OT: Snip Snip
On Friday, I have a preoperative appointment at the University of Michigan for my vasectomy. Soon I will officially be unable to produce little Brutuses for the rest of my existence. I always figured this would be a liberating experience, but as it turns out, as the date approaches, I am developing many fears and anxieties. Dr. Brutus has been very supportive and has assured me that she won't make me go through with it if I don't want to, but I know it's the right thing for our family. But that doesn't change the fact that destroying my evolutionary drive to pass on my DNA is beginning to feel like a big mistake. I think this might be what inmates on death row feel I the final weeks leading up to their execution.
My question for the board, particularly those who have had the snip: is there life after a vasectomy? Has anyone experienced some sort of buyer's remorse after taking that final step? I want to know that this is the right decision.
Apparently the week of Rounds 1 and 2 sees up to a 50% increase in the rate of vasectomies. One of my favorite stats.
Just make sure you and the wife/partner are sure about it so you don't have to go snip snap snip snap snip snap. You have no idea the physical toll that 3 vasectomies have on a person.
I'd be afraid of the kids I might spawn after #2.
My wife and I have four children, and our last pregnancy was twins. About 2 years after having the twins, I proceeded with a vasectomy. I figured that four children was a lot in the modern world, and we figured that if we had the urge to have more children that we could adopt. Yes, there was still a psychological challenge about the definitive nature of the decision. I felt a sense of loss for a few days surrounding the procedure. However, being several years removed from the decision, I think it was a very sound one. We have found that having four children is indeed a very demanding challenge that is stretching us in many ways. Of course, every child is a blessing, and if we inadvertently have another child after vasectomy, we would rejoice and adapt. ( looking less and less likely over six years removed from surgery.) I think the realization that having a lot of children is increasingly difficult as society changes has given me peace with the decision.
Whether you have a worldview that is strictly naturalistic devoid of deity or if you are a Bible-believing Christian, or anywhere in between, there is something unsettling about sterilizing yourself. However, making a well-researched and rational decision that you can live with will help you overcome the normal anxieties leading up to the procedure. Best wishes EYB!
Great info. I have four also, and my twins are almost 3 months old (well, five children, but one is in Heaven). My wife could - and probably would die if she gets pregnant again, and she can't take birth control, so this is pretty much the last option.
I'm absolutely a person of faith. My "evolutionary" comment was more tongue in cheek, so I believe this is the right thing to do. I truly appreciate your thoughts!
I have no children and have never been snipped, so maybe I have no right to comment.
But trying to put myself in your shoes, I can understand your hesitance to stop your procreative abilities. I get it as much as a non-parent can. But this sentence you wrote - "My wife could - and probably would die if she gets pregnant again" - smacked me right in the face.
So if it were me, I'd concentrate on that sentence. I don't know you or your wife, of course, but from what you've written, she sounds like a really good one. And they're rare. So I guess I'd try to remember that my surgery is helping to protect the life of my wife and the mother of our four children. That's the most important point.
As an aside - so very sorry for the loss of your child.
Sam, I cannot think of a more compelling reason to proceed either. My condolences on the loss of your child EYB - I am glad you have the comfort that faith provides with such a tragedy.
Bodog, in terms of societal changes, here are merely two that make parenting larger families more of a challenge as time moves forward:
-the rapidly increasing expense of raising and educating children through college
-the proliferation of dangerous and damaging social media influences that are very difficult to control
It made me sad for you and your family that you have a child in Heaven.
March 25th, 2019 at 10:13 PM ^
If your wife's health is in question, this is a 100% no-brainer in my opinion.
FWIW I can't share a personal side of this. Our last three kids were C-Sections, and with the last one we knew we were going to be done, so we elected tubal ligation.
March 25th, 2019 at 10:29 PM ^
I hear ya. We were offered that the day of the last c section, but we were both in such a state of shock and emotional turmoil given the circumstances that we weren't ready to make that decision. And it wasn't until after the surgery that my wife's OB walked into recovery and told my wife that she shouldn't touch me until I got snipped. Lol. Basically based on what she saw in the surgery, we are lucky she survived the last pregnancy, but we may not be so lucky the next time.
March 25th, 2019 at 10:38 PM ^
Nothing wrong with that. Given what you two have been through, every moment of her last pregnancy must have been stressful-to-terrifying. Really thankful things went well. But making big decisions with everything that is going on is not wise.
How's the family doing now?
March 25th, 2019 at 11:31 PM ^
Doing great. The older boys are so excited to have their baby siblings. The older one wanted a boy and the younger one wanted a girl so they each got their wish.
