The Main Character (kinda like TWIS)
If you haven't read it already, I heartily recommend "The Main Character" (by Jason Kirk), which is basically a reboot of "This Week in Schadenfreude":
https://ftw.usatoday.com/2021/09/brian-kelly-notre-dame-week-1
The opening sentence: "Welcome to THE MAIN CHARACTER, a weekly college football wrapup that recognizes the truth of this sport: it’s about nothing but feelings, primarily about enjoying the bad ones suffered by people other than you."
September 7th, 2021 at 10:30 AM ^
I like how they basically brought (a good part of) the band together from EDSBS on USAToday
September 7th, 2021 at 10:33 AM ^
That was a fun read. I suggest you bring it to us every week.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:01 AM ^
I agree. I enjoyed that. Would love to see that posted for me every week because I am lazy.
September 7th, 2021 at 12:04 PM ^
Very good, I used to love reading TWIS when Brian wrote it, that was gold
September 7th, 2021 at 10:41 AM ^
Haha. Ed Orgeron to a UCLA fan: "Bring your ass on, in your sissy blue shirt!"
It didn't take long for these to appear on the market:
September 7th, 2021 at 10:53 AM ^
How can anyone know what he says??
September 7th, 2021 at 11:34 AM ^
The hidden gem in this feature is that Ed Orgeron needs subtitles to be understood, like he is speaking an incomprehensible foreign language. Which he is.
September 7th, 2021 at 12:36 PM ^
It's Louisiana Creole. C'mon man, you don't understand that?
September 7th, 2021 at 2:48 PM ^
I'm creole on my dad's side. My great father spoke it, and we would crack up when he'd go off on a tangent and would start speaking in creole.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:04 AM ^
I declare shenanigans. There is no way Eddie Gumbo put that many words together in English, in one sentence.
September 7th, 2021 at 1:17 PM ^
"It's not Irish. It's not English. It's just, well; you know it's just pikey"
September 7th, 2021 at 6:24 PM ^
Love this movie:
Mickey O'Neil: do you like dags
Mickey O'Neil: Do you like dags?
Tommy: dags
Tommy: Dags?
Mickey O'Neil: yeah dags
Mickey O'Neil: Yeah dags.
Tommy: oh dogs yeah i like dags
Tommy: Uh dogs yeah I like dags.
September 7th, 2021 at 10:47 AM ^
https://www.rollbamaroll.com/2021/9/7/22659539/nsfw-its-meltdown-time-w…
There has been something similar for a number of years over at the Bama SB Nation site. I think it started the year after Brian stopped doing TWIS.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:04 AM ^
Glad someone linked the actual successor to the fun version of TWIS.
September 7th, 2021 at 10:48 AM ^
"Washington St is going to punt every 4th down because Nick Rolovich doesn't believe in taking shots."
Well done.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:00 AM ^
Jason Kirk is an easy upvote.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:03 AM ^
For as little games as Maryland wins every year, they sure troll the hell out of the ones they beat.
September 7th, 2021 at 2:23 PM ^
God knew if they had a good football team their twitter account would become too powerful.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:05 AM ^
Couldn't stop laughing at Dabo with the 'L' Flag. Photo of the Year contender right there.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:25 AM ^
I opened this article expecting to find a comment or two on Dr. Blitz in Arizona. But, Don was spared. That BYU QB destroyed the blitzes.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:30 AM ^
I like this.
September 7th, 2021 at 11:34 AM ^
Brian Kelly trying to channel John McKay's execution joke is like Dustin Hoffman's Charlie Babbitt character trying to do the Who's on First routine.
That said, any sports reporter ought to know that joke. It's one of the most famous quips in football history. It's like never having heard the Lombardi quote "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."
September 7th, 2021 at 11:58 AM ^
Gah!! This reminds me of a commercial from several years ago, for a shampoo, or something, targeted at women. The quote was "I believe the guy that said 'winning isn't everything', never actually won a thing".
Makes me want to puke... Gawd, I HATED that commercial. I had to mansplain it to my wife every single time it came on.
September 7th, 2021 at 12:25 PM ^
The Kelly joke is just kind of foolish and not funny. The guy is just an asshole.
Kids must really have been brought up with the tradition of Notre Dame to agree to spend their college years around that douche.
September 7th, 2021 at 12:30 PM ^
Brian Kelly was caught in that awkward position of where he was determined in advance to make that joke because he felt it was pretty damn good for the occasion, but then the reporter never set it up. Instead of letting it go, Kelly decided he had to set it up himself.
Of course, that doesn't really work with this joke. It'd be a bit like saying "A lot of people expect us to make the playoffs" in order to be able to respond to yourself with "Playoffs? Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs. Are you kidding me? I just hope we win a game!"
September 7th, 2021 at 11:50 AM ^
That article was enjoyable, but it's not TWIS. TWIS shared some crazy fan meltdowns from message boards. The Main Character has a few funny tweets from national writers and personalities, but it doesn't capture the emotion/lunacy of college football in the same way. I prefer TWIS because I'm a terrible person, but this was good too.
September 7th, 2021 at 2:41 PM ^
The one mentioned above, It's Meltdown Time for Roll Bama Roll, is more similar to TWIS. Quotes off message boards when a fanbase is in mid-meltdown. The rants of dumb drunk guys can actually be pretty hilarious.
September 7th, 2021 at 12:52 PM ^
This is good, thanks!
September 7th, 2021 at 12:56 PM ^
Can we kick Maryland out of the Big 10 for this?
September 7th, 2021 at 1:24 PM ^
"It seems apocryphal, but McKay and Stengel both supposedly uttered the funniest line in sports history, though there is no direct record of them saying it and no one knows if they did.
It is as follows: “What did you think of your team’s execution, Coach?” The answer: “I’m in favor of it.”
https://www.bucsnation.com/2016/9/19/12972680/john-mckay-buccaneers-tampa-bay-quote-execution
September 7th, 2021 at 7:58 PM ^
The Indiana misspell will go down in college football lore. So glad we ditched Adidas. It’s like they just forgot about Indiana football.