OT: GQ's America's 25 Douchiest Colleges
Just read this in this month's GQ, thought I should share:
#19 Ohio State
HOME OF: The excessive-school-pride douche.
AFFECTATIONS: Dressing for class each morning as if you were the offensive-line coach; writing prison letters to Maurice Clarett.
OVERHEARD AT BUCKEYE CAREER-BUILDING WORKSHOP: "You can put 'Won a national championship' on a resume, right?"
MOST LIKELY TO: Suffocate a hapless Boilermakers fan with a giant foam Number One after offhand comment about how the marching band's "script Ohio" wasn't all *that* impressive.
HONORABLE-MENTION EXCESSIVE-SCHOOL-PRIDE INSTITUTIONS: Duke, Michigan, Texas, Penn State, Yeshiva University
Mod Edit: (HT: michiganfootballblog for providing this link)
August 21st, 2009 at 7:09 PM ^
HONORABLE-MENTION EXCESSIVE-SCHOOL-PRIDE INSTITUTIONS: Duke, Michigan, Texas, Penn State, Yeshiva UniversityOne of these is not like the others.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:11 PM ^
Duke can't hold a candle to Michigan or Yeshiva's gridiron dominance.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:11 PM ^
Yeshiva University? What?
August 21st, 2009 at 7:14 PM ^
Don't overlook the Fightin' Israelis.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:21 PM ^
Their Defense is impregnable.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:10 PM ^
Much of the book of Genesis deals with the inability of high-ranking Jewish women to be pregnated.
Wait, does impregnable mean non-impregnable? I can never keep those words straight!
(BTW, isn't it funny how pro football players can't seem to compose a sentence when interviewed on the field, but they can instantly decode play calls like "O trips left 369 Shark X Choice Z Up Brown"?)
August 21st, 2009 at 9:25 PM ^
And their style is impetuous. They're just ferocious.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:29 PM ^
That would be Maccabees. They compete in DIII.
I know a ton of guys who've gone to YU--the idea that they have any pride at all in going there is ludicrous. Maybe it was a joke.
I was actually surprised because I noticed that Yeshiva dropped a bit in the US News college rankings. They used to sit comfortably in the top 50, which was bullshit to begin with if you ask me. Einstein is a great medical school though, and you get school off for Jewish holidays.
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:40 AM ^
do they roll on shabbos?
August 21st, 2009 at 7:12 PM ^
Haha, thanks for this, casmooth.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:20 PM ^
a yarmulke covering the top of it. Ya gotta observe, whatever the circumstance.
August 21st, 2009 at 11:03 PM ^
I just got schpilkus on my genechtegezoit.
August 22nd, 2009 at 8:09 AM ^
For that condition, my doctor (MD Yeshiva '83) recommends taking a little shiksa each night before bed. If taking it on an empty stomach is a problem, mix in a little gefilte with schmegegge sauce.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:45 PM ^
Shmegeggee is a penis.
August 21st, 2009 at 7:21 PM ^
i kind of expected us to make the list considering our reputation
August 21st, 2009 at 8:06 PM ^
i can't quarrel with that. i was assaulted at my first two games at the horseshoe.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:40 PM ^
What are the other ones?
August 21st, 2009 at 10:58 PM ^
Yea, I have no idea why Yeshiva is on there. The other schools on the list are:
25: U of Virginia
24: U of Texas
23: Randolph-Macon
22: Vassar
21: Trinity
20: Morehouse
19: osu
18: Boston U
17: U of Chicago
16: USC
15: Notre Dame
14: Arizona State
13: U of Georgia
12: U of Phoenix
11: NYU
10: U of Colorado
9: Charter College, Wasilla
8: Rollins College
7: Amherst College
6: Bob Jones (?)
5: Deep Springs (?)
4: Harbard
3: Princeton
2: Duke
1: Brown U
August 21st, 2009 at 11:18 PM ^
I assume that's Trinity (CT) and not Trinity (TX). The CT school is preppy douche style. No sugar coat. The TX school is also strong liberal arts, but it's setting is much more pleasant.
August 21st, 2009 at 11:32 PM ^
Maybe I'm out of the loop....
why are the ?'s next to Bob Jones and Deep Springs but not Randolph-Macon?
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 AM ^
I'm not sure, and this is a revolutionary thought, but possibly because he has actually heard of Randolph-Macon...
Seriously though, I haven't heard of a lot of those schools, but isn't it obvious as to why the ?'s are located where they are located. Or, even more possibly, he happened to make a mistake and forgot to put one next to it because it's not a big deal.
Anyways, I'm done being a dick now. Have a good day!
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:47 AM ^
...is a 2 year liberal arts school near Death Valley where the course of study includes Heidegger and cattle ranching.
For true.
August 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 AM ^
Do you happen to have the write up for Brown. Since I went there, I want to see how big of a douche I am. I can't believe those douches at Harvard aren't number 1.
