Hope is a dangerous thing

Submitted by Darker Blue on October 25th, 2021 at 7:44 AM

I've spent a significant portion of the last 12 years or so on this message board. Some of the best moments I've ever had in an online community have happened on Mgoblog. 

I had a rough time growing up. I came from a solid middle class background, had a family who took care of my needs, yet I had a hard time going with the flow. I was constantly in trouble with not only my parents, but also the schools and then much later the law. 

It was rough, I spent many years isolated from the rest of the world when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I forgot what human contact was like. I forgot how to smile. I only knew how to hate. I strugggled with anger, and addiction. I consantly went out of my way to fuck my life up.  

 There was one bright spot however. Michigan athletics always made me forget how dark the world seemed. I watched the 1997 Rose Bowl with my parents and brother and it was such a fantastic time. Those few Saturdays in the fall made my life worth living.. Michian athletics gave me hope. Michigan athletics helped to keep me alive. 

And so we get to my message or complaint or however you want to phrase it. The negativity on this board sucks. It sucks so bad. You guys seem to forget that these are kids just playing a game. Sure its probably rigged and it may be 10 more goddamn years before we beat Ohio State. But for those 4 hours on Saturdays in the fall, the world just seems perfect.

Years later after much therapy and many doctors visits it turns out I was bipolar. After finding the right medication combo my life seems to be on the right track. I've been sober nearly 5 years. I'm happily married. I have a career that i'm proud of. I have the most wonderful little girl in the world. 

So I guess what I'm rambling about, is that Hope is okay. Hope is good. Lets lose the negativity and cheer for the best goddamn college football program in the history of the world. 

Love, 
Darker Blue

TeslaRedVictorBlue

October 25th, 2021 at 7:51 AM ^

edit: my bad. i misread some of what you wrote. Agree. Negativity beyond this board though is what makes this place basically a reflection of society (currently). Not sure how it gets fixed anymore.

brad

October 25th, 2021 at 1:06 PM ^

In-person etiquette took centuries to spread to the general population.  Now all of a sudden, we have the internet and social media and don't have etiquette for it yet.  It's culturally still brand new, and we are all allowed to behave like cave men behind our protective wall of anonymity.

So it really still starts with each of us as individuals choosing to not be an asshole no matter what.  Choosing to write something down as if you are speaking directly to a person in the same room.  That's how it gets fixed.

Sam Wheat

October 25th, 2021 at 8:01 AM ^

Thanks for your uplifting post. It’s going to be crazy town in here this week so this was a good way to start.

Glad to hear life has come together for you. All the best to you and your family moving forward.
 

Go Blue. Fuck State.

Gree4

October 25th, 2021 at 8:02 AM ^

Conan O Brien Salute GIF - Conan O Brien Salute Clap GIFs

 

The first 2 comments prove your point. 

 

This board is openly mocked on others for the overwhelming toxicity. I would really love to see some of the mods or "experts" clap back once in awhile, but I think the PTSD is too strong. 

brad

October 25th, 2021 at 8:04 AM ^

Thanks for this message Darker Blue, it's always good to hear a true story of overcoming extreme difficulty to create a healthy and stable life.

I think 1/4 to 1/2 of the posters that spew endless low key negativity here are actually Michigan State fans, but regardless of that I applaud your message of positivity.

CarrIsMyHomeboy

October 25th, 2021 at 8:05 AM ^

I want to be sensitive to the bearing of a soul. That’s courageous and I respect it. That said, this thread is going to have a rough time. It means well but is ultimately not what the current iteration of the mgoboard values: bare-bones, objective facts shared in ways both highly detailed and utterly original. So whereas this is a touching message that obviously belongs on the internet somewhere, I worry about bullying since this contribution is too subjective/vague to find celebration here.
 

Maybe as an mgodiary? 

sheepman

October 25th, 2021 at 8:05 AM ^

All good, brother, I appreciate your vulnerability.

I have a related experience with Michigan football. My doctorate at UM was the one of the most difficult and horrible experiences of my life. I had an infant, a toddler, and a step-son teenager. My only escape and peace was Michigan football - even though I started in 2007 (first game was App State) and I finished in 2013 (last year of Hoke), so it has a special place in my past.

And it makes the hard seasons so much harder. I hope to find out what it does if we win the Big Ten or more. 

MgoHillbilly

October 25th, 2021 at 8:10 AM ^

Quite a lot of us are in the anger, bargaining, and depression stages of grieving for Michigan's lack of dominance over Ohio State. Others are still in denial and a few have accepted it.

Congrats on getting things sorted out. I work in the legal profession and all I'll add is that you should never come off the meds. I've known too many people in similar situations to yours start to feel better and get their lives back on track, only to stop their meds when they're feeling well. Seems they all end up self medicating with drugs or alcohol after that and get into trouble again.  Best of luck with your continued success and hard work.

slblue

October 25th, 2021 at 8:11 AM ^

Wow, that was moving.  Thanks so much for sharing.  

And, unfortunately, I agree with your assessment of the negativity here.  They say that the only happy Michigan fan is an unhappy Michigan fan.  It doesn’t have to be that way.

Onward! 

BBA96

October 25th, 2021 at 8:15 AM ^

Thank you for posting this! I too was in a dark place during the 1997 season and that team was a special light in my life for a few hours every Saturday. Obviously we’ve had some bumps in the road during the last 23 seasons but I’ll always cherish that team and what it meant to me. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one…

Go Blue! Beat State!

BuddhaBlue

October 25th, 2021 at 1:53 PM ^

Really weird, as I read the OP I was like, "hey that sounds like me when I was that age"

Than after reading your post, it hit me that I too started pulling out of it in 1997, the year I went to Michigan and experienced that glorious season as a student. Going to UM was just what I needed to get my life back on track - the school, my classmates, friendships, Ann Arbor, my profs, my department... and of course the sports teams  :)

Indy Pete - Go Blue

October 25th, 2021 at 8:17 AM ^

Beautifully written Blue. Thanks for opening up and encouraging us with this awesome post. I am happy for where you are - and I appreciate your perspective on the enjoyment of Michigan football/ athletics.  

Laser Wolf

October 25th, 2021 at 8:23 AM ^

Good stuff, Darker. Glad to hear some things have fallen into place for you.

Honestly it took until the birth of our first daughter to make me realize... none of this matters. Yeah it can be exhilarating when things are going well and deeply frustrating when things are going not so well. But the actual tangible impact of a football game on my life in comparison to my wife, my kids? Approaching zero. None of these players will ever know I exist and it's best I treat this like anything else: a hobby, rather than an obsession. Almost embarrassed that it took so long for me to have that epiphany but weekends are much more fulfilling these days.

Not judging anyone else and how they approach Michigan athletics. You do whatever works best for you, your life, your loved ones. I just know I personally needed to take an emotional step back.

NeverPunt

October 25th, 2021 at 8:23 AM ^

Appreciate your perspective, DB. Sorry to hear about some of the rough stuff you’ve dealt with all these years. I think we all keep coming back to this board and this team and this game because of the things that unite us, many of which you mentioned. Much more importantly, glad to hear that a fellow human has found some joy in this world in your marriage and your daughter. Hope that darker days are behind you and this football program for good. And win or lose on saturdays in the fall, it’s gonna be a shitshow on these here message boards because we all care and want to recapture those moments of joy we experienced when we discovered this wonderful game. Take solace that whatever anyone is voicing, we want the same thing. 

MGK10

October 25th, 2021 at 8:28 AM ^

Hope is not a plan or strategy. You did what you had to do to climb out of the darkness, you put in the hard work to do so. Darkness is not your friend, it belongs to State. Go Blue.