What did we say about scheduling a military academy?

Army, as expected, was misery. They played trench warfare, basketball before the shot clock, bash your face against the wall ass football. They ran the ball on damn near every play at a halting 3.3 yards per carry; this worked well enough because they converted all three of their fourth-down tries. There were very few scenarios in which this game wasn't at least going to be profoundly annoying.

Michigan conspired to make it a near-catastrophe. They lost three first-half fumbles, two of which led directly to Army's pair of regulation touchdowns. The other came one play after Josh Metellus was incorrectly whistled down while picking up an Army fumble en route to the end zone. Shea Patterson was scattershot as a thrower and limited as a runner, seemingly ordered not to keep on a read-option no matter how much Army overplayed the running back. The deployment of Dylan McCaffrey was again confusing and ineffective. Zach Charbonnet churned out 100 yards and all three Michigan touchdowns on 33 carries; he also had no chance on a pair of fourth-quarter fourth downs that were dead to rights.

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hnnnnnnnnnnngh [Campredon]

So there we sat, collective butts clenched, as Army's freshman kicker attempted a 50-yarder as time expired to put this game on the ultimate upset highlight reel. Cole Talley's boot slipped just wide to the right, and Michigan had new—if not wholly earned—life.

After the two teams traded touchdowns in the first overtime, it appeared the Wolverines would give that gift right back to the Black Knights. Patterson missed an open Nico Collins in the end zone before throwing two incompletions Tarik Black's way, leaving Jake Moody to salvage three points and giving Army the chance to win with a touchdown.

Then the defense, which had fought tooth and nail against the triple option all afternoon, saved the day. Aidan Hutchinson ripped through the line for a tackle for loss that set up third and long, not a specialty of Army's. As Kelvin Hopkins Jr. dropped back to pass for only the fifth time on the afternoon, Kwity Paye flew around the edge and met Hutchinson at the quarterback. Hopkins couldn't hang onto the ball and Paye eventually pounced on it, bringing a sudden end to a miserable slog.

Let's never do this again.

[Hit THE JUMP for the box score]