The Story 2020: My Body Is Stupid
Previously: The Story 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008. Podcast 12.4A, 12.4B, 12.4C.
Sex Bob-omb/Beck, Threshold
A dozen years ago, some Canadians had a problem. They needed a song by a ragged three-piece garage band that could convincingly morph into a giant electric gorilla and defeat two EDM dragons. This is not a metaphor or exaggeration.
Having backed themselves into a corner, the folks putting together Scott Pilgrim vs The World did the only sensible thing left: they called Beck. Beck huddled up with one other dude and took a weekend:
On Friday night, Wright gave Beck a list of the scenes where his songs would be used and a short brief on the band. On Sunday evening, Beck sent them 24 songs on a CD. … “I couldn’t believe it. I vividly remember driving around with Nigel listening to the CD real loud,” says Wright. “It was Nigel’s idea to use the songs as is. He said, ‘If you want it to be authentic, like this band has been rehearsing it in their house, why would you make it more slick?"
They left various errors in,—correction, they forced the actors to learn the errors—turned the fuzz to maximum, and rolled with it. And it works.
You could shave that song and knit an expensive sweater from it. This is an OH LAWD HE COMIN song. Insofar as anything can be believable in context it is. It is the moment when you're at a show and one of the openers is an immediate YES. Once you look it up on Youtube it is extremely difficult not to play it over and over again. And then you read the comments? Why did I do that?
The Beck story is from a delightful retrospective on how the music in Scott Pilgrim, which stands up a lot better than the video game overlay, came to be. Every part of the music in this movie crushes it. Also a large part of it makes no sense, including the song I'm talking about. Look!
My body is stupid, stereo putrid
Spilling out music into raw sewage
Reaching my threshold
Staring at the truth 'till I'm blind
That don't make no sense at all. And yet.
[After THE JUMP: You see where I'm going with this.]
------------------------------------------------
This is going to be a dumb season.
Even at its most regimented and precise college football is our dumbest sport, ruled by error, comedy, and farce. Michigan already plays Maryland when they're down to an eighth grader and a can of paint that looks tough at quarterback.
come back little buddy, if you let me sack you I will put on Octonauts [Paul Sherman]
The outcome of the average Michigan-Penn State game can be determined in under five minutes. Indiana is an avant-garde art project that explores the nature of hope and the pain that arises from it. Nebraska spent the offseason complaining there was no season and then when things resumed they were furious that some teams already on their schedule were still on it. Iowa scored 55 points on Ohio State like three years ago.
Rutgers.
Now add the [gestures wildly and far too fucking expansively] … everything and you've got a recipe for college football except drunk. Drunker? Doesn't matter. People of earth, we are looking at a season that got cancelled and then uncancelled, with teams dropping in and out of practice as they attempt to box with coronavirus. The entire season is deep in the heart of sleet blizzard territory. At some point someone's going to screw up (not Ohio State) , get everyone infected (except Justin Fields), and the can of paint is going to be the starting left tackle (against Ohio State).
There are a few different ways to mine enjoyment from such an undertaking. I'm planning on a combination of all of them, adjusting levels as events dictate. I have included Youtube comments from Scott Pilgrim vs the World songs as appropriate. They are:
IRONIC NIHILISM. Life is pointless, so is sports, so let's dive right into this. Each three-and-out is a virtuoso symphony of black comedy. My soul has already flown from this plane, I am an empty husk that contains nothing but bitter chuckles. Heh.
NOSTALGIA FOR THE BEFORE TIMES. Even though this fight song is pre-recorded electronic disco, it reminds me of spending time with other people without worrying about the effects. That was nice. Eating cheesy potatoes underneath a canopy tent. The ritual of leaving at the precise time. Forgetting to charge your phone for the first game every year. I liked not having to think about the imminent end of democrac—THIS SECTION HAS BEEN TERMINATED FOR BEING TOO REAL
IRRATIONAL OPTIMISM ABOUT THE FUTURE. You see, that Joe Milton touchdown is the vaccine, man*.
BEATING MICHIGAN STATE'S ASS. Wot it says on the tin.
The world no longer makes much sense. That's true. It's not great, you know, overall. I haven't been watching the sports much for a variety of reasons. But I think I'm ready to turn on a Northwestern game. They will score no points and win in overtime. I'm ready to watch someone (not Michigan) beat Ohio State by a zillion points.
I'm ready for something to make no goddamn sense whatsoever because that's the way it's supposed to be. I'm ready for my stupid body to look at objectively unimportant things and have deep feelings about them, pending certain polling averages remaining approximately constant.
