Signing of the Stars ticket giveaway! [WINNER ANNOUNCED]

So, I have an extra pair of tickets to the Signing of the Stars event on Wednesday. They're free to a good home...but there's a catch.

In order to win them, you will need to come up with the best name for Brian Cook's new offspring. Though we as an Internet fanbase may not have naming rights, let's pretend we do. Because, let's be honest, there are some fabulously hilarious minds here. Make it great!

CRITERIA:

1. Your entry must be in this thread, submitted by 12pm TODAY (Friday 1/29)
2. You must be able to attend the SOTS on Wednesday. Don't let them go to waste!
3. Your entry must be awesome.
4. Winner will be announced in the thread today at 2pm.
5. You must be able to meet me in A2 TODAY (around 5-530) to retrieve the tickets.
6. I will work out the logistics with the winning party after 2pm.

Good luck and happy naming!

EDIT: Winner has been chosen! It's u/CollegeFootball13 for his entry of Ufer Fielding Robinson Cook...UFR for short. Email me at fabfiver5 [at] gmail to score your tickets, or a runner-up will be chosen.