Change is Death
Change is Death
Note to reader: While this is related to the UM Football sign stealing story, it is (in addition to being long) mostly about my emotional reaction as a fan that is informed by my experience as a researcher and clinician. For those who might think of such topics as "psychobabble" or have little interest in reading about my own introspection on this stuff, consider yourself warned :)
“"I want to thank the Lord, I want to thank Coach Harbaugh. I f--king love you, man. I love the sh-t out of you man. We did this for you, for the university, the president, our AD. We got the best players, best university, best alumni in the country. Love you guys. These f--king guys, right. These guys right here, man. These guys did it."
As Coach Moore was tearfully giving the interview after the game, I couldn’t help but feel that he was speaking to me, even though I had zero to do with the outcome of that game on the field. In the following 24 hours, he was mocked by many in the media who I had been mostly avoiding the past few weeks. The majority of sentiment thought that Coach Moore was acting like someone had died, while point in fact Coach Harbaugh was nearby in a hotel, serving the first of a “deserved” (in the words of many of these commentators) punishment for cheating
It was then that I began to realize what had been bothering me about this whole fiasco, why I was so upset about the messaging I was getting about the team from many corners of my own social network, from “just kidding” (eyeroll) mockery to flat out statements about UM being a fraudulent program and even university.
It wasn’t about the particulars of the case, which looks like something that deserves a penalty but not a major one given precedent.
It wasn’t about the actions of other programs. College football is crazy, and people will do anything to win including hiring PI/PR firms to try and harm the reputation of other programs.
It wasn’t even about the B1G response which, between the way they handled this case in terms of content and process was unprecedented (frankly the only thing about the case that I think in fact has earned that moniker so far).
It was about something else, something that I often time tell my patients and friends in the context of life transitions that produce sadness (even when these transitions are good, like graduating, getting married, etc).
Change is death.
That statement, in the most literal interpretation of the word "death" is false, perhaps even ridiculous.
However, life changes do mean that something is ending, and that the recognition of something ending is a small, minor death, that elicits a micro-dose of the same emotions we feel when we face the real thing in ourselves and our loved ones. "You can never go home again" is one of a number of adages that refer to this idea.
I personally this very human trait is adaptive and helps us prepare to cope for the darkest of deaths that we all eventually face.
So what does this have to do with Coach Moore’s interview or my overall response to this ongoing story (a response that I suspect some of you might be having as well)?
I think that I am feeling a loss, a death, of the reputation of the school and team(s) that I have spent most of my adult life supporting and rooting for, respectively.
The fact that I genuinely believe this reputation loss is unearned doesn’t matter. In fact, if there were indeed egregious actions that were at the heart of this story it would be easier to accept because, from shame that I would feel, I could argue for internal accountability for the program and university. I certainly felt that was about the Robert Anderson scandal and let my alma mater know about it.
What compounds this sense of loss is that it includes the loss of connection I felt as a reader and listener to journalists and commentators who have chosen to pursue arousal and clicks at the expense of circumspection and other, less financially rewarding (but more in line with actual journalistic ethics) approaches to this story.
Finally, there is a loss of connection to many of the other B1G programs and fans who have welcomed, if not celebrated, the entirety of this controversy. One shouldn’t expect opposing fans or others to be as versed in the particulars of a story like this, which naturally would be more closely followed by UM fans (perhaps excepting some MSU/OSU folks).
The only consistency I’ve seen in their missives, commentary that at once seeks to mock UM for the ridiculousness of the Connor Stallions story writ large* while also lambasting it for the seriousness of the cheating it’s accused of for “destroying the integrity of the game”, is that both seek to diminish the reputation of the program and school and morale of the fanbase.
This is why, unless new information comes out that clearly implicates the football program of a conspiracy and/or cover-up worthy of the level of negative coverage that has come so far, I truly believe that UM will leave the B1G.
My rationale is that should there actually be a major scandal, the fanbase and university community would broadly accept the criticism and take the steps it (imo) did with the Robert Anderson case to atone for the wrongs the institution is responsible for.
But should there be no clear smoking evidentiary (ie Harbaugh et al knew about this) or empirical (analyses showing a clear advantage UM had not explained by other factors) findings that are damning, the way other fanbases, coaches, and administrators, have acted will be shown to be wildly inappropriate if not shameful.