It's not going to be a normal thing. It will, at best, be an attempt at a normal thing. For college football that's something that is very dumb and very fun. I'm going to be furious when Michigan doesn't take advantage of some cornerbacks playing in the parking lot. Maybe there will be some evidence that Josh Gattis is maturing into his role as Please Be Beck Dammit. Perhaps among the wreckage we will find something fuzzy to nurture.
*[This is a bit of a cheat since it's from the "Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl" rip that's been up since 2013 but the Youtube comments section of this song is the last pure spot on the internet and I couldn't think of anything more irrationally optimistic than "this is a good youtube comments section." If you ruin it I will find you. ]
October 19th, 2020 at 12:43 PM ^
Lets GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
October 19th, 2020 at 12:47 PM ^
I'm addicted....
NEED MOAR CONTENT....
(furiously pressing F5.....again....again....again....again....)
October 19th, 2020 at 12:49 PM ^
This is a strange way to write an endorsement for Biden.
October 23rd, 2020 at 10:19 AM ^
This is the greatest post I have ever seen. :)
October 19th, 2020 at 12:55 PM ^
"Threshold" is fine, but Metric's "Black Sheep" is an absolute banger and the superior "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" song choice.
Edit: In retrospect, I should have Fuego Boxed this, or saved it for a hypothetical future appearance on the MGoPodcast.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:03 PM ^
They're both good songs, but I prefer "Threshold". Side note, Beck's version, which can be found on one version of the soundtrack, is (unsurprisingly) superior to the movie version.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:04 PM ^
Fun Fact: half of Metric is also in Broken Social Scene, who did the above-linked Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl, a song on which Metric's lead singer sang lead.
October 19th, 2020 at 12:59 PM ^
Speaking of incoherent lyrics, I spent the weekend watching Guns N Roses interviews on YouTube. With my bitch-slap rappin' and my cocaine tongue, I got nothing done. It will be nice to have Big 10 football back, even some bastardized version of it.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:43 PM ^
It's YOUR bitch-slap rappin and YOUR cocaine tongue. The song's not called "I Could Be Mine".
October 19th, 2020 at 2:03 PM ^
I know, I was applying the lyrics to my weekend.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:51 PM ^
Ahh, GNR... I remember when they won their first Grammy. They walked - wobbled - up to the podium still carrying their whiskey shots! And by 'carrying', I mean spilling... Drunk off their collective ass!
October 19th, 2020 at 1:01 PM ^
I just can't get myself to like Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Michael Cera is quite possibly the worst actor in the world and it pains me to watch him try to "act".
October 19th, 2020 at 1:05 PM ^
"Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" is good despite Michael Cera. The rest of the cast does all of the heavy lifting. As the Stereogum article notes, the cast list could carry about two and a half seasons of a "Before They Were Famous" revival.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:17 PM ^
I can agree with that.
I use Michael Cera's success as an actor as motivation. "If Michael Cera can be a successful actor, then I can be a successful [insert objective here]"
October 19th, 2020 at 2:33 PM ^
Mary Elizabeth Winstead is in it which is always a plus at least for me.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:40 PM ^
Agreed, I'm glad the era of Michael Cera playing the exact same part in every part he's given finally seems to be over.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:55 PM ^
I mean, I get that he is a little repetitive, but I think this is one of the best 1.5 minute stretches of a movie I have ever seen. I can never not crack up.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:06 PM ^
Is it because of Jonah Hill or Michael Cera?
October 19th, 2020 at 4:38 PM ^
Lmao the cameltail
October 19th, 2020 at 5:54 PM ^
Yay, football content!
That being said, I don't get the overwhelming Scott Pilgrim love, not just from Brian. I saw it in the theater, I liked it, I might even check it out for a bit if it's on when I'm flipping channels, but it's never been more to me then slightly above average movie, yet it has a very cultish fan base. Kind of like lovers of Starship Troopers. "It's a satire, man!". Yeah, I get it. Meh.
October 19th, 2020 at 8:32 PM ^
If it makes you feel any better, I'd never heard of it before this post. Nor do I know who any of these actors are they are referring to.
It's a good song though!