August 22nd, 2009 at 9:25 AM ^
You look like a douche because you have a picture of Tate with two girls.
August 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 AM ^
College graduate with a picture of a teenage boy with two teenage girls as his avatar = douche!
Almost as bad as the picture of yourself with a coach or player picture.
Have a nice day.
August 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 AM ^
I was actually going for douche, so it must have worked. There are a lot of douches at Brown. You have your hippie douche and your prep douche. It's quite a nice mix.
P.S.= Big Fan of Those Teenage Boys, who play football.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:34 PM ^
Duke at 2? Fuck the heck?
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:48 PM ^
My personal nominees for this list are Princeton, Hampden Sydney College, University of Richmond, ohio state, Reed College, Olin, Oberlin and Evergreen State.
Some of these places have douche factors that blow one's mind:
25: U of Virginia
Sundresses and ties to the football games? Their school song starts with "get drunk tonight"?
23: Randolph-Macon
Thought this was an all-girls school in Richmond, VA?
17: U of Chicago
Invented the first nuclear reactor, can't be that bad.
15: Notre Dame
I went to a Catholic high school, and while I've heard that faith development is strong in South Bend I couldn't imagine another four years in the jock-and-beer social structure. Beer pong, anyone?
13: U of Georgia
Their coach is a douche, that's for sure.
12: U of Phoenix
Not even a brick and mortar school!
11: NYU
Every Manhattan school is a symbolic entry on this list for Wall Street/Sex and the City wannabes hooked on some romantic ideal of NYC.
10: U of Colorado
Makes regular party schools look like temperance houses.
8: Rollins College
Who?
2: Duke
Douche basketball fans, but also douche professors and administrators who wanted the obviously-framed lacrosse players to go to trial and thought the DA got a raw deal when indicted for fabricating evidence.
1: Brown U
Brown's most famous alum: "COME TO PENN SHHHHTATE!!!"
August 23rd, 2009 at 3:11 PM ^
Phoenix actually has a physical campus, it's just not used by the vast majority of their students.
August 23rd, 2009 at 3:38 PM ^
"Phoenix actually has a physical campus, it's just not used by the vast majority of their students. "
I stand corrected...I see the buildings in various places but I assumed they were administrative in nature.
August 21st, 2009 at 11:03 PM ^
HOME OF: THE MORAL DOUCHE
FAVORITE PICKUP LINE: "You know, I thought about the seminary, but then decided it wasn't for me. If you know what I mean."
DOUCHEY ALUMNI: Condoleezza Rice, James Baker, Regis Philbin, Steve Bartman
PROFILES IN STUDENTIA: Gerry McDougal, *Chicago. "I was looking for a place that would challenge me academically, but I also wanted to feel bad about masturbating. At Notre Dame, I got both."
*There is no Gerry McDougal.
Not quite as funny as the osu write-up, but I thought you would be interested nonetheless.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:55 AM ^
Never thought about my college choices like Gerry Mcdougal has. That's some serious insight. Notre Dame just became a legit contender for my cash. (Hell yes I'm kidding)
August 21st, 2009 at 11:13 PM ^
How is it that GQ of all magazines is in position to publish that list? Must be the "takes one to know one" principle.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:36 AM ^
bob jones should be #1
August 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 AM ^
Personally, I think that tOSU fans are douchier than ND and USC. Better yet, the worst state ever is douchier than ND and USC.
I assume that is Colorado-Boulder on the list. I heard from a friend that went there (he transferred after fall of freshmen year) that everyone there is a complete douche, professors, students, locals.
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:59 AM ^
I'm not a Jewish Scholar, but wouldn't they have trouble fielding a team on Saturdays?
August 22nd, 2009 at 8:24 AM ^
Well, I think you can still play sports, but certain things would be an issue: fans driving to the stadium, playing music, using electronics, and blowing a whistle would probably not be allowed. There are a lot of issues here, but if the people doing them aren't Jewish, then it could work.
Also, night games would be fine on Saturday.
August 22nd, 2009 at 8:33 AM ^
I remember meeting a junior from that fine school (don't think they can listen to rock music there!) telling me that their business school was ranked third nationally.
That was quite the knee-slapper.
August 22nd, 2009 at 9:43 AM ^
The people who go to Bob Jones exist happily within a reality that only they experience. In their reality, the annual US News survey of higher institutions lists Bob Jones as #3 behind Regent University and Liberty for schools of business, medicine, engineering, law, physics, philosophy, and pharmacy, because Jesus wants it that way.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 PM ^
Here is an interesting show on Book TV about a Brown University student who went undercover at Liberty University. It really a good watch. Nice young fella who wrote the book.
http://www.c-spanarchives.org/library/index.php?main_page=product_video…
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:54 PM ^
Honestly, I'm wondering what criteria they're using for douchey. I think we have a lot more douchey alums than fucking Bob Jones (LOL CHRISTIANS I GET IT)