Time to finish the Battle of Toledo
Maybe it is time to finish the battle of Toledo!
For those of the uninitiated or unaware of why our rivalry with Ohio State is so intense; the rivalry existed prior to the creation of football. Seeds of animosity between our two states were planted as early as 1787. The results of the Congress of the Confederation created what was known as the Northwest Territory. The Northwest Territory comprised of what is today Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and our beloved Michigan.
In 1802 due to the economic significance of the Port of Miami (not that Miami) and the Maumee River, the delegates of the Ohio Constitutional Convention deliberated on the northern border of Ohio. If the extension of the border was even from east-to-west using the southern tip of Lake Michigan as a marker then what would become Toledo did not belong to Ohio (we had claim to it). To counteract reports and guarantee that Maumee be established as a part of Ohio delegates voted on a provision that added the watershed into the northern border. The creation of the Erie Canal also added to the prosperity of Toledo.
Michigan assembled a militia of 1,000 strong and the conflict intensified to the point that the scoundrel President Andrew Jackson was involved in order to protect Ohio’s interests. Yes, we ended up benefitting with our admission into the union and a compromise that granted the Toledo strip to Ohio and us the Upper Peninsula but our conflict has remained unsettled and lives on in this football contest.
If football matchups transcend integrity and decency from the Ohio perspective then maybe it is time we up the ante and remind them that the only reason that the state exists is because Michigan entered a compromise. Ohio can’t rely on others to protect them from their unethical practices forever. Whether it is stacking a claim to Toledo and as far north as the Detroit River (I kid you not) or shielding a wife-beater; this filth must eventually be purged. To arms!
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:12 PM ^
They can absolutely, 100% keep Toledo.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:14 PM ^
HAHAHA!
I am still bitter over this decision. Forgot to add how the Big 10 gifted Ohio State a trip to the 1974 Rose Bowl against established practice. Could include the 2016 crock of a contest as well.
The Buckeyes have long since developed a history of outside interference to aid them. What President of a University passes off disciplinary action of a head coach in an ethical issue to the Board of Trustees?
I am certain we could take them!
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:07 PM ^
That 2016 game was the biggest reffing travesty of injustice in football history. We will by 17 with fair refs. We still win with really bad refs.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:56 PM ^
Do you want some cheese with your whine? 2 - 15 in the last 17 years.
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:07 PM ^
Eat a bag of dicks, you fucking bitch. I’ll bet you can’t even name ten players on OSU. I’ll also bet you started watching OSU football just 6 or 7 years ago, which means no one takes your fandom seriously. Oh, by the way, you support a coach who is fine with a coach’s wife getting her ass kicked. Real nice guy of a coach you got there. Piss off.
August 24th, 2018 at 8:14 AM ^
don't feed the troll...
As hard as it is to ignore, I think we, as a community, are better off when we ignore the idiots...
love,
jdon
August 24th, 2018 at 8:31 AM ^
Only thing I feed trolls are downvotes, is that okay?
August 24th, 2018 at 10:34 PM ^
Your so wrong, I've been a die hard Buckeye fan my entire life, for 30 years. My first game I went to was probably mid to late 80's. It's when OSU had turf, it's when Alonzo Spellmen played. Tito Paul, Buster Tillman, Damon Moore, Big Daddy Dan Wilkerson, Andy Katzenmoyer, Bobby Olive, Craig Krenzel, Maurice Hall, Maurice Clarett, Michael Doss, Chris Gamble, Bobby Hoying, Shawn Springs, Joey Galloway, Joe Germain, Terrelle Pryor, Donnie Nickey, Malcom Jenkins, Chris Beanie Wells, Ted Ginn. Hell I could go on and on.
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:35 PM ^
"Do you want some cheese with your whine?" What an embarrassingly cliched attempt at humiliating humor.
August 24th, 2018 at 1:35 AM ^
See you missed the point whine'n'dot -
We're rightfully 3-14 but for the debacle of 2aught16
Hardly perfect, but FAR FAR more satisfying!
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:30 PM ^
Someone needs to explain to me why the hell Ohio is still relevant and emphasized so much in sports, politics and economics as a whole?
Their sports (outside of OSU) suck. Their economy sucks. Their state is flat and boring, thus sucks. Their cities suck. Their people are stuck in the 50s and suck.
Just sell the damn state to Canada and call it a day.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:50 PM ^
Someone needs to explain to me why Ohio people suck. There’s a significant amount of Michigan fans in Ohio, especially Toledo area - myself included.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:15 PM ^
If it doesn't apply, scroll on by
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:22 PM ^
All I want is a little simpathy! It’s bad enough to be surrounded by buckeyes, let alone be characterized as one.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:47 PM ^
Occupational hazard of living in O-I-H-O...sorry
August 23rd, 2018 at 11:29 PM ^
I escaped from Ohio. Join us north oh the land Ohio stole.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:53 PM ^
Ann Arbor is a whore!
