OT:Favorite Insult
Obviously don't post any racist bullshit.
I was texting my wife earlier and I called her a butt munch and it was so satisfying. Also been digging bozo and jabroni lately thanks to its always sunny in Philadelphia.
So mgo, what's your favorite harmless insult?
Ahhhhh shit. I like:
richard cranium.
Repeating “chicken sandwich, Carllll” every time faux mo post anything. (The joke is from the state. The state is the best sketch comedy I’ve ever seen. The reason for faux Mo is he went crazy one night about chic filet. As if anyone gives a shit about anyone’s opinion about a fast food joint)
your family tree doesn’t seem to fork.
you are a product of an inferior gene pool. (Inbreeding joke, not eugenics)
your gene pool is a bit shallow.
You take the ‘n’ out of fun. (That is a polite way of saying f u)
I look forward to seeing next Nevuary
when anyone’s says they went to fill in the blank school, say, oh you couldn’t get into a major college?
if you see a Yale graduate, say, man I’m sorry you couldn’t get into Harvard. Act genuinely sympathetic.
pretend to care when people describe their diets, work out routines, or the fact that they fly. Keep asking mundane questions about it. Repeat the same questions. “So do you feel better not eating meat” “ do you miss it” do you feel better now? How is your memory? Does running marathons cause narcissistic ramblings about running, or does being a narcissist increase the propensity to both run and talk about it a great length? How do planes work? Landing seems important, agreed? Is air heavy? Wow, where is your CrossFit gym?
and I like to call people Jackie when I mean jack ass. “Hey Jackie, use a blinker.”
there is a Dan deacon bit that is hilarious that says “ drinking out of cups, being a bitch”. Basically, everything that person does is in a bitchy way, thus when I encounter such behavior ( and I’m describing behavior not a sex or gender) I say the person is drinking out of cups. I’ve called the guy a bitch to his face, and he doesn’t know it.
lastly, from upright citizens brigade, “ass pennies”
Fuck stick
Those are great but I prefer “Buckeye”.
Numb Nutz
Midwit
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LQCU36pkH7c
Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
Twat waffle
One of my faves.
Douche Canoe is a current favorite.
I’ll occasionally tell folks, “I don’t care what everyone else says, I like you!”
Similar to my “you’re a good guy no matter what they say!”
I have a friend who told me once, "It's not that I don't like you. It's that I have absolutely no respect for you, either."
A corollary to that: "Nobody says that about you as far as you know."
Feces face.
I live in Ohio so good ribbing here: Is that your head or did your neck just puke a Buckeye?
When golfing: Are those your legs or are you riding a chicken?
Letterkenny had some great ones.
“You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?”
“I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.”
“Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.”
I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.”
“Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.”
Jackhole
I fart in your general direction!
...I like it,I use "did you fart or do you smell like that all of the time"
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.
Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time!
IIIIIII burst my pimples at you!
Dick Trickle
See You Next Tuesday
Dingus
Jagoff or douchebag
C**t.?
How do you pronounce the "**" part?
It's like a grunt.
A “see you next Tuesday”
Can't understand normal thinking
The OP specifically banned racism, but misogyny (C**t) and homophobia (butt munch?) are in bounds for this post? Just want to be clear on the rules before I add anything. /s
Never call someone a cunt at a card game where women are present. You'll get kicked out every time.
Except in Australia. Women in in Oz use the C word as a part of normal conversation.
I told an especially obnoxious 10 yr old nephew he was a "Fart Knocker, Turd Burglar, Butt Muncher, Gonna Munch a Bunch of Butts" It was a few years ago and he's been singing it ever since. It stuck.
Turd
In the right situation, something along the lines of "This MFer doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground" is always a nice one.
"Hole in the ground" was one of my Dad's favorites. He was also fond of describing a bad motorist as "driving with his head up his ass," or that a painfully stupid co-worker "couldn't find his ass with a map."
Dad had an ass quote for every occasion.
In Texas if a dignified Southern Belle tells someone "Bless your Heart Sweetie" it has a particular sting.
Lol, wut??
First if all if you're a "southern belle" in Texas you're a 'plant, prolly from Georgia.
Second even them southeastern transplant ladies don't talk like that in Texas. Maybe for their first week or two. They figure out Texas isn't full of a bunch of neutered, sad, girly-drink lovin' southeastern "gentlemen" real quick.
Cheers.
Mouth breather
I know you are, but what am I?
Yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!
“How’s your wife and my kids?”
Do you mean your ex-wife who left you because of your erectile dysfunction and my stepchildren? They’re fine.
Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you.
What's the difference?? You're their all-time best seller!!!
I've been called worse things by better people