Win Will Cause Me To/Loss Will Cause Me To MSU Edition

Ahh yes...let's keep this going!

Again, we're now in full #believe mode...so while a loss to Wisconsin would've been "welp, I guess this is going to be the 8-4 team that I predicted, whatever" for most people...now?

Now they really hurt.

That said, this is a rivalry game and a rivalry game that we lost last year...this one mattered even if we were 0-7 coming into it.

Any win over the next 4 games is simply a sigh of relief, another shot of something, and an enjoyable Saturday.

You already know we're at the point where I don't comment on losses, just win.

I will say though, with Wisconsin, I just wanted a win. With Nebraska, I would've taken a 2-0 win, getting to the bye undefeated was the important part.

I'll obviously take a 2-0 win over MSU, but absolutely not, I want them to feel pain. I want us to hang a Joe Milton 50 on them. Fuck just winning, destroy them.

UM win: I start looking at the various ways UM can make the CFP, even if they lose to The Great Evil.

UM loss: I start researching which of the Big-6 bowl games Michigan will likely play in after finishing the regular season 10-2

#GoBlue

Win will cause me to fully board the JJ train knowing we could actually afford to drop one prior to OSU and control our destiny (in all practical likelihood). Only caveat is if Cade were to pick them apart then I'd still vote status quo.

Edit: Don't worry, you'll be on board next week.

Win:

Win will cause me to: be very happy

loss will cause me to: be very sad 

Win will cause me to:  Think maybe, just maybe, they can beat Ohio S . . . (nah!!!)

Loss will cause me to:  Remember that I didn't think this Michigan team would make a bowl game this year.

UM win:  I collect money from my former boss. 
UM loss: I do the opposite, but feel much worse. 

Double post

A win will cause me to unclinch various muscles, take a long deep sigh, and give one short fist pump before I go on with my day with a light hint of things being right. 

A loss will cause me to turn off the tv the moment the clock hits zero and go on with my day pretending I’m not bothered by anything because there is nothing my wife hates more in this world than sports putting me in a bad mood.  

UM win - continue to count the days, hours, minutes to the next game, hoping that I'm witnessing that elusive championship season

UM loss - not so much

Win will cause me to: Claim MSU is a bad team and we haven't beaten anyone and worry about OSU.

Loss will cause me to: Look for ways to soothe my soul and buy into some supernatural intervention for OSU/PSU to beat MSU and for us to beat OSU.

Win will cause me to generously tip my pizza delivery guy with three things he can truly treasure -an extra $10, a case of Natty and a photocopy of my acceptance into the University of Michigan.

Loss will cause me to throw a flaming couch cushion at him while sneering that the MSU punt rush was offsides anyways.

We are playing golf regardless of the outcome. It is going to be a lovely Fall day out out here in South Central Kansas. My wife and I will walk 18. We will tee off an hour before kickoff. We generally play the home course in just over 3 hours but it is pretty booked tomorrow...so play will likely be slow. I hope we are all very pleased by the middle of the afternoon :)

Win: convert my current DISRESPKT to just regular disrespect by laughing at all my MSU friends when I see them 

Loss: pledge allegiance to our MSU overlords by opening up a juggalo chapter in Chicago that serves Faygo red pop and talks about our favorite ICP songs. 

win will cause me to conclude our worse case is 1 loss heading into OSU 

loss would cause me conclude that we need to win out to win the BIG

in either scenario we have to beat OSU to go to Indi

Win: Say Sparty isn't that good anyway and still not 100% believe in this team until they can be competitive with OSU. 

Loss: Still say Sparty isn't that good but Michigan isn't either and we all knew this was going to happen eventually.

Win will cause me to keep treating it like it is football season 

Loss will cause me to start treating it like it is basketball season 

A win will cause me to start researching whether IU’s Penix is still limp.

A loss will cause me to turn my full attention to the hoops exhibition against Wayne State next Friday night. 

A win will cause me to check to see what time the first CFP ranking comes out and ask the wife for victory sex.

A loss will cause me to rationalize that the season isn't over and ask the wife for pity sex.

The game's in East Lansing, so I think there will be burning sofas either way.

Since I will be working at a swim meet during the game, and I'm recording it:

- A win will cause me to stay up way too late tomorrow watching the game.

-A loss will cause me to erase the recording unwatched.

Win will cause me to: Remember that the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West; the world is spinning in its axis as was meant to be, and that an ice cold crystal clear martini does not need to wait until 5 o'clock.

Loss will cause me to: Strap on the backpack blower until darkness falls, take a shower, and then down an ibuprofen or two with a Sazerac chaser.

