Much like the Michigan offense, my crazy feels constrained

 

Game #2 vs Army recap:

Uhhh ....detente?

Defense was all Battle of Thermopylae (480 bc).....

...offense was more  ....... Battle of Issus (333 bc)?

In 333 BC, the Achaemenid Persian Darius III, who proclaimed himself the King of Kings, 
led his huge army into battle against a much smaller force led by Alexander the Great, 
who was still very early in his military career. Darius III had a number of difficulties, 
not least of which was supplying his huge force with food and water for men and horses. 
However, his biggest error came when he met Alexander on a battlefield which was too small 
to allow him to take advantage of his greater numbers, but allowed Alexander to make full 
use of his smaller, more mobile army. Darius III was defeated by Alexander, the first time 
a Persian King had been personally defeated in battle. The Persian King was forced to flee, 
leaving his army to be slaughtered by the victors.

Or did it just feel that way?

Offense is definitely battling "issues".

Great week for a bye week, so rare to have three weeks "off" this early in the season :)

Coming to gripes:

 

OK ......I ..... give ....in.

First Noble Truth: Suffering, pain, and misery exist in life

Got eligibility? We could use DT depth!

Around the same time as Buddha, 100 years before Plato, 
Heraclitus remarked: "..all things come into being through strife necessarily"

Couple 1000 years later, Shakespeare: 
“Let thee embrace me, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course”

20th century American Armed Forces: "Embrace the SUCK!"

September 2018: Brian Cook: "Bpone"

 

Can't fight thousands of years of wisdom, must  .....suffer ....with ....ninnies.

So since I can't fight it, I figured I'd really immerse myself in misery, especially that of a college football team with astronomical expectations that dosen't quite have the hot start they were expecting. I looked back at the first month of last 5 seasons; I focused on high ranked teams "not playing up to expectations" based on turnovers, struggling QB play, divisional opponents and, of course, RIVALS! since losing to them is extra miserable around here.

Didn't need to look back too far, 2018 add some great "suck to start" candidates:

The obvious one is the '17 CFP team who barely escaped in OT against the dread 
"service academy game", only to lose two weeks later to their main divisional rival!
Oh, that SUCKS plus hits too close to Michigan's current situation, so lets move on.

And then..

There was also another '17 CFP team that, despite being 4-0 with a win vs a main rival,
had a QB that threw 4 picks in 4 games and struggled against "inferior" teams, so they 
decided to go to the #2 QB!
SUCK of the Irish! And then...

Or the team that finished #2 in '17, expecting to contend again with a returning starter at QB
but, even though he's a senior, he struggles the first few games and is replaced with a true
freshman! The senior transfer portals immediately and in Q1 of the next game their new QB gets hurt and they barely survive the upset versus a divisional opponent.
Getting poops stains outta orange pants = SUCKAGE! And then...

 

What about 2017?

How about the preseason #7, 4-0 with a win over the #2 team, but with a suspect D and 5 turnovers gets upset in game 5 by a divisional opponent who finishes the year 8-5.
At least that SUCK season was over sooner than later. And then...

Even the returning champs got off to an inauspicious start that year, averaging a turnover per game in the first month and a half and getting upset by a divisional opponent.
Clemsoning SUCKS! And then...

 

2016? Well, that year was a Doooozy.

Defending champ and preseason #1 averages a turnover per game and narrowly escapes the upset to 19th ranked divisional opponent in a SUCKFEST. Preseason #2 had 5 turnovers in the first 2, eventually losing to a conference opponent in NOV, SUCKY! Even the Pac12 finally had an undefeated team in November and, it wasn't even USC, only to have that team..... be beaten  ...in NOV ...by USC. SUCKS to be you Husky! Preseason #6 has turnovers early on from QB struggles and loses to an unranked divisional opponent in game 7, should've lost game 12 too but they got a "bad" spot. SUCKITY,  SUCKITY, SUCK! And then...

 

2015?

Top20 team with 9 t/o's in their first 5 games and a loss to an unranked divisional rival! 
Stoops SUCKS! Preseason #3, 7 t/o's in 3 games plus loss to unranked divisional opponent!
Saban SUCKS! ACC team with 4 t/o's in 3 games barely escaping week 3 upset to unranked divisional opponent.
Everybody SUCKS, fire them all! And then...

 

2014?

#1, defending champs = 10 t/o's first 5 games, beat Citadel by three scores. WinstonSUCKS!
#2 = 9 t/o's first 5 games plus loss to divisional opponant. TideSUCKS!
#3 = upset by division rival week 3. DysenterySUCKS! 
And then...

And finally the most famous Unicorn of them all:
Returning senior starting QB lost for the year in fall camp, replaced by a true freshman, game #1 "service academy game" nuthump, 7 t/o's in 3 games, plus upset by an unranked team in game 3; they even had to replace their #2 QB with the 3rd string quarterback! Wow, that had to SUCK!

And then...

 

 

Now don't we all feel so turrible?

And these are the type of "false starts" that teams just can't recover from because, as we know, one of the first rules of college football is:

September decides everything!

 

I really feel bad for the fan bases of these teams; to know that your season is over and there's no way that your team will ever be able to accomplish anything important, especially not any championships, or PLAYOFFS?

hAhA Laughable man!

 

 

Of course, who am I kidding? I don't feel sympathy for these fans, it's empathy.

With 5 turnovers in two games, an uninspiring escape in a "service academy game" and a potential road loss to a conference opponent this weekend .........

..it seems Michigan is heading down the exact same road as these teams.

Bpone me?