Spencer Hall: Ranking Big Ten Schools by Annoyingness
Great read. Michigan with a respectable showing at #4, just ahead of MSU. I'd say he's pretty spot-on with his analysis, although I would put Penn State higher than #7.
https://mooncrew.substack.com/p/14-big-ten-universities-ranked-by
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:09 PM ^
Demanding a recount......
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:12 PM ^
Meathead Overlords. Spray tan empire. . .
that's pulitzer-worthy right there. . .
October 22nd, 2020 at 6:00 PM ^
Michigan State: "Like the Spartans of old, they usually don’t make it to the end of the story."
Northwestern: "Their coach is a union-busting cop who still looks like a man whose sole goal in life is taking a relaxing dump in the bathroom of an expensive boat."
Ohio State: "Their stadium feels like a mausoleum for dead fascist weightlifters."
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:16 PM ^
I feel like clicking on that link would be somewhat risky and lead to unintended consequences that might linger for years, flaring up occasionally and at the worst possible times.
Edit: *takes a long drag and exhales* Worth it.
Edit2: His take on Michigan is impressive. He basically lambastes us for taking ourselves too seriously, but does it in the most flattering way possible. So even if he's being critical, those of us prone to do so will take it as a compliment while those not inclined to see it the same way will take it as a jab. To appeal to and satisfy two diametrically opposed audiences at the same time with the same content is really, really impressive. I love this line in particular as I found myself nodding in agreement before thinking what a total douchebag I would think someone else was for thinking the same thing, "The Pac-12 are fellow travelers but suffer from the crime of being deeply unserious."
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:10 PM ^
That's Spencer Hall for you. Incredible talent
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:27 PM ^
I started laughing raucously at the exact same point (about the Pac-12).... not because of what it says about them, but rather what it says about us. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.
October 22nd, 2020 at 5:54 PM ^
Whether we like it or not is immaterial. He nailed it.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:23 PM ^
Yeah. I’d put PSU at #2 at least.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:50 PM ^
Had a PSU grad recently tell me that they are god’s favorite team because he made the sky blue and clouds white or some shit. Yeah, they are way too low on this list.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:53 PM ^
Every school w/ blue & white colors has fans that say that. Heard it all the time when I lived in Kentucky, or when I had UConn colleagues.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:58 PM ^
+1 for truth as far as fans think.
Now have a word with your fellow PSU fans for us and set them straight.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:45 PM ^
I spent a day in State College last week (Wednesday). Incredibly, my first time there in town in 10 years. (I find attending road and neutral-site games more fun than home games)
Unfortunately, very few students even walking around campus or town. Few people to even talk to. It was kind of depressing, but a sign of the times.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:34 PM ^
even if that were true..... jerry sandusky put an end to that run
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:39 PM ^
They see sky and clouds, I see a freshly cleaned toilet.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:24 PM ^
The last three entries are as accurate as you can get.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:25 PM ^
How could any serious analysis of this subject have us rated lower than NW???
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:07 PM ^
Yeah, I'm confused about the format. Says it's universities but the 14th team was Indiana which was like, c'mon, they're pretty annoying as a university so this must just be football teams (and even then, as an opposing fan, it is far more annoying to have to be scared by those close games than blow them out like Maryland and Rutgers, et al)).
Then you get to NW and he's complaining about them being a private university. I know he's trying to change it up year to year to keep in interesting and not just have it be the order of conference rankings, but NW was too high, IU too low, Maryland too high, PSU too low and Wisconsin is too low.
I personally am so annoyed by the fact Wisconsin gets a free pass basically to the conf title game every year. At least they don't have a grabby hoody wearing DB this year. Or do they?
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:28 PM ^
Great read. That Michigan section is very accurate. They definitely have been to MGoBlog for some of their research. I for one am very proud of our patent law experts!
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:31 PM ^
That's a great article! Thanks for posting the link.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:33 PM ^
I'm annoyed how much I agree with this .
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:37 PM ^
The Maryland girl crushing that beer has been single handily the only thing keeping Maryland in the big ten.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:57 PM ^
I have watched that in amazement like ten times through the years, and this time I find it sexy? What in the actual fuck has come over me?
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:41 PM ^
I don't know how you didn't find that hot and amazing the first time you saw it but welcome.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:54 PM ^
Maybe it's the room full of bros surrounding them?
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:41 PM ^
Penn State is easily top 3. I'd put them #1, honestly.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:42 PM ^
Hilarious read. Spencer is fantastic and a great Twitter follow
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:46 PM ^
I have spent most of the past 2 weeks in Pennsylvania - a "working remote vacation" that took me to all parts of the state.
