Brady Hoke's Intricately Rendered Sculptures Comment Count

Brian

There's a David Foster Wallace story from Oblivion in which a main character has an incredibly talented sphincter. He becomes renowned for pooping out beautiful works of art and it's all very confusing and revolting and weird and sad because that's the overall thrust of Oblivion. It's called "The Suffering Channel." You should check it out if you've always wanted to read a 90-page story about poop art*.

What I am saying to you is this: Brady Hoke is not entirely dissimilar from the talented Brint Moltke. The man poops magic. In this he is the exact opposite of the star-crossed Rich Rodriguez. Because we are (largely) not clinically depressed people trying to grapple with 9/11 we can leave out the existential dread. The man poops magic. Yay!

yay

When Hoke took the job he brought some dudes with him and no one was that impressed since no one had ever heard of them, and then he asked Greg Mattison if he'd like to come back to college a year after he'd flirted with Florida and his defensive backs coach was going to be hired away. If you listen to Peter King, they really liked the defensive backs coach and didn't necessarily love the idea that their DC would constantly be flirting with a return to college. So they said "okay, you should probably go" instead of backing up the dump truck of money at his house. So now Michigan has a veteran defensive coordinator Urban Meyer says is "the best recruiter in the country" who can say "you == Ray Lewis."

When Hoke took the job Michigan State had barely had to fight for the top player in the state the past couple years because his coach had him ready to pick Michigan State a year before he signed. The guys responsible for that are no longer at those high schools and four of the top five players in the state are either from Cass Tech, best friends with the guys from Cass Tech, or Michigan fans. Michigan got all those guys.

When Hoke took the job Ohio State was the omnipresent Big Ten Death Star, scandal free since the arrival of Darth Tressel and merrily blowing Michigan's seasons to bits. There was no reason to believe it would change until Tressel entered his JoePa phase about ten years from now, which is when Hoke would be getting ready to retire himself. Then a lawyer inadvertently sent a photon torpedo down the exhaust hatch.

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So. When Brady Hoke was hired I put up "We Are ND" which wait why link when you can embed:

This was both an opportunity to post "We Are ND" again and an editorial commentary on hiring an old guy with an indifferent career record instead of a young one who can plausibly be declared up and coming. At the time I thought Hoke was good to beat OSU maybe three times in a ten year career and then would give way to the next guy because he'd be 65 by then, and while this would be an improvement on the last decade there are several Southeast Asian prisons that would qualify as an improvement on the last decade vis a vis OSU.

A few months after Hoke's hire the two low-probability events above have transpired. Michigan's ceiling in this brave new world is now unknown. Or more unknown than "probably not as good as Ohio State," which wasn't exactly an axiom in the first place.

It's likely Ohio State will be searching for a new head coach soon, and the addition of Mattison not only promises defenses better than not only the Rodriguez-GERG debacles but those of the last half-decade of the Carr era when punt-and-strangle became punt-and-strangle-the-DC. Even if Tressel manages to survive he will take a heavy hit from the NCAA. His reputation is already in tatters. Michigan State's renaissance will be brief and quickly ended if in-state recruiting continues on the path it has this year, and Michigan already has the top guy in 2013 whispering in his classmates' ears about where they should go.

Meanwhile, Hoke has done a tremendous job to not screw it up. This is not a backhanded compliment. Not screwing it up is really hard. Greg Robinson: QED. Hoke knew and acquired Mattison; even if the Ravens weren't fighting hard having the temerity to ask or the knowledge he could get him is something. He has not lost any of the in-state locks to Penn State or Ohio State or Notre Dame or Michigan State and along the way he flipped two of the three guys Michigan State fans were banking on and probably the third if he can get his grades up. A wave of media and program adulation was waiting for anyone who could say "hi, I'm not Rich Rodriguez"; Hoke has turned large sections of Southeastern Michigan into lovesick tweens by saying "you're not Rich Rodriguez either!" He hasn't blown his layups, which is more than Michigan's head coach has been able to say for a while.

The prognosis now is much better than it was in January. Hoke will be able to shovel early missteps onto Rodriguez's grave—already the tallest mountain east of the Rockies—and ride out the awkward transition from the spread, at which point he'll have a roster full of guys who are qualified, a career record worlds better than Rodriguez's, and a talent advantage over his division opponents. From there it's a matter of grabbing that goddamn win over Ohio State and seeing what happens. It's hard for me to think we'll be as good as spread terror du jour in any particular year, but let's whine about that bridge when we get to it.

*[HIKM!]

Comments

Magnus

May 13th, 2011 at 2:22 PM ^

Unless Brian is really a Buckeye who's been masquerading as a U of M graduate and Wolverines fan for the past six years (when was MGoBlog founded - 2005?), then I'm pretty sure he'll be ecstatic if Michigan starts winning 10 games a year.