Win: Nod my head in arrogance knowing we are still a superior program, have higher upside, national significance, historical relevance and tradition and remain a better academic university, a better college town, and a superior institution - all while enjoying that Staee just lost their annual Super Bowl and smile knowing that Mel Tucker will jump ship as soon as a real program comes calling.

Loss: Nod my head in arrogance knowing we are still a superior program, have higher upside, national significance, historical relevance and tradition and remain a better academic university, a better college town, and a superior institution - all while despite being upset that Staee just won their annual Super Bowl, still smile knowing that Mel Tucker will jump ship as soon as a real program comes calling.

Win:  Will cause me to pray for the safety of couches in East Lansing while also laughing with joy at the "lifelong" Spartan fans twisting an ankle jumping off the bandwagon.

Loss:  Will also cause me to pray for the safety of couches in East Lansing while also causing me to cry at the thought of having to deal with all the "lifelong" Spartan fans for another year.

A win will cause me to smile 

A loss will cause me to smile while I'm punching myself in the face for being a stupid believer. 

Win: Will cause me to think all of the possible scenarios, after a close OSU loss, that we can make it to the CFB playoffs. 

Loss: Will cause me to keep remembering there are only 11 days left to the beginning to what will be an epic run to the 2022 Basketball National Championship. 

Not particularly my humorous self on this one but the truth...God, I am already stressed out man. 

Win: Relief

Loss: Sorrow

It’s the same every time we play these envy-filled juveniles.

Win will cause me to: immediately check the score of the Wisconsin-Iowa game. If Iowa loses tomorrow then the Michigan-MSU game is in all likelihood a play-in for the Rose Bowl. The Rose Bowl committee would not take an at best 10-3 Iowa team over a 10-2 or possibly 11-1 Michigan or MSU team.

Loss will cause me to: depends on how they lose. If MSU wins because they are just flat out the better team, I can just shrug my shoulders and move on with my day. If they lose on some typical bullshit voodoo MSU magic, I will probably shut down for a solid 12 hours and resign myself to the belief that Michigan will end up in the Citrus Bowl against some SEC team that will probably beat them after Michigan plays like it doesn’t want to be there.

Win will cause me to:  Seek out THE_KNOWLEDGE for answers as to what's going to happen against Ohio State while carefully protecting the newly-kindled tiny flickering flame of hope as long as possible.

Loss will cause me to:  Shrug, sigh and return to my regularly scheduled drinking.

not smash shit; smash shit 

UM Win: Would give me hope we can beat OSU this year.

UM Loss: Another loss to Sparty would be a gut punch I don't think I could overcome. I would probably shut it down for the rest of the season. 

 A win:  Smile for awhile, exhale deeply, celebrate a bit, and read the blog many times Saturday night and Sunday,  Think about Holiday plans with football in mind.

A loss : Be sad for a bit, sigh a bit, tune out football the rest of the weekend, and read the blog a bit less this weekend and next week, and more slowly get ready for moar Michigan football next weekend.

Winning will cause me to write at least one post in every snowflake thread tomorrow, saying 'I told you so' to every poster who whined and complained that we can't beat Michigan State with our passing game. 

Losing will cause me to rationalize the loss and then shut down emotionally. 

Win: forget about my worries for a weekend

Lose: wonder what Matt Campbell's up to

Win will make me finally believe that this year is actually going to be different.

Loss will cause me to despair that we will ever achieve the football success I came to expect as routine in the last 3 decades of the 20th century.

I can't emotionally handle a loss to those East Lansing assholes.  So I choose not to think about that unlikely scenario.

If you can't go to college- go to State!

Fuck all of them, each and every one of their ignorant players, coaches, students and fans. Their inferiority complex makes me want to puke - must suck being little brother in perpetuity!

Let's stomp the shit out of Sparty!  Go Blue!!!

Win will cause me to: burn my BPONE pants and run ass naked into that football Lucy is holding for me while i scream “we want Bama!”

Loss will cause me to dust the top of the frame on my diploma and crack open some French literature with a glass of fine cognac, all while ruminating upon how lovely it is that I’m not a State graduate.

Win:  complain much less about Jim Harbaugh.

Lose:  stare into the middle distance and ruminate on how seven years ago I couldn’t imagine Jim Harbaugh losing more often than he won against MSU;  feel bad for complaining about Carr for not beating OSU when he was still crushing MSU’s dreams every year.

A win will cause me to have a permanent smile for the next week, especially at work around the Sparty co-workers.

A loss will cause me to shut it down for the rest of the weekend and take the kids trick or treating all the while being grumpy and pissed.

Win will cause me to get hyped and dream of 11-0. BIG win may cause me to dream of...more.

Close loss will cause me to be sad and throw my hands up or head down. And the eventually bitterly shrug about it. Blowout loss will have me very concerned and eventually pondering the future.

We are not losing to this bullshit Sparty team.