Punt-Counterpunt: Nebraska 2021
Husker Links: The Preview, The Podcast, FFFF Offense (chart), FFFF Defense (chart)
Something's been missing from Michigan gamedays since the free programs ceased being economically viable: scientific gameday predictions that are not at all preordained by the strictures of a column in which one writer takes a positive tack and the other a negative one… something like Punt-Counterpunt.
PUNT
By Bryan MacKenzie
@Bry_Mac
The last few years have been difficult for Michigan fans. Obviously, they’ve been difficult for everyone, but if you had to add a modifier to anyone to improve their lives recently, “Michigan football fan” hasn’t exactly been “guy who invested heavily in sweatpant futures in February of 2020” or “Tractor Supply medical supply rep.” So while Michigan basketball provided a nice pick-me-up during these Troubled Times, Michigan football provided a crappy, losing, literally disease-ridden season, followed by an offseason of job rumors and general ennui.
However, if you were anything like me, there was one thought that occasionally crossed your mind that always brought a smile to your face. Not a big beaming smile, but a little grin. A moment of welcome levity in a dark time. A touch of light on a dreary day. Two little words that had the same effect as finding a five dollar bill in your coat pocket from the winter before, or hitting the trash can with a wadded up paper towel from across the room on the first try:
“Scott Frost.”
Upchurch
Scott Frost’s first three years at Nebraska were the real life equivalent of the caricature people draw of Jim Harbaugh’s tenure at Michigan. The brash, aggressive golden boy former quarterback returns home to revive and reestablish a once-proud program that has fallen on hard times, only to fall flat. But where Harbaugh’s record has been underwhelming, Scott Frost’s record hasn’t been within a Tanner Lee arm-punt of “underwhelming.”
[After THE JUMP: Whereas…]
A 15-23 record, which is worse than Rich Rodriguez’s 15-22 mark at Michigan. A 10-19 conference record and failing to get to .500 in conference play in any season, despite playing in the Big Ten West. The defense that can’t stop anyone from scoring (they’re surrendered >29 points per conference game in each of Frost’s seasons). The Scott Frost Day jokes. Oh, god, the Scott Frost Day jokes.
It’s got a seal and everything
So, when Nebraska started the season with a Week 0 loss to Illinois, it is was easy to mentally drop them into the “lol, Nebraska is Nebraska and will always be Nebraska” bucket. We had other stuff to worry about, like sturdy, reliable programs like Washington and Wisconsin and Northwestern. So if I, as the worst time traveler in the history of time travel, returned from this moment to immediately before the Western Michigan kickoff to tell you, “Nebraska rolls into October 9th at 3-3, and is probably the best team Michigan will face in the first seven weeks of the season,” you would’ve been understandably skeptical.
This is how I too remember Adrian Martinez (Upchurch)
But look at Nebraska since that opening catastrophe against Illinois. Since then, they’re gaining 6.9 yards per play and surrendering only 4.9 yards per play. They’re giving up an average of 12.6 points per game. They played the #6 team in the country to the wire, and absolutely should have beaten the #11 team in the country. They’re fresh off a 49-point thrashing of the defending Big Ten West champions. They have a senior quarterback who is averaging 9.8 yards per attempt, has rushed for 69 yards per game at over 5 yards per carry (even including sack yardage), and has thrown only two interceptions on 150 attempts. They have the #20 SP+ defense and the #34 offense in the country. They’re… good. Not great. But good.
I know it seems crazy. The ONE THING we thought we could count on in these crazy times was Nebraska being mediocre. But Vegas has this as a 3 or 3.5 point game. SP+, who *loves* Michigan to an extent that makes Michigan fans uncomfortable, has Michigan by 3.6 points. And this is a night game in the building that still holds the restless soul of Denard Robinson’s elbow. Alas, Scott Frost finally gets the signature win he’s been seeking for four years. But don’t worry, you can still celebrate Scott Frost Day however you see fit. Nebraska 27, Michigan 20
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COUNTERPUNT
By Internet Raj
@internetraj
For over a decade, I’ve harbored a hidden, intractable anger. A silent rage that simmers at my core but bubbles over almost every time I watch college football. Indignation that an organization could boldly conjure up something so incoherent and nonsensical yet trot it out on our television sets every Saturday afternoon with a self-satisfied air of smugness.
At first glance, you might think I’m talking about Michigan football, which admittedly fits the bill of a hubris-addled consummate disappointment. But no, that would (a) be too obvious, and (b) thwart the long-winded, circuitous writing style I have mastered to disguise my complete lack of technical football knowledge and satisfy Seth’s recommended 500-word target for Punt-Counterpunt. The true focus of my ire is not an on-field product, but one wedged in almost every 2-minute commercial break.