This is the nature of things.  If Brian were a complete homer and thought every coach was the reincarnation of Knute Rockne, then his opinions would carry about the same weight as LeAnn Rimes on a moon landing.

(Hint: She's skinny.)

Njia

May 13th, 2011 at 2:54 PM ^

Let me fix that for you

"...then his opinions would carry about the same weight as LeAnn Rimes on a moon landingwriting a paper on quantum physics."

There. All better.

GustaveFerbert

May 14th, 2011 at 12:07 PM ^

But Brian's opinions are really no more valid than anyone else's opinions on here.  They are just opinions from a guy who started a blog that has become popular to Michigan fans and because he was willing to take that chance and risk it, he brought us a good product and apepars to be able to make a living what many of us do for escape from our real worlds. 

But taking that chance does not mean that somehow his opinions are more valid than the rest.    And as you stated, it also does not mean that he should "admit" he was wrong.  He offered an opinion, to which some (or perhaps many) disagree.   Time will tell whether the decision by Brandon was right from the won/loss perspective.... And my guess is that it will take more than one  year to get 10/11 win expectations to be realistic.   

Brandon does, however, appear to have made a proper decision if uniting a large majority of the fan base and, more importantly, potential large donors was the objective.  Just like getting former players more in unison is an important part.  Having a more united team base is one part of helping recruiting.  Wins bring another part.   There are many parts to getting a continuing consistently strong program.

 

Go Blue! 

M-Wolverine

May 13th, 2011 at 2:11 PM ^

If we lose, the card comes out. If we win, who cares who said what...we're winning! Backing a guy and believing in him and watching him fail stings, whether one admits it or not.

Hail-Storm

May 13th, 2011 at 3:04 PM ^

and completely ignore it. haha.

Last year, our 13 game schedule yielded us 426 pts for vs 458 pts against. A increase and decrease of 20% would yield us 340.8 for to 366.4 against, which is a slight uptick in advantage.  If we look at total yards we see an advantage of 6353 yds for to 5860 yds against. Taking the same 20% increase and deductions would result in 5082 to 4688, which wuld be a negative result. 

If either the offense or defense were mediocre last year, a 20% gain and loss would not be equal.  But because our offense was so good, and our defense was equally bad, a 20% improvement and drop off would most liekly provide us with the same end result of 7-6. Thus the math checks out.

(and again your /s was hopefully as obvious as my initial response)

tubauberalles

May 13th, 2011 at 3:42 PM ^

and I'm no mathemagician mind you, but a 20% increase over the absolute value of our defense would be a much smaller number than a 20% decrease of the absolute value of our offense.  So it's probably actually worse, but I'm happy to be very wrong.

 

HAIL-YEA

May 13th, 2011 at 9:28 PM ^

I think people are forgetting what a great job he did putting a nice recruiting class together in a couple weeks. We had 8 commits I think when Hoke was hired, yet we finished with a full class of quality recruits 2 or 3 weeks later.

Rich Rodiguez hired Scott Schaefer and fired him, then hired Gerg. Hoke brought in Mattison and Borges. The Mattison hire didn't just fall on his lap..without Hoke there is no Mattison. Unlike RR, Hoke has cleaned out the state's quality recruits..leaving crap for MSU. I believe this is being done purposely as a smart way to make the MSU game easier in a few years. MSU is coming off an 11-1 Big 10  title season(Lloyd & RR never had to contend with that)   it's May and the guy has the entire state locked down already. Let's think about that a minute...We aren't even into summer and he has pretty much won all the recruiting balttles in this state that matter.

This is more then not messing up, these are some home runs. Brian doesn't have to acknowledge it..but you're plain wrong if you think all hes done is "not screwed up"

I hated this hire, I wanted Harbaugh (who is dead to me now) badly. But after listening to Hoke speak for 2 minutes he had me. It might not happen instantly, but eventually Hoke is gonna be a winner here.

San Diego Mick

May 14th, 2011 at 5:06 AM ^

It's nice to finally read someone with this opinion on here. I had to read this blog's comments and cringed with what I was reading "during the process".

 

Face it , this guy Hoke has got it going' on, not screwing up is exactly a back-handed compliment and even more so a slap in the face.

 

Suck it up Brian and admit you were wrong, you got Magnus defending you like you have him on retainer or something.

Like michman28 has indicated, it's only May and 4 months into his tenure and we're cleaning up the state. Wait till he's been around a while. I bet we win at least 10 games this year including the Bowl Game, remember this date cause I will bring it up when it happens!