October 19th, 2020 at 1:03 PM ^
Please less:
1. Snark
2. Irony
3. Snarky Irony
4. Everybody who got COVID is a stupid redneck from the SEC
5. Everybody did not get COVID is all knowing and eternally virtuous
Please more:
1. College Football! Whoooo!
October 19th, 2020 at 1:10 PM ^
This might not be the right blog for you.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:13 PM ^
What?! I come here for the snark, and the irony, and the snarky irony I guess.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:07 PM ^
Someone with the username yossarians tree complaining about ironic snark makes me want to believe that this post is itself intended as ironic snark
October 19th, 2020 at 2:58 PM ^
That was my interpretation as well
October 19th, 2020 at 4:40 PM ^
4 and 5 are valid, my friend.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:05 PM ^
I couldn't make it through the movie but I'll admit I didn't pay close attention to the music.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:12 PM ^
I will say that, generally, while YouTube comments are a RCMB level cesspool, the comments for music videos are generally lovefests of positivity from nostalgic fans.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:23 PM ^
I recently learned from a YouTube comment section that Blood on the Tracks is the greatest album of all time. While I do like the album, I’m not sure I would go that far.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:13 PM ^
My body is both stupid and ready
October 19th, 2020 at 1:19 PM ^
Ah yes, Beck. His Midnite Vultures tour concert at Hill Auditorium was an other worldly experience. I'm anticipating a similar feelings for this upcoming season.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:23 PM ^
"It's not going to be a normal thing. It will, at best, be an attempt at a normal thing. "
2020, man. 20 fucking 20.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:31 PM ^
Josh Gattis WILL be our Beck, Joe Milton his opening (Shea doesn't count cuz he was at the golf course)
October 19th, 2020 at 1:33 PM ^
Youtube comments are typically miserable. But every now and then something emerges from the cesspool like a phoenix rising from Arizona.
After a clip of Walter attempting to deposit Donny's ashes in the Pacific only for the wind to scatter them on The Dude, one of the comments was "Even in death, Donny is out of his element."
October 19th, 2020 at 1:37 PM ^
Bleaching your teeth,
smile and flash,
talking trash,
under your breath.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:38 PM ^
It's cold already.
I came to terms with no season relatively easily. That's two or three Saturdays, minimum, that won't be severely hampered by some dumb or infuriating loss.
Or, so it was. Now the season is on again. Naturally, the Bad Things That Happen happen to us the most.
The upshot is that the annual irrational hope doesn't really exist, BUT unlike the late Hoke era you can hand-wave it away by considering all the unusual circumstances. So, theoretically, there is reason that we can have hope for some vague time in the future.
Ah well. It won't be the same. But at some point we'll find a brilliant pass play design to geek out about or a bad ref call to gripe about and life will feel normal.
Break's over. Football is coming.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:47 PM ^
I hope that Milton is the real deal, he will pull as appropriate on the zone read, and that Speed In Space (tm) is not Lucy holding the football for us to try and kick.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:41 PM ^
Scott Pilgrim is a great movie. That is all.
October 19th, 2020 at 1:48 PM ^
Time to rip the face off this mother. Gotdang I'm excited.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:00 PM ^
Ah. A Brian riff on weirdness and abnormality. It's good to get back to normal.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:02 PM ^
Here's the forecast for the week before the first game of the season. Insert shrug emoji.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:17 PM ^
Does COVID attach to snowflakes because the Dakotas are marinating in it right now and those flakes will be traveling through that sauce and landing in Minnesota.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:20 PM ^
Because I haven't a clue as to which indie YouTube song I should start scrolling the comments of in search of -- what exactly . . . innocence? -- I made good use of my time by reading back issues of "The Story."
Only got as far as 2018 before this line stopped me in my metaphorical tracks:
It was just a matter of time before one of these institutions killed somebody. Anyway, football!
The context was the death of UMD's Jordan McNair, as well as a grade-fixing scandal at Rutgers. Unconnected then -- though less so now -- was a bit on the pureness of Iowa's approach to college football.
Not going to bother with the YouTube comments on it, but the line from what amounts to a so-much-less-hip version of "Anthems . . ." (if only just for the wistful repetition trope) just popped into my head:
It was long ago and it was far away
And it was so much better that it is today (Rep. 7x)
October 19th, 2020 at 2:40 PM ^
This is what I came here for today. MOAR please.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:46 PM ^
I don't care if it's during Covid, an interim HC, or an apocalypse. I just want to beat OSU, but alas.
October 19th, 2020 at 2:46 PM ^
I listen to the soundtrack to Scott Pilgrim on a a regular basis. It's pretty great fake punk rock. The movie was a lot of fun too. If this season is half as good as that movie/soundtrack I'll be happy.
October 19th, 2020 at 3:59 PM ^
This is the beginning of the song.
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