OT: Handling sobriety
This should be an interesting topic for this board, let's see how this goes... Also a little bit long so don't read if this doesn't pertain to you.
Today is 21 days of sobriety for me. I'm not sure what to do next.
Let me give some background to explain. I'm a stable adult male, married, offspring, great career, good estate, house/cars/retirement plan, no real debt to my name other than mortgage. Just got back from a lovely (and sober) vacation. I'm living a pretty good and fulfilling life.
I'm 36, almost 37, and admittingly I still like to party (responsibly of course) but I like my whiskey, wine, beer, and my recreational pot maybe a little bit too much. I'm also heavily addicted to caffeine. As far as alcohol consumption I'm still what would be considered a binge drinker (but not like a college kid). My wife an I like to host parties at our house, where there will be some heavy drinking, cannabis usage, good food, and good friends. I don't drink alcohol outside of a social setting other than maybe a glass of whiskey here and there at night with the wife while we watch a show. I do however smoke cannabis regularly, about once a day - normally when I'm outside working on the lawn/garden/pool/whatever because cannabis and the outdoors for me are a match. And also like to smoke at night as a day-cap. I've never had a problem with drugs or alcohol with the law, or even with personal settings other than the occasional hangover from too good a time.
Normally I did Sober October because I felt like it was good for me. Nice to have a break, and it was cliche and fine. But my love for college football, and the fall in general really made Sober October difficult. But I made it because I could tell myself "it's just October, you'll do, it you'll make it, and then have all of November, and then the holidays, etc..."
But now I'm randomly sober and it's quite conflicting. There are no forces pushing or pulling me either way, just me knowing that if I have a drink or a smoke, that counter goes back to 0. A part of me is fine with that, but for the first time in my life, I think a bigger part of me is telling me "don't start over, keep that counter ticking". I just feel like, if that's my only motivation that I will relapse eventually and I don't want to regret it.
This is a weird topic for me. Again, I don't feel like I have a problem, neither does my doctor/family/friends or the law. At this point I don't want to quit, quitting either. What motivates someone to stay sober if the only reason is sobriety itself?
I bring this topic up because tbh idk who else to talk to about it tbh... I don't feel like I belong in an AA or a NA, but truly finding someone to talk to about it that could relate may be nice?
Sorry for the ramblings... But what are the thoughts of the board? Experiences? Ideas?
August 25th, 2022 at 12:07 AM ^
Great post OP. That takes courage. There are some great posts on this thread. I wanted to add a bit of my story.
I am 45 and quit drinking 6 years ago after a DUI and nearly destroying my life by drinking too much (mainly on weekends). I had to go to AA as part of probation. It took me a long time to get over my many issues with it. I still don’t always feel like I belong when I am at meetings, but there are a few things that I have gotten out of it that have helped. One of them is actually embracing relinquishing free will. It took me a long time to get to it. but admitting that I was powerless over alcohol was so amazingly freeing. It really opened the door to the rest of my recovery. After gaining that insight I was able to gradually move away from the obsessive thoughts and negative consequences that were part of my life for so long.
My life is far from perfect, but over the past 6 years my life has improved gradually, but immensely. A few highlights: lost 50+ pounds, ran 6 marathons, purchased second home, stayed at the same job, financially successful, and most importantly I became a much better father and husband. And it feels damn good to wake up sober. A bad weekend morning for me is still way better than waking up hungover and confused.
I still have the occasional thought about a drink, but not the urge. There are just too many good things happening in my life to indulge that momentary selfish thought. Also, as I said above, I dont make that decision anymore, it has already been made for me. By admitting powerlessness I put that decision out of my control. That keeps me sober. One day at a time.
I hope you find peace and happiness.
August 25th, 2022 at 12:34 AM ^
I would think that beholding yourself to an arbitrary day count will eventually be unfulfilling. Is there a difference between 103 and 104? 1003 and 1004? However, if you set up a goal to get to at least 7 or 14 days between days that you drink or smoke or whatever, you may be able to easily achieve that goal for the rest of your life. Or even 3-4 days.
I think the best way to pass through life involves finding healthy ways to not be afraid of the world's options, but at the same time to have a general handle on yourself. Forcing yourself to withhold something permanently is a recipe for failure. Encouraging yourself to take real, noticable and easy control over your vices is part of being a grown ass woman or man.
With will power, you can choose to do almost anything. You can even sacrifice yourself to self control. Use that big human brain and find the best of all worlds. Good luck and tell us how you're doing regularly, people here care.
August 26th, 2022 at 1:08 PM ^
Apologies if this was mentioned and I missed it. Alcoholism is a progressive disease -- no one starts out in the gutter. If you notice changes (your consumption, how it effects you), that's a sign.
Take anything you can use from this and leave the rest:
I'm sober for 25 years and don't miss booze at all. There was a time I truly couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. Now, I wouldn't go back to that life for all the money in the world.
It's okay to quit while you're ahead. I had a high bottom but there's no doubt I'm 100 percent an alcoholic. (My family also includes some heavy drinkers who absolutely are not alcoholics.)
If you decide to stay quit, do whatever works. I sobered up outside of AA but respect the program. Reading about the physiology as well as other people's experiences helped me.
I remain interested in the concurrent realities of, on the one hand, "cunning, baffling, powerful" and on the other, "Doc, it hurts when I go like this."
I don't miss the hangovers or the expense.
Best of luck to you and if you want to brainstorm, I'm happy to try to help.