 

Here's another thing, I gaurantee you that we will improve as the season goes on under this staff, not regress, which is exactly what we did every seaon under that douche bag of a coach that got his ass canned for sucking like no other coach in our glorious history.

 

Okay, I feel better now

 

BraveWolverine730

May 14th, 2011 at 9:51 AM ^

Alright deep breaths now. I'll tryt to explain to you what Magnus has said several times above. Brian can't sasy he was wrong about the Hoke hire beacause NO GAMES HAVE BEEN PLAYED. Hoke has been a lot like Jordan Morgan. He's been given great dishes by the world at large much like Morgan got them from Morris. However unlike Zach Gibson(in this comparison RR) often would(I liked him but he had stone hands), Morgan(and by extension Hoke) would convert these chances into points. Morgan would earn these opportunites by  contantly running the floor, setting good screens, and having a general high basketball IQ. Similarly Hoke has done an excellent job cashing in on his unique opportunities with his personality, hiring decisions, and general understandiong of the Michigan culture. Just liked saying Morgan was excellenmt last year at converting all of his bunnies, saying the same thing about Hoke is not a backhandeed compliment, it's an accurate summation of the situation until we see what type of gameday coach he is and what product he puts on the field.  Also while RR failed miserably here, I think the douchebag moniker you applied was unfair and moronic to a guy who from all accounts tried his best to succeed here and it just didn't work.

San Diego Mick

May 15th, 2011 at 8:24 AM ^

You're probably the first guy that would go running like a little bitch from a tough situation, I am a tough guy you a-hole, trust me! I'm someone you want on your side in a dark scary alley, what about you, are you a tough guy? Quit calling people that you don't know, names and I won't either, got it? But if you don't like what I typed and you wanna do something about it, come visit San Diego and let me know when you do, it's really nice out here

HAIL-YEA

May 14th, 2011 at 1:35 PM ^

what kind of point you are making... But are you saying the only thing Morgan did well lastr year was "not screw up"   Personally I think it's pretty safe to say Morgan is better then Gibson was, don't you?  I don't like your comparrison at all really. RR is a good football coach..who made some bad decisions when he came here. Gibson just is not that talented.

The big mistake everyone is making here is to think that Hoke walked into some great situation here. Lets face it, he walked into a flaming pile of dung.  The things he has done since being here have changed the perception of M football..it was not luck. I'm sure you all remember his passion at the press conference. "THIS IS MICHIGAN..for gods sake" He hired Mattison which got everyone all gitty. MSU and OSU fans are conceeding we will have a nasty D in a couple years. If RR was still coach..is there anyway anyone would think that? Did anyone think that the week after the bowl game? OSU has not had a single sanction hit them yet...MSU is defending B10 champs..How has hoke been lucky so far? If next year Tressel is fired and OSU gets some huge sanstions then u can say he got lucky...as of right now you are all just hoping. Go look at the recruiting threads on RCMB..you can get such gems as "OUR RUN IS OVER"  We haven't even played a game and he has beaten them.

The company I work for closed its Ohio location and brought a bunch of those people to Michigan a couple years ago. All I deal with all day are MSU and OSU fans. The last 3 years have not been fun, but in 4 months Hoke has made my life better. Now they all hate to see me coming over to say hello. as compared to before when it was vice versa. 

I guess all I want to say is, the majority of people are not giving the man the respect he deserves. When he was hired all the haters told me..haha, M had to go with its 3rd choice again. Hoke the Joke..you've heard it all...but what do our enemies say now I ask? You would think we could respect the job he has done at least as much as our rivals  do.

BraveWolverine730

May 14th, 2011 at 5:48 PM ^

My point is quite simple. If you tried to say that Morgan, due to his extrodinarily high FG% was this All-American type player without looking at other factors you would be being foolish.  However he, unlike some other big men on the team(I'll use McLimans and Horford for examples this type) did an amazing job this year converting those opportunites that Morris provided for him. So saying that his FG% was at least parrtially due to Morris is no more a backhanded compliment than saying that Hoke, unlike his predecessor(see a direct comparison to RR where Hoke >>> RR) has made his layups and benefied from circumstances at OSU. 

 

And to the poster above you, I was not attempting to call you a moron and I'm sorry if that was conveyed. I did feel the point was foolish but I feel we can all acknowledge that we have made dumb pointson the intenet. 

San Diego Mick

May 14th, 2011 at 6:05 PM ^

I appreciate the apology, it's just when you say things like foolish and moronic, you are indeed saying that someone is a fool or moron. Guys like RR got paid millions, he can afford name calling, particularly considering the crappy job he did in AA, you and I should respect each other more, especially sans the millions.

And yes I have made some dumb points on the internet, dammit, why did you have to point that out? Anyway you are a Wolverine brethren, we're on the same team my man, Go Blue!!!