In the latter scenario, how could UM go back to being a member of a club that treats them like that? It’s not about the money, UM will always be able to find schools and even conferences that would welcome the ratings and money (the figurative and literal currency of the realm of college athletics) UM would bring them.
This is what I think is at the root of my sadness and maybe even some of the emotion some of the team has expressed themselves; an acknowledgement that not only will many of the accomplishments that they have achieved will be proclaimed to be tainted by others, but that their colleagues in competition from other schools and even their conference chose this unprecedented path (bypassing due process, etc) even when no clear evidence to support such drastic reaction(s) appears to have surfaced. In such a situation, how can it not be thought of as a betrayal?
I know that the world has far bigger problems than UM and their fans are facing in this “sign-gate” mess. In fact, one thing that my emotional reaction to it has reminded me of is the importance of not doing to others what I feel is being done to the program, broadly speaking. Specifically, how important it is to guard myself against the lure of sensationalism in media coverage of controversial subjects, to not rush to judgement against “out-groups” not in our tribes, and to remind myself that the delayed gratification of waiting (until details become clearer) may be less potent, but more gratifying.
It's not easy to do in our current media environment (I wrote another post about the value of unplugging last week on this topic), but I think it is worth it.
So while I might feel the loss/death of what I thought I knew about many in the media, other fanbases, and how they will refer to this era of UM football going forward, I remind myself that it has provided me with yet another reward from tribal fandom that I can arbitrage to other parts of my life that relate to more serious consequences for myself and the world.***
And to that end, even death can lead to me having a new appreciation for life.
Thanks for reading.
Go Blue.
*which, to be fair, is a pretty wild and ridiculous tale if reporting is to be believed
**others, like the majority of the Penn State community with the Sandusky scandal, have also shown the willingness to do this as well in my opinion.
*** In the meantime, I really hope UM kicks the **** out of their remaining opponents this season.
November 13th, 2023 at 9:39 AM ^
I feel it too.
November 13th, 2023 at 9:47 AM ^
Thanks! Oddly enough, your vocabulary hits home.
I have emotional connections to UM sports, especially, football, based on relationships with players as a student to date, my gratitude that they were great while I was in school, enabling me to finance larges parts of paying my way by hustling tickets, et cetera.
I do not need conference expansion, playoffs, late announced kickoff times, the list goes on.
I tried to just enjoy this season and not think about the ridiculous West Coast additions next year.
Signgate is the flashpoint for the death of my, admittedly, irrational love for UM as part of the Big Ten.
WE draw the audience which is the reason for the $. WE do not need any particular network, or to share with 13 !@#$%^& other universities, or overpaid conference and NCAA idiocrats.
We should go independent, stream all our stuff how we want, when we want. WE set game and kickoff/tipoff times. (Thanks Harry Chiti for those last 2 points)
Content providers are currently overpaying for live sports because people watch it live and that is what advertisers want. Cash in now before there is a consolidation of providers with some dropping out altogether.
I retain my irrational love for UM. We all need to escape from reality on occasion.
Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins and successful entities always become the target.
I learned, not early in life, I admit, that what other people are thinking about me
is none of my business.
It is now, always has been, and always will be, Great, to be, a Michigan Wolverine!
P.S. Talking to a person who was a coach, and multiple players, during Anderson's time, witness testimony was coached and UM paid way more than the actual damages.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:50 AM ^
"We should go independent, stream all our stuff how we want, when we want."
That's an interesting thought I hadn't considered. Amazon just spent like a billion dollars on a shitty Lord of the Rings spinoff that nobody watched. Surely that money would have been better spent on exclusive rights to broadcast Michigan football games for the next decade.
November 13th, 2023 at 11:48 AM ^
They shouldn’t have hired the worst director in the world to run the show, I guess.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:08 AM ^
A very thoughtful take. Something major has shifted. We challenged the machine and you just don't do that if you want to remain a member of the group in good standing. This is why I never join groups. You're expected to go along with whatever the powers that be decide and most members are fine with that. If you dare to challenge it, watch out.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:10 AM ^
Conferences no longer matter anyway.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:26 AM ^
The sense of loss, for me at any rate, extends beyond just Michigan football (which I've been following since 1973), but to the whole of college football. We are on the cusp of a major realignment in the game, brought about by many factors: the playoff structure, NIL, and buckets of money sloshing around. The pageantry and traditions are being torn down and thrown out, and we're racing headlong towards a super-conference of the elite programs.
