Help with Talking Trash to 'Bama Fans

Submitted by Caesar on January 1st, 2024 at 1:56 AM

Ahoy!

I'm here. I'm in a Pasadena hotel, and I can't sleep.

I saw a 'Bama fan today, and I gave this incredibly attractive woman a thumbs down from across the street. These ended up being separate events, as the 'Bama fan was standing next to an incredibly attractive woman. The 'Bama fan didn't see me. She did. 

So I'm off to a bad start, and to be honest, I'm generally bad at trash talk. Beggars can't be choosers, but let me make some requests:
 

  • No foul language. I can appreciate well-executed foul language, but I try not to use it, myself. 
  • No references to cosanguineous relationships. I think we can do better, and this type of insult feels too lowbrow to be Michigan-caliber. 

Predicted insults I would ask to have some comebacks for: 

  • Signgate. I really feel good about having a longer conversation about this stuff, but a retaliatory zinger is out of my wheelhouse. 
  • Michigan's Bowl Record. I feel like this would come up. 
  • Michigan's Two Best 2023 Wins Getting Beaten by SEC Teams. This is bound to be a talking point. 

Some issues I'd like to bring up:

  • 'Bama shouldn't be here. We are all Seminoles. 
  • Saban has a history of cheating, and the margin of his dominance has demonstrably shrunk in light of field-leveling changes in NIL. Some good way to frame 'Bama as a serial cheater who can't cheat as well.

Thanks a bunch and Go Blue!

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Girlbleedsblue

January 1st, 2024 at 9:05 AM ^

I love trash talk, but only with my friends or other “known to be safe” people. Trash talking  strangers is too weird for me.  If I had to respond to some Bama weirdo I would probably just say something lame. “You must be the token sec team?” “Congrats on that CFB lottery ticket.” “That Bama education is really working out for you.” “Who are you guys again?”  Or  something equally dumb. Wish I was willing to go all in but I’m afraid of sports fans who have a pathological sense of entitlement at a time when they must know they might not win.
 


 

 

Joined: 10/25/2014

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wildbackdunesman

January 1st, 2024 at 12:23 PM ^

I hate to hijack this thread, but I have a similar concern. What is the best way to trashtalk cops?

I saw this cop across the street and so I said "F### you pig" and flipped him off. He didn't hear me, but a really attractive woman did and thought I was talking to her.

Turns out, she knew my wife and boy did I get an ear full.

So what are some good insults? Donuts? Flat foot? Pig? I've already tried "I'm a sovereign citizen and police are unconstitutional," but the cop just laughed in my face and asked where the prank camera was.

Joined: 07/16/2008

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