The Car Fox.
The fucking Carfax Car Fox.
On the surface, the Car Fox seems like yet another innocuous, and dare-I-say cute, use of an animal mascot hawking a harmless product. Even a moment of further inquiry, though, topples the trembling house of cards logic deployed by the Carfax marketing department. First of all, the company’s name is “Carfax.” This in itself makes fine sense because “fax” is a stylized version of “facts” and Carfax is a company that sells vehicle history reports (i.e., literal “car facts”) to consumers and businesses. No, that’s not what bothers me. It’s the wholly nonsensical and arbitrary leap from “fax” to “fox” that lights the kerosene-soaked furor in my soul. I have combed through minutes and minutes of Carfax commercials and not once is it ever explained in the canon of the Carfax Cinematic Universe how the company can, with a straight face, make the jump from “fax” to “fox.” There is absolutely nothing that links these two words other than the fact that they… kinda sound the same?
I’m only at 305 words so I gotta wring more out of this Carfax shit, so let me just say that the Car Fox is complete and utter bullshit, a shameless output of a chain of logic unmoored from any semblance of rationality. And it’s not just that arriving at “fox” from “facts” that irks me. It’s that the Car Fox is presented to the viewers with such galling shamelessness, built on the implicit assumption that we are collectively so stupid that we’ll just blindly slurp up the corporate slop being served by the Carfax industrial complex. The sheer brazenness of it all, like if Urban Meyer had given his fingers a deep sniff and turned to an Ultra HD 8K camera and winked. Honestly, fuck you, Car Fox and fuck everything that you stand for. Alright, now I’m at 384 words, so this is where I should probably start pivoting to talking about Nebraska.
Facts -> Fax -> Fox
When Michigan plays Nebraska today, you’ll invariably see more than a handful of Carfax commercials, and when you do, know that that leering Car Fox is stoking the embers of my fury. But that won’t be the only incoherent, jumbled mess on your television. There will also be Scott Frost, a guy who will lose to you by 50 and say his team “outhit” you. A guy whose offense shows signs of promise only to be crippled by a bonehead play, decision, or penalty. A guy who at first glance made all the sense in the world—the prodigal son returning home to Lincoln—only to be revealed as a complete sham. Scott Fox.
Some of the more discerning readers of this column might be sensing a case of meta-hypocrisy. Is Raj really complaining about the tenuous logic in going from “facts” to “fax” to “fox”? The same Raj whose Counterpunt column is literally the built on the back of nonsensical metaphors and analogies that heavy-handedly segue into a few empty words and shallow gestures about the week’s game? Well, to that claim, I only have one response: I’m at 587 words now, so goodbye and go blue.
Michigan: 46, Nebraska CornFoxers: 24
October 9th, 2021 at 9:00 AM ^
A little worried about Raj over the Car Fox rant, but I think he has the score just about nailed.
I think the Nebraska defense is real, but less real than Wisconsin's. And, though their offense is scary, and there will probably a few frustrating chunk plays, there will be many MANY moments of annihilation in the backfield that kill drives or cause turnovers. In fact, the D might compete with the O today for points scored.
Michigan Offense: 24
Michigan Defense: 21
Nebraska: 13
Michigan Special Teams: 7
Michigan ends up with a "quiet" (because no one else has noticed that Nebraska is for real) 52–13 victory that will look pretty amazing when Nebraska finishes the season with a close loss to OSU and then victories at Wisconsin and against Iowa.
We don't see it yet, but today is a CFP resume game.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:54 AM ^
This is P/CP Inception.
You basically nailed a shortened version of P/CP in the comments about P/CP. I can’t help but think this portends to excellent things for tonight. Strong work.
October 9th, 2021 at 9:09 AM ^
Didn’t the Geico gecko start off complaining in an American accent that the company is named geico, not gecko?
That then escalated quickly.
October 9th, 2021 at 9:11 AM ^
Lots of Michigan comrades here in Lincoln for the game. Looking forward to it!
October 9th, 2021 at 9:18 AM ^
seeing all that red has to warm your communist heart.
close game, some scary stuff. i think by the end of the 1st quarter we'll know if it's going to be a relaxing saturday night game, or a white-knuckle roller coaster.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:52 AM ^
If you’re in Lincoln and you see a brown guy wearing a maize Michigan hoodie that looks like this, you may have found a Comrade.
October 9th, 2021 at 9:12 AM ^
Raj, you beautiful man! You did it!