That's why Petetti's actions are so mystifying: at this point in time, on the cusp of such a major realignment, with the Big Ten locking horns with the SEC for the driver's seat in this change, Petetti chooses to burn capital on this petty side vendetta. It's a classic executive blunder: taking your eye off the long game and pursuing a tactical side-road.
I don't know what the next few weeks will hold. What I do know is that after all this, we can't return to any kind of normal. As I mentioned in another post, we've crossed the Rubicon.
November 13th, 2023 at 5:38 PM ^
It's a classic executive blunder
IMHO, it's a classic executive-with-a-fragile-ego-in-a-new-job blunder: piss in all the corners and randomly fire people just to show who's the big dog in charge now. It's the idiot "move fast and break things" nonsense that Fast Company spouted 20 years ago.
November 14th, 2023 at 8:42 AM ^
100%. This has resurfaced suppressed memories of my early forays into managing large teams in high-stakes settings, where people saw me as a young naive doof (they weren't wrong) and ceaselessly needled me to bend to their will in all manner of ways. But by Jove, as foolish as I was, I at least was not one to make brash decisions based on emotionally manipulative claims and at no point did I ever do something as monumentally aloof and preposterous--even in my halcyon days of being a pathologically underpaid recent grad--as this ostensibly experienced television "executive" hath wrought. Let this and other observations put to rest the notion that climbing the corporate ladder is an example of meritocracy or that high-profile experience is indicative of quality. As often as not, these are closer to inverse relationships, you can bet on that.
November 13th, 2023 at 7:22 PM ^
Agree with your pov. Petition has cemented the BIG's path to obscurity. Michigan will lead the formation of a Super Conference by 2030. Most BIG teams will not be invited, and will be relegated to the ash heap of history. Petitti will be the captain of a sinking ship.
November 13th, 2023 at 7:22 PM ^
Agree with your pov. Petitti has cemented the BIG's path to obscurity. Michigan will lead the formation of a Super Conference by 2030. Most BIG teams will not be invited, and will be relegated to the ash heap of history. Petitti will be the captain of a sinking ship.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:45 AM ^
Thank you for sharing. It's good to have a vocabulary for these things. I think of this process--realizing that nothing is fixed or permanent--as the falling-apartness of life. You can think of it as the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics (i.e., entropy) or, if you go for such things, anicca--the Buddhist concept that change is the basic nature of reality.
The Buddhists also outline three types of what "dukkha" or what can be called unsatisfactoriness, pain, stress or suffering, and one of the three is specifically the pain that arises because everything changes. We navigate the world based on knowing that my house is where it was when I left this morning, that my friends are still my friends, and life has a certain consistency. Then our house burns down, our friends get old, sick and die, and we realize what we rely on for happiness outside of ourselves is unreliable. Pain. In short, it sucks.
Through all of this Signgate drama, I'm trying to keep some balance. To find interest in it, without getting caught up in constant thoughts about what's fair or holding onto an image of UM that is inaccurate and out-of-date before it even arises. In short, I'm trying to increase my sensitivity to the happiness and peace that is already within me, without looking to an outside source for it or becoming a prisoner to the latest article on ESPN.
It's a learning curve, and a damn long and difficult one. But I'm here for it and for our shared experience of it.
BET
November 13th, 2023 at 11:01 AM ^
Yes Doc, thank you for putting my feelings into words. Betrayal is a lot different feeling than anger. Anger can be overcome. Betrayal is not so simple.
I have never felt so let down by an organization as I have been by the Big Ten and the way the *new* Commissioner has handled this situation, demonstrating a complete lack of leadership ability or any semblance of rational thought process. It is an astonishing abdication of his responsibilities in that he did not put the brakes on this mob of coaches and AD's screaming for vigilante justice. That would have been leadership. This is betrayal.
In the opening video narrated by James Earl Jones, there is a line where he says "WE ARE PROUD MEMBERS OF THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE".
I want that line removed and edited out, I implore Michigan to get rid of that line. I am NOT a proud member of the Big Ten conference. I HATE them. They betrayed ME as an alumni, I do not forgive them at this time. When I needed them most to have my back, they instead shot me in the back.
Done with them. Get the fuck out.
Ahhh, I feel better already.
November 13th, 2023 at 11:12 AM ^
This is something I've been thinking about before the beginning of the season. The entry of the West Coast teams will transform the conference utterly. The knowledge that Team 144 would have an excellent chance of taking a third title and competing in the CFP convinced me that this would be a season to remember and treasure.
