An Open Letter To Whoever Came Up With "Floor Seats" Comment Count

Brian

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No. Don't do it.

Don't do what? Whatever it is you have thought to do next. Hand shoes. Don't do that. Nobody will like them. Foot hands. Nobody wants to replace their feet with hands via a brutal surgical procedure. Just leave the feet and hands as they are now. The feet will be shod. The hands will remain unshod. Critically, both feet and hands will remain feet and hands. Nobody needs or wants four dextrous but fragile appendages. Save it for zero G science fiction, buddy.

No. Don't do that, either.

Do not invent a cuisine based on rotting food. Yes, I've heard of that Scandinavian rotted shark thing. No, I don't think you should extend that concept to the ground beef I forgot about and is now alarmingly brown. Nobody wants to eat rotted food. Okay, yes, Scandinavians. Nobody who isn't a Viking wants to eat rotted food. Millions of years of evolution have resulted in people with strong aversions to food that could make you sick. Stop trying to make a smoothie out of everything the local Kroger is trying to throw out.

Don't do that. Whatever it is. Stop.

Look, I know you need some bullet points on a resume so that when you leave for another job you'll get a title better than "guy who can change the lights without a stepladder," but have you considered the fact that maybe you fit right in there as a man who stands in the corner with his eyes closed until a lightbulb needs changing and then impresses everyone around him with his femur len—DON'T EAT THE LIGHT BULBS

doesn't that hurt?

you are scaring your coworkers

there is blood all over the floor YES IT'S YOUR BLOOD WHO ELSE IS EATING LIGHTBULBS AROUND HERE

don't do that

don't

i can't stop you

nobody can stop you

please no

the sickening crunch

the guttural lip-smacking

the blood

i'll never be able to be around anyone else eating without thinking of this insanity

susan is vomiting

roger has stapled his eyes shut

stop

please

is this hell

i suppose you're going to put this on your resume as an innovative recycling initiative

if i may offer a suggestion, maybe replace the thing where you showed two hours of ref butts with this

Comments

andidklein

February 17th, 2016 at 2:48 PM ^

The tight follow camera was working. The game camera would be right next to tight follow, so if the game camera would go down, the TF would pull out and shoot game.

Kwitch22

February 17th, 2016 at 12:42 PM ^

The camera angles were so bad that I couldn't even stay excited for the game, some of that may have had to deal with the play of the squad, but I think a lot of it had to deal with the cameras. You could not tell if shots went in, if foul calls were good or not, and got no idea of flow of the game. This was worse than the glowing puck, at least I understood the idea behind that. Couldn't they have done this with a lower profile game?

mGrowOld

February 17th, 2016 at 12:43 PM ^

The OSU fans & media were just as pissed-off as we were.  I follow a lot of the local sportswriters and radio personalities on twitter and can tell you that they were just as nunplussed over the camera position as you were Brian.

For a night at least we were united as brothers in hatred of ESPN.  

#worldpeace

andidklein

February 17th, 2016 at 12:43 PM ^

In broadcasting for over 27 years. I've operated that camera for both college and the NBA. It is strictly a replay position. You are supposed to shoot tighter and a lot of times you don't get the ball going through the hoop because either an official or a 3 point shooting forward *I'm looking at you T Mills* gets in the way. If a producer had asked anyone who has EVER done a basketball game if this was a good idea, they would point their finger and laugh at said producer for even asking such a stupid question. I'm sure the grunts working the game hated, especially the poor sap that had to operate the center court hand held. All of his creativity was usurped by the evil empire that is ESPN, The Worldwide Leader in Bad Decisions. I'd ask what kind of Mickey Mouse operation they are running there, but then I remembered they are owned by the Mouse.

bluebyyou

February 17th, 2016 at 1:20 PM ^

It was simply dreadful.  I was watching on a large HD TV and it seemed that 2/3 of the image was the crowd punctuated by the bright light display that constantly runs ads or "make noise" or whatever that encircles the arena.  It literally hurt my eyes to watch the game, at least as much of it as you could see.

Worst!  Idea!  Ever!

funkywolve

February 17th, 2016 at 12:44 PM ^

they had to have the regular cameras in place, right?  

If there was a question of whether someone got a shot off before the buzzer, whether someone's foot was on the 3 pt line, who the ball touched last before it went out of bounds - they would have had more camera angles than the ones on floor, no???

Artie

February 17th, 2016 at 12:56 PM ^

During the timeouts, you could tell the camera angle was higher than floor level. They were there. They were on. There were people manning them. I dvr'd it and lasted through about 10 minutes of the second half then just skipped ahead to the end. The combination of ref butts and basketball ineptness made for a pretty brutal experience.



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cavebeaner

February 17th, 2016 at 1:51 PM ^

I swear I saw a replay/highlight on an ESPN Twitter feed that was an above-the-rim shot. Clearly, somewhere between the game and putting highlights on their Twitter feed, someone actually read their Twitter feed. Hopefully someone who will now be scouring Twitter for a job.

His Dudeness

February 17th, 2016 at 12:51 PM ^

I actually went out to a local bar to watch this game (don't have cable, am poor). After entering said establishment I was delighted to see another wolverine fan sitting at the bar. He said "You're not going to  like this camera angle." I had no idea why the camera angle would be different than, you know, normal basketball viewing camera angle, but I was shocked to see the monstrosity unfold. Being that the camera angle was as it was I had four drinks rather than my regularly scheduled two and made fun of things on twitter instead of watching the game. I then drive home, was pulled over and luckily got only a speeding ticket. Thanks ESPN for nearly ruining my life by forcing me to make poor choices with your horrible decision to go with the fucking butt-cam.

matty blue

February 17th, 2016 at 12:55 PM ^

seems like i work most weeknight games this season, but wasn't working last night and was so pumped to turn it on with an empty house...and i lasted...oh, about three minutes before turning it off completely.

worldwide leaders, man.  bill simmons is gone, yet stephen a and skip bayless remain employed.

Maison Bleue

February 17th, 2016 at 1:04 PM ^

It would have been better if they shot that low from both ends of the floor. At least you wouldn't have as many overlapping players/refs.

But still, don't do that.

It amazes me that a network whose bread and butter is broadcasting live sports would think this was a good idea to try. ESPN sucks.



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Kermits Blue Key

February 17th, 2016 at 1:06 PM ^

My friend and I were convinced something was wrong with the regular cameras until they started blowing each other about how cool the new camera angle was during the halftime show. Unbelievable that anyone thought this was a good idea.