Blue and Joe

PUNT

By Bryan MacKenzie

You may remember "Wisconsin" from your childhood, but if you don't, here's a brief refresher: Wisconsin is a state just west of Michigan that somehow claims to be the one shaped like a mitten.

This is somewhat like Louisiana trying to claim the title of "the one shaped like the wang" from Florida, or Idaho trying to declare itself "The Great Rectangle State of the American West." But I digress.

The reason you may not remember Wisconsin very well is that Michigan hasn't played the Badgers since 2010. Both schools have gone through two coaching changes since then; Brady Hoke's Michigan never played Wisconsin, and Gray Andersen's Wisconsin played Michigan. The last time these two teams met, Wisconsin did to Michigan what Michigan just did to Penn State; they ran the same. damn. play. over. and. over. They ran for 357 yards at 6.2 yards per carry. Greg Robinson, who believe it or not was Michigan's defensive coordinator, rubbed a stuffed beaver in Kenny Demens' face on the sidelines. Remember 2010? 2010 was weird as hell. 2010 sucked in a lot of ways.

A lot has changed since 2010. Gas was $0.27 per gallon, but we didn't notice because cars ran on Arcade Fire and Four Loko. Our computers SUCKED at playing Jeopardy. We hadn't seen Anthony Weiner's Florida a single time. Rutgers still sucked, but they sucked WAY THE HELL OVER THERE. Global warming was still called global warming, and hadn't produced a single Sharknado.

2016 is emphatically not 2010.

2016 Wisconsin is not 2010 Wisconsin. You can see a family resemblance, of course. But those old Wisconsin teams always had a massive, immovable, road-grading offensive line consisting of three-star corn-fed midwesterners. 2016 Wisconsin's offensive line is fine, but they are far from the mass of murderous thunder-flesh that blew those RichRod teams three yards off the ball on every play.

2016 Michigan is also decidedly not 2010 Michigan. 2016 Michigan is the Michigan that runs the same play eight times in a row, because the opponent can't stop it. 2016 Michigan is the team that can throw "rock" on every snap because the rock is Wormley-shaped. 2016 Michigan is the river carving the canyon through simple operation of physics over time. And this game is when that really becomes clear. Michigan's defensive line will simply overwhelm Wisconsin's line, and they force Wisconsin's young quarterback to put the ball up and pray for rain. Meanwhile, Harbaugh uses a combination of crazy wizard magic and Jabrill Peppers (admittedly, these are related fields) to put points on the board against a stout defense.

Welcome to 2016, Bucky. Michigan 31, Wisconsin 7

COUNTERPUNT

by Nick RoUMel

Last week Michigan fans came tantalizingly close to the exceedingly rare “quad-fecta.” Michigan trounced Penn State, Sparty was crushed by the Badgers, Notre Dame lost at home to Duke, and Ohio State did not win (drat … only because they didn’t play).

We also enjoyed two bonus games. Colorado, behind their second-string quarterback, won at Oregon - thus enhancing the value of Michigan’s win against the Buffalos. The other was 0-4 Furman’s 20 point drubbing by Coastal Carolina, a margin that exceeded Michigan State’s 28-13 home victory over the Paladins on opening day. Thus both of Sparty’s victories were significantly diminished Saturday.

(To be fair to Michigan State, as I must because I am married to a Spartan grad, it is looking like a rebuilding year for them; and I am certain they will come back strong behind their handsome and determined coach Mark Dantonio.)

I was curious enough to look up the last time we experienced an actual quad-fecta. You have to go back to September 12, 2009, when the Buckeyes lost to Southern Cal, MSU lost to Central Michigan [insert helplessly laughing emoji here], and Michigan stunned Notre Dame in the Big House, 38-34, on the legendary Tate Forcier’s pass to Greg Mathews with 11 seconds to play.

The last quad-fecta where none of these teams played each other happened on October 2, 2004. Michigan beat Indiana; and Ohio State (Northwestern), MSU (Iowa), and Notre Dame (Purdue) all went down ingloriously. No doubt Wolverine fans everywhere rejoiced long into the night.

Can we have another today?

Let’s start with Ohio State, which hosts Rutgers, a 38-point ‘dog. Unlikely.

The Flailing Irish travel to Syracuse as a 10 ½-point favorite. Could be an upset special.

And Michigan State, distracted by those pesky Dantonio-to-LSU rumors, visits Indiana as a shaky 6.5 point favorite. The non-horrible Hoosiers will give it a good shot.

Which brings me to UM.

This one makes me nervous. The oddsmakers are too generous here, giving 10 ½ points to Wisconsin, which is rolling like the thunder Mother Nature has in store for us on Saturday. Those behemoths on both sides of the ball are going to battle in the trenches a lot tougher then Pederast State did last week, and lefty QB Alex Hornibrook showed a lot of poise against the Spartan defense. The weather could also be a factor to slow down Michigan’s offense.

But Wisconsin is vulnerable in the secondary, which was lit up by 0-3 Georgia State’s Conner Manning two weeks ago (20-29, 269 yards, 1 TD) in an upset bid at Madison that fell just short, 23-17.

So what’s the call, Counterpunt?

Say it ain’t so, Superboy … it’s going to be a Bizarro quad-fecta:

WISCONSIN 28, MICHIGAN 27

OHIO STATE 54, RUTGERS 20

MICHIGAN STATE 23, INDIANA 15

NOTRE DAME 24, SYRACUSE 16

[Insert stunned Bizarro emoji here]