March 25th, 2019 at 10:55 PM ^
Very weird double post
I'm in my early 30s, and we have 4 kids also, with the oldest being identical twin boys and the youngest a year old. My wife had to have an emergency C-section with the twins since they were about 5 weeks early. No local hospitals do VBACs, so the next two deliveries were C-section also. She developed rheumatoid arthritis after the twin's birth and I didn't want to add any more strain to her already strained body, so we decided on a vasectomy. I'm scheduled for my pre-op visit this Friday also. We both would love to have more children, but there's no way I'm putting her through the physical struggles that are caused from carrying a baby, delivering a baby and having to recover from surgery. In the long run, we are just happy to have the opportunity to raise children, as not all that want to are able to.
I'm interested to know what you mean by the "society changes" comment
I'm with you Indy Pete - I have two wonderful kids and I decided after #2 that I definitely didn't want to have any more as the two I had were all I could handle...despite being relatively easy kids. However, even with the knowledge that I didn't want to have additional children, I still felt a sense of loss after the procedure. It went away relatively quickly and I'm very happy I did it. Birth control for the wife was not ideal for many reasons and we feel great knowing there's no chance of an "oops". Piece of mind here is amazing for our relationship.
Had mine done 6 years ago after kid #3 - who was a surprise. No problems at all, everything is great, especially the freedom!
I can only imagine someone having remorse if they aren’t sure they’re done having kids yet. If that’s the case you probably should wait. If you’re done, snip away!
If you're not sure, don't go through with an irreversible decision. However understand that cold feet are a thing and it could pass.
Personally I have never considered a vasectomy and never would. But that is just me, and I understand it benefits many.
Edit: from the replies it seems this is reversible? It demonstrates how much I have not even thought about it. I'll modify my point to say if you're not sure, you may want to hold off.
My doc went to OSU. Thankfully he didn't miss.
Did you know that before the surgery, and if so, you still went through with it??? Are you certain he did snip you???
March 25th, 2019 at 10:18 PM ^
Yeah, I knew. I figured he knew his way around the old crossing route.
He also looked like Val Kilmer and was a big fan of Kings of Leon. Funny the things you focus on when "vulnerable."
I just had mine Wednesday. My second thoughts mostly came the day before and of the procedure. I just reminded myself that over the last few years I had 100 reasons for wanting just 2 kids. As for now 5 days later, my right nut hurts like hell and feels like it's getting grabbed with a medium-strength squeeze :-/
Yeah, the bowling balls in your scrotum...not a lot of fun. But it doesn’t last long.
I don’t really care all that much for myself and my awesome DNA and the planet is way overpopulated, with Americans being the worst offenders in terms of energy use and garbage accumulation per capita, so I see no reason not to do it.
Also, I had it done and it’s quick, easy, and takes all the worry out of contraception for the rest of your life.
in short, it’s the best decision you or anyone else could make as long as you’re done having kids.
I love it. The wife was able to go off The Pill, which is good because it is a health risk. And after about 2-3 weeks you’re ready to go “back to business”. But remember- and this is critical - you will still be shooting live fire for at least a few weeks afterward. MAKE SURE YOU GET YOUR STUFF TESTED BEFORE YOU GO WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL!!
A lot of people say their snip didn’t work...99.9% of the time it’s because they thought they were firing blanks from day one. You have to “bleed them out” if you will.
I am actually pretty glad to see this posted.
33 years old, do not want to have any kids. I know it would be life-changing and all that, but I just never had the drive to be a father, I see how it basically eats up your freedom, and it's not for me.
So, I am pretty confident I am getting it done by the end of this year.
Had it done at 35 as a single guy. Zero regrets!
Obviously, yes, there's life after vasectomy, and actually it's nice not to have to worry about birth control. Assuming that your lifestyle otherwise permits it, there are some things that are nice to not have to mess with.
No buyer's remorse, though my parents were a bit upset.
No one can tell you whether it's the right decision. Just make a decision and decide that it's the right one for you.
I appreciate the seriousness of your existential crisis, but I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say it doesn’t really compare in any meaningful way to what an inmate on death row feels. Sorry.
It was one of the biggest nothings I have ever experienced.
One year ago
I just had it done around a year ago, I remember watching March madness while waiting for the OR be be ready. For me and my wife it was right decision, as she had a traumatic birth for our twins.
Sexually it had no effect at all, just make sure you use protection for whatever amount of time your doctor tells you to use protection for. My doctor said most of the "failed" procedures aren't actual fails but rather guys jumping the gun a little too fast.
The actual procedure is very weird. You are just laying there with your dick and balls out for everyone in the room to see. I will say my doctor was great and kept me talking about normal life stuff for the most part (my occupation, March madness, the school, etc...)
wife and i had this talk 15+ years ago, after #3 was in the house. i said 'let's wait' on any decision about it. so grateful we waited. can't imagine the world without our other (younger) children.
children are a blessing. debt is a curse. however, as a society we do all we can to prevent children, and yet chase after ever-higher levels of debt in all phases of life: homes, cars, schools, even cosmetic surgeries. maybe the priorities there aren't what they should be.
one huge qualifier though would be the health of mrs. EYB re: pregnancy. if that is an issue then the decision matrix is probably different.
