OT - EYB I now know what you're going through

Submitted by McSomething on
A few weeks ago, evenyoubrutus posted his heartbreaking story of finding out his unborn child did not make it. He did it to bring some perspective to a board nearly ripping itself apart because of a lossed football game. Apparently the fates determined we needed a Part 2.

At 5 weeks my fiancé had an ultrasound and everything looked normal, we were happy and excited. Two weeks later she had a second one for some followup reasons, I believe. This one went a little differently, because they noticed a second sac in her womb, but it didn't look to be developing. The first sac still looked perfectly fine, heartbeat and all. So we made a followup again, for another two weeks. Just to make sure everything was alright, the undeveloped sac was absorbing, and the healty one remained so. That was yesterday. When taking another, and now final look, they saw no more development or activity (blood flow or heartbeat) at all in the first baby. What was set to be twins has now turned into a small void in our lives.

The highs and lows of a football season can be an emotional roller coaster. But the highs are never as good as finding out you're going to be a dad. And the lows are never as crushing as finding out that was snatched away from you. Yesterday I sat in my parents' living room and cried like a small child. I have never shed a tear, win or lose, over a Michigan football game. I responded in EYB's topic that "As a guy that found out a few weeks ago his fiance is pregnant, I hope to god I never have to know your pain or sorrow." Well, my mgobrother, I think I'm now there with you. This is the lowest point in my life. That is not hyperbole. That is not some kind of recency bias. That is factual. All of the sorrows I have felt in my life are far lesser, and in some cases downright trivial, in comparison to this.

I marry the love of my life next Friday; she was going to be carrying my baby as she walked down that aisle. What was set to be the happiest day of our lives will now be diminished to a degree I can't predict. I want to bring this back around as a sort of call for some measure of calm after losses, but I can't find the words right now.

I was mostly done posting after the board started turning on itself, I think I might be stepping away for a lot longer now.

ca_prophet

December 1st, 2017 at 5:55 PM ^

We grieve with thee, and grieve anew for our own losses. As you're now seeing, many people have similar stories, myself included. Like most of the stories above, ours also had a happy outcome (our son is 9.5). My advice is also similar. Take your time to process and grieve, enjoy your wedding and the life in front in front of you when you're ready.

UM Griff

December 1st, 2017 at 10:08 PM ^

To express one’s feelings to you and your fiancé at a time like this. It is great that you have reached out to the MgoCommunity. So many others have experienced something similar, and I hope it gives you some comfort to know so many here support you. I am sure you and your new wife will be wonderful parents when it happens. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Roc Blue in the Lou

December 2nd, 2017 at 12:02 AM ^

My heart and prayers go out to you. We have twin boys who survived twin to twin transfusion and spent 20 weeks watching ultra sounds, taking measurements and praying/crying. Though both lives were constantly threatened we committed to loving what we may never have held in this life knowing in our hearts one day we would. You have the same gift and right, to love, to cry to know this isn't the end.

hillbillyblue

December 2nd, 2017 at 12:27 AM ^

My prayers go out to you.  When my ex wife was pregnant with our first child we had a very big scare.  When we went for the first ultrasound they found a small cyst on the baby's brain.  They also noticed she could possibly have clubbed hands and feet.  We were told there was a chance our daughter had Trisomy 13 and if she was carried to term there was less than 1% chance she would live through the first week.  They scheduled a follow up ultrasound 6 weeks later so they could make a better determination of what was actually going on.  That was the longest 6 weeks of our lives.  During the follow up it was discovered that the cyst disolved and her hands and feet were perfectly normal.  She's 9 now and one of the smartest kids in her class. 

JWG Wolverine

December 2nd, 2017 at 2:06 AM ^

Like EYB's post, it puts things in perspective that in the end, we shouldn't let ourselves get carried away and too frustrated over Michigan Football. Although it deservingly takes an emotional place in our lives, we have to remind ourselves that there are so many more things that take that place too.

This is a horrible thing to happen to anyone. Very sorry to hear about this. Thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones.

Forever Go Blue and God Bless.