Four years of trying later we found out we were miraculously pregnant again (this time with a MGoGirl!) only to learn a few weeks later she had passed (this happened while I was on a business trip).

One year after that we found out we were pregnant again, this time with another MGoBoy. We now have two amazing boys and marvel everyday why we have been so blessed. 

Two take aways: 1) even if you have had one, don't take the second, third, etc for granted. I attended every meeting with the midwives on our third pregnancy after my wife had to find out on her own that her little girl wasn't going to be. 2) You never know what the future holds.

Grieve now, keep hope for good things to come. 

These are the most trying and difficult moments to get through in life. My heart goes out to you both. May you both be blessed with MGoBunldes-of-joy in the future.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Real life is a lot more real than the games we enjoy.

So sorry, I can't imagine your grief.  Take comfort celebrating the beginning of your lives together.  As a married man, your #1 job is to be there.  For better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer, those aren't just random words.  Be her rock.  I wish you a happy marriage and the blessing of a family in the future.