A letter to Brian
Dear Brian,
I once had a girlfriend from New Zealand whom I dated while traveling in Denmark. These were my post Michigan days and my post paratrooper days in my crazy youth prime. We had a common love of music, poetry and we may have done some Shrooms from Christiania in Kopenhagen while both searching for truth. We were quite close in our brief relationship to the extent that I could have easily picked her as my life companion instead of the German girl I've been married to for over 20 years. She showed me this quote that I felt helped to partially explain my own personal journey from the time of my earliest memories.
The first line of this was the part that really stuck with me:
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
K. Gibran
I've been in some dark places. I have no advice for how to get out. All I know is that there was always a time later when I was beyond happy that I didn't go into the void. I've been on the top of many literal and figurative mountains as well. Time is the blessing and God damn is it worth it to stick around. I feel this quote explains how some of us are cursed and yet blessed in life.
Others may not be crazy enough to start a blog that is enjoyed by thousands of people for decades and may live a routine life. They may be blessed and cursed in a different way. I'm not judging anyone.
Michigan football is really trivial to what you are going through, but the funny thing is that this quote also explains my relationship with Michigan football.... I am going to enjoy that next big ten title when it comes....and that next victory over OSU.....much more than the many other's I've watched. I am going to enjoy that moment in this blog more than ever too. Those are going to be some freaking great muppets!
I know I am selfish for making this a diary instead of just responding on the main page. Nobody reads these anyway, but hopefully you will. I was moved and concerned with what you wrote and also moved by the response by the old timers in here. I feel like that response was one of the best moments I've seen in MGO blog in a long time. It shows what an impact the blog has made. We have really been a toxic fanbase and it was nice to see that thread.
Thanks for creating this place Brian!
Sincerely,
Some random IP address who graduated in 1996
PS to all else, I am almost always embarrassed after my diaries the next day. So I forgive me if I don't respond to comments.
August 31st, 2021 at 6:32 AM ^
No need to feel embarrassed by expressing your personal history. It is a part of who you are.
Thanks for sharing.
August 31st, 2021 at 6:39 AM ^
Well said. It was nice to see compassion and empathy on the page. Everybody has something they are going through. I am recently divorced from a 21 year marriage. Being kind is easier when I remind myself everyone has something going on. No doubt bad days help you appreciate good days more.
The board can get a little chippy sometimes but I truly believe there are more good souls than bad on here.
August 31st, 2021 at 8:52 AM ^
I read the diaries!
And this one was well worth reading.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:04 AM ^
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
This is very true, however the danger comes from when you can't feel sorrow any longer.
There's very little cure for that.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:57 AM ^
Numbness of emotion can lead to the depths of depression. If you get there, get some psychiatric help.
August 31st, 2021 at 11:04 AM ^
Been there...totally detatached from the self - depression, anxiety and the worst of all...long bouts of depersonalization.
You can find yourself again, and on the journey reshape or even lose your ego while gaining a deeper understanding of how our earthly and cosmic journeys are intertwined with one another and all that exists around us.
TLDR...We are all in this together. None get a pass on suffering, so we should do our best to connect and empathize with those around us.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:23 AM ^
double post error...sorry
August 31st, 2021 at 9:24 AM ^
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
thank you for sharing these words that express so much about the joys and sorrows that fill our lives.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:26 AM ^
Good on you for writing this.
Divorce was devastating for me personally, and it happened abruptly without warning. 17 years flushed away in a few weeks. I felt like life had basically ended and that happiness was never to come my way again.
I clung to my kids, while being careful not to burden them with my emotional vulnerability. I worked very hard to overcome my bitter feelings towards their mother so that we could forge a co-parenting lifestyle that the kids could thrive in. I went through a lot of counseling - my kids did too.
I learned to find and love myself as an individual. It took years and alienated many friends in the process. After knowing nothing else than my relationship with my ex since college, I became my own person.
Then something magical happened. Years later, when I'd stopped looking for someone to fill that void in my life, the perfect someone came along and filled it proper. No coincidence that she was divorced as well. Growing our relationship was incredible and so rewarding, and now I'm married again to the person that my more mature self can appreciate on a level that became impossible with my first wife. That first wife is still a large part of my life though, and we have a new found respect for each other as well, and a solid platform of co-parenting that continues to see our kids thrive.
I hope that Brian's recent experiences can lead him on a righteous journey of self discovery, and that he can also emerge better for it in the end. It's certainly difficult to see the possibilities when it all comes down around you.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:30 AM ^
Great post
August 31st, 2021 at 9:56 AM ^
Great post, very well said. No need to feel embarrassed about it at all. I always appreciate it when people can truly share their human side.
August 31st, 2021 at 10:07 AM ^
Thanks. I'm pretty partial to that last line, myself. My wife and I lay in bed and had a good cry the other night over the prospect of our daughter leaving for college. She's adopted, so in some interesting way we always knew that she wasn't 'ours.' not ours for the keeping. Still, it's killing us.
And happily, that just puts us in the same boat as billions of other people forced to let go of things and people that they love.
August 31st, 2021 at 1:55 PM ^
I feel for 'ya man. I still remember when our two daughters left for college years ago. What a bittersweet event it is. You have great hopes for them and share their happiness on the biggest day of their young lives. On the other hand, a deep sadness sets in that such a fulfilling part of your life is seemingly walking out the door and things will never be the same again. Fortunately, you adjust to the new reality and you become a part of your daughter's life in a different way than before. You'll do fine. Good luck.