I can relate to having to put out a work product when the muses won't cooperate.
I'm very nervous about the game but nice to have stakes football again! Go Blue!
October 9th, 2021 at 9:21 AM ^
Ho-ho-ho-HOOOOLD ON…
I’m a little slow on the uptake but I just assumed the Scott Frost day thing was just at the university; the WHOLE STATE???
What. The. French. Toast.
P.S. You’re that incensed by the Carfax Car Fox, yet not a word for the Geico Gecko???
At least try to be consistent.
October 9th, 2021 at 9:48 AM ^
Can't go from Geico to gecko to some combination with the last name Frost. Scott Gecko?
Facts -> fax -> Fox -> Frost -> Scott Fox
October 9th, 2021 at 9:23 AM ^
The car fox originally comes from the commercial where a sales person tries to avoid providing a CaxFax - he “mishears” the request for a CarFax. It made some logical sense in a one off commercial. The fact that it became the mascot and has lasted 12+ years is insane. I too hate him.
https://youtu.be/6MW538g5j0c
October 9th, 2021 at 2:07 PM ^
Plus the fox clearly has no loyalty. It went from being the alternative to the legit Carfax to now representing the company.
Beat Nebraska.
October 9th, 2021 at 9:24 AM ^
LOL. Raj-- Carfax annoys me also. But it is no different than many teams having mascots that have no relation to their teams. What relations does Cincinnati's NFL team has with its Mascot? I put it on mute whenever those stupid commercials come on. Nice link to Scotty being a fraud.
I am so hoping you are right about your prediction. Nebraska has some good pieces but the only way Michigan is not winning big is if many things go wrong for Michigan. I hate waiting for a night game as my anxiety goes up. Go Blue!
October 9th, 2021 at 9:36 AM ^
Shound be an interesting one that's for sure. I could realistically see a bunch of different outcomes. Just hope Michigan comes to play, I still have some road game ptsd, last week helped though!
October 9th, 2021 at 10:07 AM ^
The weather will be perfect (75° and little wind). Let's hope that bodes well for our passing game which we will likely need to rely on.
October 9th, 2021 at 3:47 PM ^
I do too, but it's not for this game; granted I'm watching the game from the DVR, and Rutgers could come back in the second half, like they did against us, but at halftime the Spartans are looking dangerous at, well almost halftime...let's see Coach Schiano calls his second time out as he attempts to ice the kicker..I won't let you guys wait for the last time out COACH SCHIANO FAKES IT, MSU MISSES THE FG WITH ONE SECOND LEFT!!!
Still, the score is 21-13 Spartans, all points due to the long ball. Walker is looking like the real deal too; he's got 87 yards on 17 carries. We're going to have our hands full October 30th.
As for the Nebraska game, I like our chances.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:03 AM ^
By working closely with the Missouri Automobile Dealers Association, in 1986 he offered the early version Carfax vehicle history report to the dealer market. These reports were developed with a database of just 10,000 records and were distributed via fax machine.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:04 AM ^
I scream at the TV about the same Car Fox stupidity every time that commercial comes on! Now I know I’m not the only one, so I got that much going for me…
October 9th, 2021 at 10:57 AM ^
I bought my latest car at Fox Motors in Ann Arbor. Their mascot is a fax machine.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:08 AM ^
And here I would have assumed that fax was short for facsimile, like the fax machine. But what do I know about stupid TV commercials? I am just here for Scott Frost Day.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:33 AM ^
Exactly. I've heard that they are re-branding next year as CarTelegraph and their new mascot will be the CarTurtle (Maryland gets an NIL tie-in). Also, they will take down their web site and start sending all reports via actual facsimile machine.
October 9th, 2021 at 10:29 AM ^
Go Blue!
Boo this guy:
October 9th, 2021 at 10:31 AM ^
Or this one:
October 9th, 2021 at 11:13 AM ^
He looks like a hillbilly version of Phillip Seymour Hoffman (rip).
Also, what the literal fuck is that hat?
October 9th, 2021 at 11:42 AM ^
That hat is VERY Nebraska. Does it have the fish hook thing in it? Probably
October 9th, 2021 at 10:30 AM ^
Alright, whose idea was it to embed a most certainly laugh-riot Scott Frost Day Proclamation, complete with a seal and circles and arrows on the front with a description on the back...oops, I digressed...at such a low resolution that we can't actual read it??!!??
Do I have to go get the inside skinny from the dude on Counter Strike?
October 9th, 2021 at 10:45 AM ^
"Scott Fox" for the win!
