OT: The hilarious Joe Burrow Tiny Hands drama
I am getting a huge kick out of these multiple sports page articles about "Joe Burrow's tiny hands". Here is one from ESPN sort of lampooning the topic itself:
Joe's tweet was awesome: "Considering retirement after I was informed the football will be slipping out of my tiny hands. Please keep me in your thoughts." Good sense of humor and a terrific player.
Burrow's hands measured 9 inches from tip of thumb to tip of pinkie. The article above even uses "miniscule" to describe this measurement. Just stretch your hand across a tape measure to get your own measurement.
I feel the need to relate all this to ordinary non-athlete people. I'll relate it to me.
About the only thing Joe Burrow and I share is size. He lists as 6'4" and 216 lbs. I too claim 6'4" , and 20 years ago was about Joe's weight. Being a big, sturdy guy myself, I found these dimensions to be very useful in my own athletic pursuits. The NFL is different, of course, but a big dude is a big dude. I have told the story on here before of being mistaken for Drew Henson in a Manhattan bar. While there is a slight resemblance, when the guy was apologizing he insisted it was my size that had him fooled.
MGoFolks, my hands are ENORMOUS. I actively wish they were smaller, as certain dainty tasks are virtually impossible. Some every day examples:
- I have been able to palm a basketball since I was 15, before my body reached this size. I could still easily do it today if I tried. Either hand.
- Gloves - anything smaller than an XL is hopeless. Many XLs are still too tight to wear.
- Before golf glove technology improved the last 5-10 years (more elastic) I would regularly blow out XL golf gloves. They would rip across the palm, a half dozen or so per season.
- If anyone out there does kettle bell workouts - I can't fit both hands inside the handle. I have to hang my pinkies out, or overlap some fingers. The trainers at the gym think its the weirdest thing. They just don't fit.
- I had to make hospital visits to a family member in a "gown and glove" ICU environment. We ended up getting the okay to buy and bring my own box because I kept blowing out the ones provided.
I've never had a reason to measure my hands, until these ridiculous articles came out. Dying of curiosity, I went downstairs for the tape measure after dropping my kids at school this morning.
9 and one quarter inches from tip of thumb to tip of pinkie. My enormous hands have 1/4 inch on Joey Burrow's tiny miniscule hands. 1/4 inch. Apparently this puts me on par with Pat Mahomes who's hands were also considered small. I guarantee Burrow can palm a basketball.
Joe Burrow has enormous hands that won't be a factor in his NFL career. And sportswriters are ridiculous. Apparently scouts too. Enjoy your day.
February 26th, 2020 at 3:38 PM ^
I too have large hands, but they sound slightly smaller than yours. However, if I stretch my hands on a ruler it measures 10-1/4 from tip of thumb to tip of pinky. Are there different ways to measure hand size?
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
Carney Folk.
February 26th, 2020 at 1:19 PM ^
Circus folk. Nomads, you know? Smell like cabbage.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
Carney Folk.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
Carney folk.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:49 AM ^
We got it
February 26th, 2020 at 11:51 AM ^
Did you say Carnee Foke?
February 26th, 2020 at 11:57 AM ^
Lol. Now im wondering if burrow smells like cabbage.
February 26th, 2020 at 12:34 PM ^
Nomads, you know
February 26th, 2020 at 2:02 PM ^
Smell like cabbage.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
If he had big hands and smelled like cabbage then I could see the problem, but this seems like a non-issue to me
February 26th, 2020 at 10:00 AM ^
I think it's obvious small hands means he has a small penis and no QB with a small penis has ever won the Super Bowl.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:10 AM ^
Do you have independent verification of these claims?
February 26th, 2020 at 10:57 AM ^
This seems like a good place to enlighten the readership:
https://www.webmd.com/men/news/20110705/study-penis-size-linked-to-length-of-fingers
February 26th, 2020 at 11:06 AM ^
The length of the index and ring fingers of the right hand were measured prior to surgery, and flaccid and stretched penile lengths were measured while the participant was under anesthesia.
What a job.
February 26th, 2020 at 11:37 AM ^
Wow! I learn so much reading this blog...
Thanks for fixing my embarrassment over my tiny index finger.
February 26th, 2020 at 12:13 PM ^
Username may or may not check out.
February 26th, 2020 at 12:19 PM ^
If the results of that study mean anything, then maybe Burrow would be wise to invest in a few of the products advertised on poonhub, maybe they might increase his hand size by up to 3"
February 26th, 2020 at 4:58 PM ^
That's not what your mom told me
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
I wonder how big Andre the Giant's hands were.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:15 AM ^
Internet says 16 inches
February 26th, 2020 at 9:25 AM ^
Hi Joe!
February 26th, 2020 at 9:27 AM ^
If anything, I would be Fat Old Joe.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:26 AM ^
Scouts strategically leak things in every draft for one reason or another. It's part of the fun. I suppose that I would feel differently if I was Joe Burrow. But then, it's probably ok to be Joe Burrow right now.