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:10 PM ^
I’d rather my wife be a whore than be a fan of OSU football.
August 23rd, 2018 at 11:41 PM ^
It’s rare, but I have to agree with the man from Sydney. And I assume, he isn’t from Sydney Ohio.
c-bus make West Lafayette look good.
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:33 PM ^
+1 original
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:03 PM ^
What makes you think Canada would want it?
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:12 PM ^
Why the f*ck would we want it?
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:52 PM ^
The Cleveland Cavs and the Indians stuck? What f'n rock do you live under moron?
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:31 PM ^
Suck*
Yes, the Cavs suck and were only relevant because Lebron has a soul and gave you miserable plebs mercy by coming back to a city that threw the largest temper tantrum in history when he left the first time.
Cleveland Indians? You mean the team that lost a 3-1 lead in the WS to the CUBS of all teams. They ain’t sniffing shit this year either thanks to the Sox and Yanks.
August 24th, 2018 at 10:19 PM ^
Cleveland probably has the best starting rotation in all of MLB.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:33 PM ^
When they gained the Toledo strip the average IQ of BOTH states went up
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:43 PM ^
Just transport one Chick-Fil-A to Ann Arbor and we’ll call it even.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:13 PM ^
Sigh. I’m good with just beating them in football, and maintaining integrity in our own program.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:20 PM ^
Don't you go soft on me soldier.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:17 PM ^
Actually the "Toledo War" was in the 1830s - and the two militias never actually fought each other, having gotten lost in the swamps. Also, Ohio was already a state by this time - it was Michigan whose statehood was held up because of the border dispute.
Have you been taking some of Urban Meyer's medicine?
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:01 PM ^
He didn't say they fought each other.
But yes, Ohio was already a state. That's why they won out really. They actually had pull in Congress. Maybe he meant Ohio as it exists today with the Toledo Strip.
August 23rd, 2018 at 11:48 PM ^
Michigan and Ohio fought a “war”, and Wisconsin lost (the western half of theUP). The Michigan territory already had the Eastern half.
ohio was one of the largest congressional delegations shortly after its statehood. They had a lot of power; thus, they were able to game the system. Some things never change; stay classy Ohio.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:17 PM ^
A conventional military confrontation seems unwise. It's true that Michigan does have a strong industrial base with which to wage a longer war of material attrition, but Ohio has a population edge of roughly 2 million and would probably regain popular support if Michigan initiated a conflict of arms. Michigan's advantage in shoreline would be negated by the compact nature of the battle; it is unlikely that either Indiana or Canada would allow combatants to violate their territory, so the entire conflict would resolve to the narrow strip of land on Michigan's southern border.
The naval impact of this would be grim; Ohio would be able to eliminate Michigan's naval assets by occupying a mere 30 miles of coastline, while Michigan's most significant industrial resources are only a short trip from the border. In contrast, Michigan's forces would have hundreds of miles of ground to cover, but very little room to penetrate any sort of prepared defense of Ohio's northern border.
This leaves out the issue of air power; the hope would be that the US government would refuse to allow US air resources to be involved. If Ohio were to be allowed access to the equipment at Wright-Patterson, though, the battle won't last long at all.
It would be much simpler to to sign a phony peace treaty, send a special force team to capture a nuclear missile site, and just nuke the entire state from orbit.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:24 PM ^
It would be much simpler to to sign a phony peace treaty, send a special force team to capture a nuclear missile site, and just nuke the entire state from orbit.
The Michigan difference! We have 1,000,000 strong with firearms training. Can I count on you to rally the Minnesota faithful? I mean we can put aside dispute over a water jug to take out a common enemy.
Also, I like your quick reply which reveals that you have already thought about this extensively. Perhaps we can draft you in as a general? :D
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:43 PM ^
That would be a difficult decision; the precedent for a man choosing loyalty to his state over the union is Robert E. Lee, and no matter how honorable of a man he was he joined an evil cause. The invasion of Ohio would be a better cause, but I'm not sure I can follow that precedent.
If I did, however, I'd want strategy input. A rash, early declaration of war would be disastrous, as would an unrealistic objective.
The only way to wage a successful war on Ohio would be via a massive sneak attack. Use Michigan's position on the Great Lakes to quickly and quietly annex most of the ships, load soldiers, transit them to Lake Erie, and invade the entire Ohio northern shore before they realize what is happening. The goal here is to stun Ohio with rapid but modest gains, capturing most of the north shore with an emphasis on holding all of Cleveland. A stretch goal would be holding Toledo (there will be a raid, but it's mostly to capture their entire stock of Jeeps), but that's actually less important if our sea lines of communication remain open, which they will if we hold the rest of the shore.
Upon success, there will be an immediate move on Akron (whose strategic significance--tires for the vehicles Detroit is pumping out for the war effort--will not be lost on the Ohio general staff). At least three divisions will appear to march in this direction, but it's a feint--when Ohio moves the bulk of its force northeast to intercept this attack, our divisions carefully dispersed in the western Detroit suburbs will emerge across the Michigan-Ohio border, bypass Toledo, and sweep on a large arc southeast across the empty plains toward a now-undefended Columbus.