M 35 N 18 Blake and AJ both score on Special Teams. Book it.
Go Blue!
October 9th, 2021 at 10:53 AM ^
Honestly, have no idea what to expect of this game...Bryan has nailed my feelings on this game.
Nebraska is a lot better than what their record says they are...but for a bunch of self inflicted errors, they should have at least 2 more wins on their resume.
Nebraska may very well be the toughest test Michigan has faced.
One thing I am still uncertain about is whether Michigan can actually stop a strong passing attack? I am not sure yet, because I don't think they've faced anyone that can pass.
Going to be a tight one score game...hoping Michigan is on the side with the bigger number tonight.
October 9th, 2021 at 12:44 PM ^
The thing is, self-inflicted errors are a feature of Scott Frost’s program, not a bug.
October 9th, 2021 at 5:38 PM ^
“One thing I am still uncertain about is whether Michigan can actually stop a strong passing attack? I am not sure yet, because I don't think they've faced anyone that can pass.”
Uuuummmmm…Eleby from WMU is the third rated passer in FBS. He’s not Tom Brady but he can, in fact, pass the football quite well
October 9th, 2021 at 8:45 PM ^
not sure where you are getting your stats from
The NCAA website lists him as having the 47th best passing efficiency in FBS
https://www.ncaa.com/stats/football/fbs/current/individual/8
October 9th, 2021 at 11:00 AM ^
Raj,
As your therapist, may I suggest a slightly different source of your ire
Though the transformation of “fax” to “fox” IS simpleminded and ALSO a lazy ripoff of the Geico gecko, your understandable irritation more likely stems from the annoying cartoon fox itself.
Trying to craft a cute character, the company only managed to create an obnoxious, smarmy one.
In other words—ie, your words—they created the ever annoying Scott Fox.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:01 AM ^
Sad Scott Frost Day.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:34 AM ^
The Carfax Car Fox never bothered me. Nor did the Geico Gecko.
But I want to strangle the Limu Emu.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:44 AM ^
Fuck that emu. I would like it to swallow a live grenade after the pin is pulled.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:35 AM ^
Car fox?! That's what gets your goat? Please! For sheer SEC/Big12, corn-pone, smug-humble-braggieness, nothing tops the multi-year awfulness of the Dr. Pepper ad campaign. Thank goodness they finally ditched that goober stadium sales guy! I like the soda; I'd like to fire their ad department into the sun.
Michigan 28 (the blackshirts are good, but they won't hold up)
Nebraska 14 (in a game of offensive futility punctuated by a couple of college crappe busts)
October 9th, 2021 at 11:45 AM ^
I hate the car Fox. But FYI I am old and the Fax is not about “facts”. It was based on a Fax machine where pre Internet they would Fax you the results of a used car request. Just saying
October 9th, 2021 at 2:45 PM ^
Originally a “fax” was a document’s “facsimile” copy.
October 9th, 2021 at 12:18 PM ^
One of my favorite columns of the week. Love it
October 9th, 2021 at 12:25 PM ^
I’ll be the guy. Carfax started out as carfax because it would send a facsimile report to confirm odometer and service records. Carfax is a play on fax machines, not facts.
October 9th, 2021 at 12:42 PM ^
Could not agree more about the Carfax/Fox madness.
October 9th, 2021 at 12:46 PM ^
All I know is my patience is done with that AFLAC duck. I hear that nasty duck screaming Aflac, as I cringe it causes a reflex to push the mute button. Go Blue as always and I'll take the good guys tonight Nebraski 20 Michigan 35.
October 9th, 2021 at 2:21 PM ^
Maybe Oklahoma ain’t that good given the hurt Texas is putting on the Sooners at this time? So Nebraska’s best loss is not that sparkly.
October 9th, 2021 at 2:24 PM ^
It's a shame that characters from insurance company television commercials have become such a part of the cultural zeitgeist, but they are ubiquitous so there it is.
Down: Flo, gecko
Up: Jake from State Farm, Progressive (?) ads in which the guy is trying to prevent people from turning into their parents--hilarious!
October 9th, 2021 at 5:42 PM ^
Extinct: caveman.
October 9th, 2021 at 7:14 PM ^
Still can’t believe they tried to make that a sitcom. Like, “cavemen living in the modern world” is not the WORST idea for a goofy sitcom, but the fact that somebody tried to turn insurance commercials into a sitcom is just batshit.
October 9th, 2021 at 3:39 PM ^
So. Time to fire Internet Raj.
October 9th, 2021 at 11:46 PM ^
I woke up feeling the cheesiest, coach!
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