And so it has been, with the fortitude and performance of the team and coaches personifying the defiant spirit of Michigan's mascot. A wolverine will fight a grizzly bear for the marrow in a frozen caribou bone.
And now Michigan's conference partners and their cat's paw conference commissioner have circumvented established disciplinary procedures on the flimsiest of excuses. I'm convinced that it if hadn't been Jim Harbaugh in their sights it could easily be Juwan Howard at some point in the future. As Santa Ono and Warde Manuel warned in writing (and in person, I'm sure) they don't grasp the implications of their actions.
I have to laugh at Michigan State, Rutgers, et. al. placing their trust in TOSU. <Insert here: guy labeled "Ohio State" walking with girlfriend labeled "Little 12" as he looks back at girl labeled "SEC" meme >
When I was listening to the Michigan-Nebraska game on the radio Jason Avant was asked about being in Lincoln for a B1G game. "This is just a place where we play," was his response. That's the way I will feel about every away game for Michigan football from now on.
A college football Superleague is inevitable and Michigan will be in it. So will the Buckeyes and Trojans, and probably the Ducks and Huskies. Who will stand up for the remaining B1G schools?
November 13th, 2023 at 11:39 AM ^
I lost the sense of connection you are talking about with journalists, commentators, and pundits in 2020 with regard to pretty much everything. Thus, what is happening now is much easier to accept for me because it feels like home. I no longer share much in common with how a good majority of the people see things or their perspectives. So it has been much easier in this entire Michigan thing for me to just look at them and say "you're wrong, and I don't care what you think." Because they can see and hear that I truly mean it, they don't really see the point in continuing to say much after that.
November 13th, 2023 at 11:47 AM ^
Thoughtful and compelling post. Honestly I felt this impending “death” even before the season started. I declared that this the last college football season. At least the last I would care very much about.
And it was chugging along so well.
I am furious at Connor Stalions. I fully believe he acted alone as a rogue imbecile. Even still, look at the damage he has caused.
There is really no going back from this. Even if Michigan wins the whole damn thing, we’ll have to endure the slings and arrows forever, no matter how ridiculous they are. And that our “conference” has now proven what we’ve long suspected they thought of us, that’s done, too.
November 14th, 2023 at 4:19 AM ^
I feel bad for Connor. I think he lacked the foresight to consider the wisdom of his actions. Now he's grievously injured something he loves, and everybody rightly blames him for it. Hopefully he is surrounded by people who care more about him than a game to get him through it.
November 14th, 2023 at 7:04 AM ^
I also feel bad for him. At the same time as being furious. His actions were foolish, not malicious.
November 13th, 2023 at 1:40 PM ^
So eloquently and perfectly said - thank you.
I've been disappointed for a long time in how the rivalries have changed, and this is another example of it. We can't just joke around with our friends that went to MSU or Wisconsin; we can't just dislike OSU. It has to be nasty and mean now, and it greatly disappoints me. I try to stay removed from it, but people also like to poke. We all need to learn to stop and think again, instead of just reacting.
November 13th, 2023 at 2:24 PM ^
Wonderfully well put. Appreciate you writing this OP.
November 13th, 2023 at 2:46 PM ^
Well put. Much of my angst around this stems from the dynamics of experiencing mob rule and subsequent arbitrary rule to appease the irrational/bad faith acting mob.
The media can gin up a shit storm. Inattentive fools will buy it up. That happens, but for such circular, self-serving and intransigent medieval logic to directly inform an organization’s governance is a profound betrayal. As you say, one from which we can’t go home.
Carl Sagan wrote The Demon Haunted World as a love letter to scientific epistemology and also a warning about the return to darkness that we’ve been trending toward. Sports is something nice and artificial and neat, a contained microverse where we could enjoy a taste of real meritocracy absent many of the corrupting influences that seek to undermine truth in the “real world” where the stakes are higher. As we saw on Saturday, the efforts against Michigan weren’t enough to thwart their success, but the subjective and unaccountable notion of “taint” which may yet be formalized through draconian NCAA punishments persists. In short, this phenomenon reflects current trends in how humans collectively understand the world, and as my grandmother always said, “garbage in, garbage out.” This is our concern, Dude.
