Faux Pelini on Satellite Camps -- Harbaugh Appearance

• one-half football game: Selling thousands of autographs, probably (2013, Johnny Manziel)
• 4 football games: Lots and lots of cash and yachts and strippers (2011, many Miami guys)
• 4 football games: Accepting $3,000 for autographs and being honest about it (2014, Todd Gurley)
• 5 football games: Getting free tattoos (2010, Terrelle Pryor)
• 1 full football season: Lying about being friends with Deion Sanders (2009, Dez Bryant)
• 1 full basketball season: First positive drug test for marijuana (2014, Mitch McGary)

That is hilarious. Thanks for posting

student athletes get free hotel wifi, LOL

Now I understand the consistent, even handed, and considered approach the NCAA takes to helping student athletes.  It's all so clear now! Thanks Faux Pelini!

"On the other hand, if a coach breaks NCAA rules, he or she has to pay tuition for three college students out of his or her own pocket. Just kidding, the NCAA punishes the coach by preventing several students from attending school for free."

Did Faux Pelini finally eat his cat?

My favorite: "Jim Harbaugh is the football coach at Michigan and is what is known in coaching circles as a "penis." He makes very serious and angry faces. He often marches around, throws up his hands and points at a thing that just happened. He once shook a man's hand so aggressively that SportsCenter featured it for two weeks. "

"It is important that Jim Harbaugh does not get what he wants, ever. The world is happier when he is sad. Jim Harbaugh likes satellite camps, and therefore they should be illegal."

Pretty much the SEC's main argument.

funny, frustrating, and sad all at the same time

Faux Peliini is a national treasure

The NCAA reminds me exactly of established charitible organizations. Once upon a time they were founded to provide aid to those in need, more aid was provided by small donations, and a couple years later the organization exists solely for the purpose of generating as much money as humanly possible, even to the point of trade-marking pink ribbons, or the phrase "find the cure" so they can sue other charities who might get some of the money that should legally all belong to them and fuck everybody else. Yeah, the NCAA is exactly like those wonderful "not for profit" charities, or FIFA.

This is the best thing I've read in a long time. Note perfect satire.

Thanks for posting...that was a wonderfully written and biting piece.

Because you're not in the NCAA some of the rules and mandates may be too complicated. Just remember, what they do is always for the good of the student-athletes.

"Southern schools have fun nicknames like 'Bama' and 'Dawgs' and 'Ole' and a rich football tradition. Part of that tradition used to involve not letting some of the best football players from the South go to Southern schools, but they have fixed that entirely and now their focus is on making sure the best football players in the South only go to Southern schools. One way they try to do that is by keeping the Northern schools and their goddamn satellite camps out of the South."

Best satire I've read in weeks.

But did anyone read the comments?  The one about the souths booming economy made me spit Pepsi on my computer screen.  The only state in the SEC foot print that averages more than 35 k of gdp is Georgia.  I bet if you burned down Atlanta they would be in the toilet too.

Thanks for posting, that was a good read. Man I hate the NCAA.

That is hilarious.

Yeah, that's a funny account.  I lost it when he retweeted about a golfer in a tournament in Hawaii - to paraphrase, "So-and-so misses cut, gets robbed and beaten at hotel."  Faux Pelini's response - "A bad and dangerous rule."  lol