The Ohio forces, drawn north of Akron by pursuing what is a planned retreat to the coast, will be caught totally out of position, and by the time they are able to re-organize and return to Columbus, Michigan's forces will already be there. The government will flee to Cincinnatti, residents will be given 36 hours to evacuate, the block M flag will be flown above Ohio Stadium... and then the entire city will be razed to the ground.
At this point, holding their capital, their sea access (Toledo, now cut off, will fall quickly), and most of their industrial base, we will graciously allow them to to sue for peace. The conditions will be simple: We get to keep Cedar Point, we take Toledo (this is revanchist, after all), and we generously return Cleveland. Our forces cede all of the land back up to the pre-Toledo war border. Urban Meyer is forbidden from coaching again, and the ground underneath the former city of Columbus is salted and is to remain uninhabited forever.
Oh, and what used to be Ohio State University moves to Athens. They always talk about wanting to be just "Ohio" anyway.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:51 PM ^
This post was so awesome to read! I expect us to have the tactical know how to get the operation completed quickly. We don't want a long drawn out war to conflict with the football season.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:02 PM ^
I volunteer land in my current home of Montana, to help and train for the secret attack on Ohio. Training far, far away and most importantly away from the eye of Ohioians who are obsessed with everything happening in Michigan, seems to be a solid strategy. Plenty of room for target practice and not a lot of people to bitch about it out here in Big Sky Country! I'll be the Montana (originally from Michigan) version of Baron von Steuben...
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:18 PM ^
If we need to put a small force in Virginia to come up through the hollers and burn a path to cbus, I will give my land as well.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:07 PM ^
There are more Michigan fans in Ohio (like myself) than the reverse, so we could use subterfuge and light terrorism to gain a tactical advantage by putting Ben-Gay on all the coolers.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:08 PM ^
Don’t forget to take into account the vast sleeper cells here in Dayton with access to Wright Patt, as well as across the state.
Current intelligence suggests that while there there is a high amount of logistical support run through the base, there is not a concentration of fighter power on the base.
Also, Wright Patt is a USAF base, and as such would not be immediately available to Ohio forces for deployment, but would need to be taken by force.
Selfridge Air Base, On the other hand, does have fighter jets on the ground and the Michigan Guard also has forces nearby that could move to acquire those assets without alerting Ohio to the reasons behind it.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:08 PM ^
This all depends of course if we can get the Upper Peninsula on our side. They already want to secede to Wisconsin. If we can have our U.P. brethren get loyal to their own state and convince Wiscy to join our side due to their mutual love of the Packers we hold a considerable advantage.
August 24th, 2018 at 1:44 AM ^
Mobilizing forces in WI as we speak. Make sure they can't get ya from behind as those remorseless empty souled mouth breathers are known to do. No better day to die, sir!
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:15 PM ^
If we can pull off the sneak attack from the north, we could get Kentucky to join our effort. I dont know many people outside of us who hate ohioans more than people on that northern border of Kentucky. If they can take cincy and we take Cleveland it puts the cbus forces in a huge bind. They'd of course go for us, but the longer they stay focused on the north the more vulnerable they become from the south.
August 23rd, 2018 at 9:25 PM ^
The plan needs Kentucky to either be no threat to Ohio (thus removing from them the necessity to maintain forces in the southern part of the state that could jeopardize the push to Columbus) or a significant enough threat that they risk losing Cincinnatti if they divert to defend Columbus.
Much effort must go into planning in advance. Kentucky needs to either be pacified or radicalized.
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:56 PM ^
Simple...send troops into Kentucky disguised as Ohio forces. Have them burn down/blow up a couple of the beloved distilleries, and the alliance would be born! Although, as demonstrated with the Battles of Frenchtown during the War of 1812, the Kentucky militia has long shown to be a friend to Michigan.
August 24th, 2018 at 12:05 AM ^
I feel like we have the blue connection anyway. Most of the state is blue sports-wise and they have the blue grass thing even if they're Cardinals fans. That's probably the biggest obstacle - teaming up with UL fans. They'll be crucial in flanking Cincinnati. I'd be willing to lie about my real feelings about Burke's block to gain their allegiance. Worth it.
August 23rd, 2018 at 10:09 PM ^
Bravo please expand into a historical fiction novel!
August 24th, 2018 at 12:35 AM ^
Robert E Lee was not an honorable man. He was a slave holding self proclaimed supporter of racism and southern pride and also supported the racist Confederate legacy instituted in southern schools. This is historically documented fact.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:27 PM ^
It's the only way to be sure.
August 23rd, 2018 at 8:32 PM ^
If we take Cedar Point, their will to fight will crumble, as it alone provides happiness to those wretched people, along with a reason to wear their dirtiest tank tops in public