I suppose it is an artifact of the ever-escalating influx of cash into NCAA football that we see this kind of petty sabotage on such a grand scale. These influences are a major threat. However, the shoddy and seemingly-corrupt governance structure in place is the vulnerability being exploited. To enshrine mob rule and arbitrary rule as law is an output of the combination of these things that is not only betraying Michigan, but the true integrity of the sport. The malfeasance is directed at Michigan now, but like Sulla marching on Rome only creates an expectation for more which will inevitably be seized.
As we see it is now a game where you can profoundly hamstring your rivals through a contrived PR campaign. If there is no accountability for the bad faith actors in the media, conference, and potentially NCAA (pending investigation), then every fan will be betrayed, including the braying masses who don’t yet see where the corral is taking them. And I think the sense of dread may be exacerbated by our eyes being directed toward the gaping maw of nihil as we collectively descend into it. Unless…
...we go ahead and win the whole damn thing.
November 13th, 2023 at 4:03 PM ^
Well put.
Michigan football, and to a lesser extent other Michigan sports, are a welcome escape for me from a world of war, political dysfunction, the loss of facts as relevant (the so-called "post-factual" world), climate change, and the dramatic erosion of societal norms.
The polarized, cynical, and, yes, post-factual discussion of the accusations against Stalions for advanced in-person scouting brings all of that cycle of breathless and thoughtless rage into my escape from, well, breathless and thoughtless rage.
Most of us knew at some level that college football never had an age of innocence. If it wasn't semi-professional players--Notre Dame's team had an average age of 26 in the early 1900's--or unlimited scholarships that allowed teams (including Michigan) to stockpile talent--or bag-men, non-existent academic standards, no-show classes, callous bowl profiteers, or the increasingly cynical cycle of TV sports entertainers ginning up excitement for a TV product they themselves profited from--then it should have been the ruthless exploitation of players who were paid nothing while knowingly subjected to chronic concussions, life-limiting injuries, and abusive environments for the entertainment of wealthy alumni donors.
At best, we all should have felt at least a little uneasy regarding our own contributions to, or tacit acquiescence regarding, this mess.
But like the OP and others, my pride in rooting for Michigan athletics came from a (seldom closely examined) belief that Michigan did things the right way. And, frankly, I still believe that; it's not the alleged crime that demonstrates integrity, but rather how one responds to the allegation.
This latest fiasco with a crass and cynical Big Ten administration, responding to pressure from crass and cynical Big Ten opponents, shatters the last of that illusion that Michigan's place in college sports--at least, in the Big Ten conference--is anything other than transactional.
And if it's just transactional, then the Big Ten offers Michigan little. The future of college football--a super-conference or super-league--transcends conferences. Who cares about the Little 12; all that matters is what the programs that put eyes on the screens--the Michigans, Alabamas, Ohio States, Notre Dames, and Georgias of the world--decide to do.
Change may be "death," of innocence--but it opens to a world of experience.
November 13th, 2023 at 4:32 PM ^
Tom Brady says...BET!
November 13th, 2023 at 4:51 PM ^
Regarding UM football my attitude since 1969 is "you give me something to believe in" and the rest of the conference knows that's the secret sauce they can't match and has contributed to the teams "culture". The panty waste Columbus crime family that began this shares no moral compass and led some others in the conference where they may already have wanted to go.
That's the sad statement about current events and the voluntary members forgot about the reason for a conference and descended to a mob. Context is a casualty.
Character shows itself still through Sherone's beautiful and heartfelt shoutout. Character also shows through the red ass actions of the naysayers.
November 13th, 2023 at 5:04 PM ^
ESPN calling out Michigan Nation as bad actors. Just cancelled ESPN+.
November 13th, 2023 at 5:46 PM ^
We had a Jamaican friend take a tenure-track position at PSU; she left after a year. Nowadays, people don't walk away from tenure-track offerings on a lark. She just had people be straight up ugly to her.
I know that this doesn't follow directly, but once I adopted a brown kid, the rural midwest no longer looked so benign to me.
November 13th, 2023 at 10:51 PM ^
This is not a loss. This is not the death of the reputation of the University and our teams, in that respect, we will look back at this as mere speed bumps.
On the other hand, the B13 - that is Death. You can't un-ring that bell. Time to move on from that abusive relationship. It may be immediate, or it may take time. Best to do it at the time of our choosing but the relationship is done.
I accept the death of the B1G. The sports world is changing in ways we may have never imagined. I'm past the mourning and ready for the rebirth.
Go Blue!
Bet!
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