Solid wisdom as always, XM
maybe read ps 127 and talk with mrs. EYB.
i think some of these things that we think we control, well, they have a way of working themselves out.
EDIT: just saw a post of yours up-thread re: mrs. EYB and pregnancy. so, yeah, that's a different deal. maybe turn to adoption if you and mrs. EYB have a heart for that in the coming years? you know, you dexter duck farmers are going to need a lot of hands on help to manage all the ducks. and soon, chickens. and then goats. then sheep. and cows. and pigs, and who knows what else.
Interesting you should say that. We've talked about adoption since the beginning and we are definitely open to it now. There is definitely a need for it.
And yes we could use help on the farm, lol. Although there is a possibility that Texas is in our near future so it may be more like a ranch.
March 25th, 2019 at 10:19 PM ^
While we have no plans for more, if we were to want more, adoption would be the way we'd go. Helps address the idea that there's finality in this to us.
March 25th, 2019 at 11:05 PM ^
Priorities definitely aren't what they should be in a globally capitalistic society where the majority of billionaires profit off of debt and then basically write the laws with votes from people who are definitely not getting vasectomies anytime soon.
That comment may seem political (as if anything is apolitical), but your comment reads like a false binary. I have two children that I love. I also have had to be in debt in order to be in a supportive place. There are few people relatively that are able to sustain a comfortable lifestyle who don't have to take on at least some debt, and it's getting worse.
I have solutions I could go into but this isn't the site.
March 26th, 2019 at 12:27 AM ^
“We” hardly do all we can to prevent children. Nor do most people chase debt. But, sure, whatever folksy-wisdom sounding shit works.
Had mine done three months ago after two kids. Glad to have had it done. The freedom feels great
However, you’re still getting a needle to the balls for the numbing agent. And it feels exactly like it sounds. Then it’s a week or two of soreness. Be prepared for a little blood the first couple of times you jack off. Doesn’t happen to everyone but the doc said it was normal. Freaked me out but it eventually went away.
Cheers and good luck.
This is enough to make me not want to go through with it at all
So, I'll be waiting for the wife to hit menopause.
I will echo the positive comments.
My youngest is 14. The vasectomy happened so long ago I don’t even remember when it was. After a few days, I felt fine. I will say for about a year after, I had some lingering (physical) feelings like, “is everything ok down there?” But I think that was more psychosomatic than anything else.
Upshot has been zero fear and zero hassle ever since. Sexual life after has not had any repercussions. No regrets and very happy with the decision.
It did take a bit of a psychological toll. It did get inside my head a bit and I felt a sense of loss. But I got over that. I got mine done in my late 30’s and am now in my mid-40’s. Basically needed MGOWIFE to survive a 7 year stretch so I wouldn’t be put in the position to set up another franchise. She managed. And yes, get tested. And yes, you have to flush the pipes to clear out the hangers-on. I think my doctor said I needed something like 15, um, ‘cycles’ to empty the yank...I mean tank.
Yes, my nurse (or nurse’s assistant) AND female doctor were uncomfortably attractive for what they were about to do to me, but they had given me a couple Valiums prior and I was floaty anyway. ICE IS YOUR FRIEND.
I've always kinda wondered about the sense of loss. Wife had a preventative double mastectomy and it was really difficult for her psychologically. Getting the snip seems similar but in less of a physical sense.
I haven't had one but I would imagine there'd be a lot more unprotected sex. That's one benefit.
1 - It didn't fix my marriage issues. Wasn't like Antarctica thawed just because there wouldn't be any more surprise penguins.
2 - things feel different "down there" from that point.
"
Not just on the inside. Loss of sensation where they cut you.
3 - Depending on procedure specifics, you may get to smell your own flesh smoldering. There are potential complications - A buddy in A2 had to have the pipes cleared out on a follow up .
4 - If I had a do over, I would stick with condoms over extra babies or surgical intervention. YMMV.
Not having more kids when it's time to stop is a wise choice. Good luck with whatever route you take to implement it.
I had it done 19 years ago when I was 32. Definitely no remorse. Procedure and recovery was a breeze. My only concern was performance after. That first time was really important. But it all still worked and all was good. Not necessarily liberating for me. More like comfort. I knew I didn’t want any more children. Why worry about accidents?
Enjoy your two days of being waited on.
Never getting that done. I always want the ability to impregnate a woman if I so choose.
Um. Does the woman have a say?
My wife had to bring me there, sign paperwork and agree to have it done. They would not so it otherwise. So lady has a Huge say in the matter.