I forgot how annoying the Eastern PA folk are in general vs. the Western PA folk. In my unscientific opinion, 50% of my school's fans are from east of the Susquehanna but 85% of the dumbasses are.
Iowa is my personal #1 annoying fanbase, FWIW.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:59 PM ^
I dunno, man... Working in the DC area, I get my fill of Philadelphia and Pittsburgh fans. Arguably more from Pittsburgh, but I stray from my point. I find them to be of equal quality in annoyinness, arrogance, and general asshatery.
I will, however, give them credit for being decent sports fans - at least they travel to see their teams. I know this because it's not uncommon to have more of them cheering for the visitors than for the home team Caps/Nats/Wizards (well, at least prior to when the Caps and Nats got good).
October 22nd, 2020 at 6:00 PM ^
Re Penn State: "Their mascot’s suit cost $4.95 in 1973. That is the last time anyone bought a new one. "
That thing's face looks like a hatchet job taxidermy...from 150 years ago.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:01 PM ^
Too be fair, Philadelphia is on the wrong side of the state.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:57 PM ^
FWIW, my sis & brother-in-law live across the street from Big Ten football visiting parking. In their experience seeing all Big Ten schools tailgating, they declare that one of the two most obnoxious is OSU. That's a big ol' Duh, but the other one surprises me: Iowa.
I tend to think of Iowa as full of nice folks but maybe I've been conned by all that salt-of-the-earth shit. Anyway, when released into the wild, they're e-greeeee-gious.
October 22nd, 2020 at 2:59 PM ^
This was much more entertaining and accurate than I thought it would be, with one giant exception: there's no universe in which OSU isn't at the top of the annoying list. Nebraska doesn't even come close.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:24 PM ^
Dead on. Like they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, and your picture there says it all. Funny article regardless.
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:35 PM ^
they beat out the huskers by a chin.... or several chins
October 22nd, 2020 at 5:03 PM ^
isnt he the one that was on city council for a while?
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:26 PM ^
Why does it seem like Spencer Hall has a new website every year?
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:31 PM ^
I absolutely love the Ohio State write-up on this, accuracy is key there
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:37 PM ^
Honestly nails the Michigan bit. There is a level of self-awareness within the college football world that is lost on some of the self-righteous wing of the Michigan fanbase:
Under pressure, Michigan fans revert to a Manichean worldview, dividing the world into good and evil. Michigan does not cheat, and sends squads of noble warrior-poets into battle against fraudulent mercenaries. The SEC is an ocean of grift. The Pac-12 are fellow travelers but suffer from the crime of being deeply unserious. The rivalry with Ohio State is a conflict not between Michigan and a rival, but an actual pitched battle against a hellmouth of Evil itself. This is not an exaggeration.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:58 PM ^
In our defense, the SEC is an ocean of grift, and everyone knows it.
October 23rd, 2020 at 4:37 AM ^
Spencer admits this as well.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:45 PM ^
Us being at #4 would not have happened if Spencer had read some of our COVID threads around here...
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:50 PM ^
His description of us is superb. And #4 seems to be about right. But PSU is way too low - he left out the constant "the refs are against us, we should just leave the B10" whining. (Please do leave, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.) Nebraska really did overachieve to earn its #1 ranking.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:57 PM ^
Should just switch Nebraska and Penn State. No helmet style points at either school and it's easy to confuse the two.
October 22nd, 2020 at 3:56 PM ^
This article is fucking amazing
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:01 PM ^
They aren't amused over on 11 mendicants.
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:38 PM ^
11 mercenaries?
October 22nd, 2020 at 5:16 PM ^
:-) could be that too.
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:06 PM ^
“...writhe theatrically, and in depth, sometimes for weeks at a time following a loss...“
^^ this should be the new banner byline, so spot on about UM fans in general and especially this place.
I also concur with Don...there is no universe in which OSU does not make #1 on this list. I personally have friends from nine of the other B1G schools, and the OSU homers outstrip the others 10-fold in annoyingness.
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:20 PM ^
Because a few of our colleagues have argued, with sound and cogent arguments, that Ohio State should be first, I'd be willing to flip them with Nebraska.
However, to Nebraska's annoyingosity must be added its initials. Northwestern University is NU, and has always been the NU of the Big Ten. So how does the University of Nebraska get to call itself NU too? It should be UN.
(Nebraska had the first billboard I saw denouncing the United Nations as communist. Maybe the university worried that Nebraskans would get confused if they were rooting for "UN.")
October 22nd, 2020 at 4:21 PM ^
Ohio State is dead on but definitely Should be number 1. I spit coffee reading “there’s a buckeye fan emailing me from a CrossFit in Akron as I type this”