February 26th, 2020 at 12:22 PM ^
I'd go so far as to say it's probably been OK being Joe Burrow for quite some time, I imagine the past year was particularly OK for him.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:29 AM ^
I still haven't gotten over the disappointment of the last time I used a tape measure. You won't trick me this time too.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:11 AM ^
Hands, DogTown. Hands.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:29 AM ^
We have similar sized hands and I’ve managed to scratch out a living in spite of my glaring handicap.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:34 AM ^
Just measured my hands and they're 9 1/2 but I can't say that I've ever had all that much trouble getting gloves to fit or anything. Don't use kettle bells or golf so I have no idea there.
Trying to do stuff like braid daughter's hair or even put it in a ponytail is ridiculous though.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:52 AM ^
I always thought I had average size hands (for a 6 footer), and they're 9" 1/4 as well. Not sure if the OP measured his hands incorrectly (or maybe I did), but I do not have the issues he has and can barely palm a basketball.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:12 AM ^
Mine are "frying pan hands". It may be the palm that's the problem in my case.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:29 AM ^
Yep ... I'm 9" from thumb to tip of pinkie, but for me the fingers are long compared to my palms. My hands don't look especially big, but my fingers do look long and skinny.
In my prime (40+ years ago) I could barely palm a basketball, and I could barely touch the rim.
February 26th, 2020 at 11:02 AM ^
i'm not smart or articulate enough to say this nicely, but these hand sizes are like mice.
February 26th, 2020 at 11:05 AM ^
I'm the same - 6'1", just measured my hands at 9 1/2 inches, and I can palm a basketball, but barely.
February 26th, 2020 at 12:17 PM ^
Just measured mine out of sheer curiosity. Not at all what I was expecting considering I'm barely above average height at 6', and my fingers look a bit short compared to my palms, but I clocked in at 9 5/8" using the tip of thumb to tip of pinky criteria. I've been able to pretty easily palm a basketball since high school if I grip it on the seams. I'll just stuff this away in the not-at-all-useful-knowledge area of my memory.
February 26th, 2020 at 6:20 PM ^
I'm exactly the same, Rockin - just shy of 6'1, hands 9 5/8". Large palms, relatively short-ish fingers.
Could barely palm a full-size fully inflated ball - to my endless frustration.
Seems to me Burrow's hands are indeed small for his height. Most QB's have enormous mitts.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:34 AM ^
I have Burger King hands, it's been a while but I think most will get the reference!
February 26th, 2020 at 9:45 AM ^
i'll admit it, i just measured my hand.
and yeah, kudos for burrow and his good humor. the guy will do great in the pros.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:47 AM ^
I'm 6'1 and my hands are 8 3/4", but I also have a double-jointed hitchhikers thumb on both hands...not sure how much that costs me.
The REAL hilarious thing is MrsKoolAid (former women's college vball player) who has hands that are slightly bigger than mine. Not sure if she can palm a basketball, but I've definitely seen her palm a volleyball on many occasions. I always jeer whenever she blocks a guy at the net when we play in tournaments together - girl is supremely gifted from an athletic perspective.
February 26th, 2020 at 1:01 PM ^
The downside, is that must cause the opposite effect of having your unit look so big in the hands of a midget.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:49 AM ^
Obligatory.
February 26th, 2020 at 9:56 AM ^
Funny thing: I measured my hand yesterday to see what was the big deal. 9-1/4”. I was like, I can do better than that and did a couple hand stretches and it measured 9-1/2” the second time. So, it seemed the more you stretch the hand and the closer the palm is to flat on the table, the larger the measurement. So, the whole thing seems non-scientific and overblown.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:03 AM ^
i just measured my hand on a 8/5 x 11 inch piece of paper, lengthwise... maybe 1.5 inches shorter, from pinkie to thumb, when stretched out, so 9.5 inches... this cannot be. I'm 5'11 and dont have large hands....
i digress... i lived in the dorms with Erik Knuth, the DL... he had by far the largest hands i've ever seen.
February 26th, 2020 at 1:12 PM ^
Apropos of nothing, he and I grew up on adjacent blocks (he was a couple years behind me in school). My miniscule hands delivered their morning paper.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:25 AM ^
Something doesn't seem right! My hands measure 9" from tip of pinkie to tip of thumb. I am no way near Burrow's height or weight or age or athletic capacity or fame or earning potential or number of NCAA championships. You get the point.
February 26th, 2020 at 10:27 AM ^
I am 5'10 and wear size medium golf gloves for comparison. I just measured my thumb to pinky stretch. 8.75"
IMO I have short fingers. So maybe my hands can stretch wider?
I wonder how many QBs regularly do "piano stretching exercises" just to get their numbers up
February 26th, 2020 at 10:47 AM ^
Prior to today, if somebody asked me "What would a well done blog post on your hand size look like," I would have no idea. And would have slowly backed away from the random drunk dude at the bar. But now I know. This post is really the gold standard.