BigBlue02

May 15th, 2011 at 4:28 AM ^

I usually try to call every rich person I see a moron, just to keep things even. Those fuckers have it coming to them anyway. Them, with all their money. Jerks.

By the way, this might be the dumbest thing I have ever read on the internet.

San Diego Mick

May 15th, 2011 at 9:01 AM ^

Bigblue, what is your problem dude? do you always twist what people say like that? I'm not saying that about everyone with money, I do pretty well myself, I'm just saying that RR made millions in AA and he stunk up the joint, are you an RR sycophant or something? 13 million dollars and 15 victories out of 37 games, and so many people on these threads wanted to give him more time, comical!

BigBlue02

May 15th, 2011 at 1:25 PM ^

You called RichRod a moron and then justified it by saying he made a lot of money so he can take it. How did I twist what you said? Your argument was that we can call anyone we don't know who has a lot of money a moron, but we should be civilized to each other because we are all Michigan fans. I bet you won't find the irony in calling the ex-head coach a moron but saying us Michigan fans need to stick together. This is what is comical.

San Diego Mick

May 15th, 2011 at 2:32 PM ^

Let's get "my" name calling straight. I called RR a douche not a moron and I didn't state we can call all people with money names, just that douche not the moron. But let's just agree to disagree, seems you like it that way, no?

Are you a lawyer? Seems like you like to make arguing points and U-M does have a great law school. Go Blue and so on and so forth

Jensencoach

May 13th, 2011 at 2:14 PM ^

In my opinion many are being too sensitive. I do not understand why commending him for what he has done so far, and taking a wait and see approach for the future is making people so angry. Seems like good, "keep the horse in front the wagon" logic.

aaamichfan

May 13th, 2011 at 1:10 PM ^

I've never seen "Poop Art" compared to football coaching in such an eloquent fashion.

Props.

markusr2007

May 13th, 2011 at 1:16 PM ^

I'm still waiting for the scene when Trioxin gas starts raining down from the sky and Rich emerges from that mountainous crypt as a tarman zombie running down to Clemson, SC to coach the Tigers to a 14-0 record and their first national championship since Danny Ford! 

MGoShoe

May 13th, 2011 at 1:18 PM ^

...implying that if RichRod were still the HC he would be doing just as well as Hoke with in state recruiting, that's hard to square with the evidence. A hotter than hot seat would have scared off a lot of these guys and frankly, the negativity surrounding the program was seemingly so strong in Michigan that it's no surprise that the staff was having its best success elsewhere.  If you believe a HS junior's tweets, RJS certainly wouldn't have chosen Michigan with RichRod still in place.

I'm glad you're continuing to shake your funk, but why does every Hoke compliment have to be back handed (he poops art, he got lucky with the recruiting situation this year)?

Time to get on this thing.

MGoShoe

May 13th, 2011 at 1:29 PM ^

...he implied. Hoke's success is not due to the recruiting skill of his staff, it's due to  fortuitous circumstances (the mass of recruits from or with ties to Cass Tech, the departure of the MSU-friendly coaches Detroit Southeastern, lots of recruits who grew up Michigan fans). He's saying that Hoke fell into this success and if RichRod were still on board, there's no reason to think he wouldn't have been just as successful.

I beg to differ.

dnak438

May 13th, 2011 at 1:41 PM ^

I thought that Brian was saying that Hoke has been presented with some opportunities and he has made the most of them. I don't think he's saying that RR would have made as much (or more) with them. Just the opposite. Brian wrote:

"He [Hoke] hasn't blown his layups, which is more than Michigan's head coach has been able to say for a while."

Even if we agree that Brian is being stingy with his praise, the point is still that Hoke is succeeding where previous head coaches (i.e. RR) did not.

JeepinBen

May 13th, 2011 at 1:49 PM ^

It really is EASY to screw up as a head coach!

Let's list a few failures:

RR - Hired GERG

Weis - Decided schematic advantage/Throwing in 2009 to stop the clock and give us time to win

Andy Reid - any clock management situation

Tressel - bahahahaha I'll get right on that

So many coaches with discipline issues/arrests

Why do you think a HUGE majority of coaches are fired as opposed to be allowed to retire on their own schedule? They screw up, lose games, and get fired. Hoke hasn't screwed up at all yet, that's impressive!

briangoblue

May 13th, 2011 at 9:50 PM ^

Exactly. He got Mattison to leave the NFL despite not having coached with him for years while Rodriguez struck out on Casteel twice. We all saw how important the staffing portion of a head coach's job can be. I also think kicking Dantonio out of the state coming off the season they had is a little better than "not screwing up."