Should I hire someone to abduct my wife?
Since today is ask-the-board-absurdly-personal-questions day, I was wondering if you all could help me with a predicament. I need money, and I need it BADLY. I may or may not have committed fraud and could be in serious trouble with a major automotive manufacturer, and I desperately need about a million dollars to remedy the situation and get a do-over. I've already tried pitching a killer investment opportunity to my wealthy father in law but that fell flat on its face. Is it worth hiring some guys to kidnap my wife and demand ransom, and then we split the money? This seems to be the only option right now. Please help!
It sounds like you are better off having your father in law declared incompetent and get the power of attorney. All you need is a greedy doctor and there should be plenty of them in the darkwebz.
And hear ya are. And it’s a beautiful day.
Just remember, whether you hire a funny looking guy and his buddy, or you hire a few nihilists, either way Steve Buscemi dies..
Dude I can loan you $10.00 if that helps.
No, but you should definitely write a novel about hiring someone from a popular sports blog to carry out the job for you; I'll nominate myself. In the novel your beautiful wife falls in love with her abductor and--after an extraordinary amount of bodice-ripping Victorian-style love-making and farcical bedroom comedy, you cut a deal with your wife and her new abductor-lover to halve the spoils and head off into the sunset with your own new partner (NTTAWWT) into the Sitges, Spain sunset.
After the novel becomes a roaring success I sue you for stealing an idea whose online 8/3/19 online publication is readily attested and, in fact, take most of your earnings.
You're on your own with the next book.
Well not now, obviously.
I know a guy
You should get a stiff front erected against that type of situation
This is exactly why Craigslist was founded.
I’ll give you the principle, with interest!
Just DON'T BURN DOWN HER SHE SHED!
I would never post something like this even as a joke, bc what happens IF your wife goes missing tonight? You’d be a suspect anyway but this would make it hard for you to argue your case.
I'll give similar advice to the home buying thread:
1. Pay off the loan on your first wife
2. Aggressively save the money you would be spending on next wife for a future downpayment
3. Buy new wife with said savings and keep old wife as rental property
4. Use rent money from old wife to pay off mortgage on new wife.
5. When both wives are paid off, keep collecting rent money
6. When it's time to downsize, sell the lower rent collecting wife to buy new wife with cash
7. Keep collecting rent on other wife.
Depends...is there a wood chipper involved in any way ? And if not, can there be ?
Sure! Go for it. There will be little to no evidence that you premeditated the offense.
Rob a string of banks across 10 states like every other hard-working criminal that desperately needs a ton of money!!
Had a friend from right after college who owed a lot of money to bookies who were going to break his legs. He robbed three banks. He got caught on the third one and went to jail.
Then what happened?
I'll do it. 70/30 split or no deal
What could go wrong?
Why do you need to pay someone to kidnap her? If she really loved you, she'd hide somewhere while you send her father ransom notes and, if he resists, call him begging him to pay the money.
I mean, you didn't commit fraud against a car company without her knowing about it, did you?
In Soviet Russia, wife abducts you.
wood chipper.
I'll do it for free. I do this all the time.
Forget the middle man.... call J G Wentworth 877 cash now
I don't know, maybe you should tap the brakes on your positivity. It might not end well.
came to this thread to see if OP was asking about an erotic game, hiring people to kidnap his wife as part of a role play fantasy. Too bad that isn’t your need as I have a few friends (depending on the city you live in or how much you are willing to pay) who have all kinds of experience making that happen for you.
Fargo away buddy!??
August 3rd, 2019 at 10:00 PM ^
I would just do it yourself--the fewer people who know, the better. Either that, or get on the dark web.
August 3rd, 2019 at 10:03 PM ^
I would reach out to a Nigeria Prince that needs to offload some cash.
August 3rd, 2019 at 10:31 PM ^
This is very Fargo
August 3rd, 2019 at 10:53 PM ^
Every now and then all of us passers-by get to witness the sheer genius of MGoBlog.
August 3rd, 2019 at 11:32 PM ^
Et tu brute?
August 3rd, 2019 at 11:32 PM ^
Et tu brute?
August 3rd, 2019 at 11:50 PM ^
Are you sure your father-in-law would pay it?
August 3rd, 2019 at 11:51 PM ^
I know a guy...
August 4th, 2019 at 12:22 AM ^
Fargo is cool
This is probably a recruiting violation...
I have some ideas. Please send me your football season tickets first, and I’ll help.
You betcha don't you know
August 4th, 2019 at 10:45 AM ^
Thread is worthless without pics of the wife.
August 4th, 2019 at 12:34 PM ^
What's my cut?
Couple ideas (in no particular order):
1. Abduct someone else, perhaps a pizza delivery guy, and have him a rob a bank for you.
2. Find an armored truck driver to hide out and steal the money from a truck (Masterminds details the plan pretty well, it's basically fail-proof).
3. Instead of going against your wife, see if she'll team up with you to hold hostages at Nakatomi Plaza.
In my opinion, this is a bad idea. I would advise you to forget about this situation and leave. Moreover, you can visit the following link and find a new companion for your life or for several hours. This is up to you but I am sure that this step is necessary.