August 31st, 2021 at 6:16 PM ^
As an adopted person I want to assure MGlobules and spouse that your daughter is "yours" in all the ways that matter. Of course, all parents let go of something when their kids go away to college. Now you have the opportunity to widen and transform your relationship with each other.
August 31st, 2021 at 7:48 PM ^
Thanks to both you and True Grit for the encouragement!
August 31st, 2021 at 11:10 AM ^
Quote is perfect. You can’t feel happiness without sorrow. Your mind and body need the comparable states.
I missed Brian’s post this is responding to. When was it ?
August 31st, 2021 at 11:24 AM ^
Thanks for sharing this WW96.
Perspective is always a good thing - and we lose it all to often.
August 31st, 2021 at 11:36 AM ^
Thanks so much for sharing this. The quote really spoke to me on a deep level. As many of you are no doubt, I’m dealing with some long-term challenges in my life currently, and it often feels as though my propensity for joy is being constructed. Meaning that due to the effort to smooth out the lows, the highs can’t be as high. This is a really powerful message and gives me a reason to smile. Thank you so very much.
August 31st, 2021 at 11:38 AM ^
This is very sweet. It also could have been emailed to Brian directly. I'm sure he appreciates the support though he may never respond.
August 31st, 2021 at 11:40 AM ^
Perfectly put. I keep going back to re-read the comments/replies to Brian's post yesterday. I don't mean to be hyperbolic but the amount of replies, and the genuine sincerity behind them, truly blew me away. Everything in the world feels off kilter. Sports, politics, normal human interactions...etc. To read these comments really gave me an extra spring that I didn't realize I needed.
Great diary post. The past 24 hours have been maybe the most inspired this site has ever been. Aside from when Brian and co. were able to basically get Dave Brandon fired.
Well done.
August 31st, 2021 at 2:01 PM ^
How does a guy go from doing shrooms on Mt Everest with a girl from Ipanema after single handedly winning WW2--The Big One--to reading Kalil Gibran
To posting on a college football message board?
August 31st, 2021 at 3:19 PM ^
Don't be embarrased. I appreciate the thoughts you shared.
Let's remember that the entire fanbase isn't toxic. I think it's a very small percentage of fans...very engaged and vocal and passionate fans...but a small percentage nonetheless.
August 31st, 2021 at 3:30 PM ^
Nicely done WW96.
It kinda reminds me of this video posted on MGO during the Rich Rod era.
Song is "A Better Son/Daughter" by Rilo Kiley
August 31st, 2021 at 3:58 PM ^
OMG -- I watched this video at least 10 times back then.
Completely forgot about it until just now. Thanks for re-sharing
August 31st, 2021 at 4:09 PM ^
So I forgive me if I don't respond to comments.
I was going to make a joke about how at least you could forgive yourself for not responding to comments, but I think there is unintentional wisdom here. It's hard to look upon your life while in the pits of despair and think of what you might have done, could have done differently, or should not have done. And then beat yourself over it, over and over again.
One of the keys to healing is to learn to forgive yourself. None of us is perfect so we make mistakes. Hopefully, Brian (and whomever else on this blog is going through a difficult time) gets the time, space, and support in whatever form it takes to move forward and find forgiveness - for yourself and for the other(s) in your lives.
August 31st, 2021 at 4:41 PM ^
It was difficult to read Brian's message yesterday. This is someone who built a blog that I've spent way more time than I'd like to admit over 15 years, opening his hurt to the world.
I've changed a lot over this time period. When we lost to App State, I didn't leave my Michigan dorm room bed until Monday morning class. Now, I'm numb. Last year I learned that if I don't watch the games, they don't sting as much. It's the anthesis of who I was 15 years ago. It is unfortunate that Brian can't disconnect in the same way, given his roles and responsibilities over this blog.
But, I've realized that:
- You can't let 18 - 22 year old kids impact your well being. Having my son made me realize how much my mood swings during games.
- There are over 100 teams trying to be the best at the sport. It's okay if Michigan isn't the best.
- Many of those teams are great at the sport but suck at, you know, being a public university. For example, compare this list to this one.
- As Brady Hoke once said, This is Michigan, fergodsakes! The place where many of us grew from child to man/woman. The place that gave many of us such a significant footing to launch our careers. The place that many of us met our spouse.
The morning of my first classes at Michigan, as I walked out of West Quad towards state street, will be etched into my memory forever. And it is way more powerful than any dumb fumble, ill-advised throw, or porous line will ever be.
Get up, Brian. We are all rooting for you.
August 31st, 2021 at 5:13 PM ^
"Without a hurt, the heart is hollow."
C. S. Lewis "Constantly looking at reality is unbearable."
I first heard Brian on WTKA breaking plays down so elegantly and articulately that I started reading the blog.
The few diary posts I have written have been a great outlet for me.
This blog is the primary break from constantly looking at reality - but it is only about games.
Yet significant because that break is necessary for mental health.
Thanks Brian, Seth, Alex, et al.
August 31st, 2021 at 9:02 PM ^
Well said!
August 31st, 2021 at 10:30 PM ^
Great letter ! So sorry to just learn about what Brian is going through. Of course we wish him the best on his journey, and your letter is inspiring. Thanks for the letter. God speed and best wishes to Brian.
September 1st, 2021 at 4:25 PM ^
Wasn't going to comment on this but here goes. The last thing Brian wants to hear is our comments. Time heals most wounds as does a gym membership. Take it out on the weights. Good luck.
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