OT: Close Calls - Things that should have killed you, but didn't
Driving into work today a few cars smashed into each other right in front of me. I had to do a pretty crazy maneuver at about 75 mph to avoid a head on collision and my car was sprayed with broken glass and plastic. This is the second time this month that I very narrowly avoided a serious accident and it has me thinking about my other close calls.
The closest I ever came to actually dying was when I had an allergic reaction to something I didn't know I was allergic to. It happened really fast and being 17 and invincible I was hesitant to seek assistance. Until I looked in a mirror and saw that my now lobster red face had swollen to twice it's normal size.
I drove myself to the nearest ER and my windpipe was almost closed by the time I got there. I'll never forget the look on the receptionist's face. It was like she was looking at a corpse.
What about you? Have you beaten cancer? Dodged a bullet fired by a jealous husband?
What happened?
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While in a pool, I put motorcycle inner tubes on my knees when I was a kid hoping to walk on the water. My bent knees were inserted into the holes with the thought that I would remain upright. Physics... I was immediately under water with no chance of getting my knees out. Of course, I was alone in the pool too. Luckily I was able to grab the edge of the pool and pull myself out. I never told anyone how I almost became a Darwin statistic.
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I thought it was internet .gifs
I remember reading some theory in a human sexuality course that the gender split among infants skews slightly towards more boys than girls because young men tend to die at a higher rate than young women, making the balance more 50/50 into adulthood.
Caveat: I have no idea how accurate either the birth rate split numbers were or how respected that particular explanation is.
There certainly are a lot more women than men that make it to old age, for reasons of biology . . . and stupidity.
Related to sending men to the moon and all other technological advances.
We'd still be on the Serengeti hiding from lions if wasn't for some of that special DNA we have.
Fortunately, our technological advance people and our natural selection stupidity people . . . tend not to be the same people.
I know you're talking about astronauts here, but I think it's important to remember that women's role in these types of events tend to be overlooked/forgotten. Case in point, Margaret Hamilton is resopnsible for overseeing the software engineering for the Apollo missions.
Somehow I only sliced my thumb to the bone.... And not my neck. Somehow, when my dad found out, he didn't quite understand how I described it and didn't kill me. Years later, when I was able to articulate it more fully, he was absolutely dumbfounded.
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Oh man, I bet your saliva would have disolved that lemon head even after you had died. Your death would have been a real-life "the knife was made of ice" type riddle.
When you are in the UK and you have to cross the street, always look right first.
When I was 14, I went to London with my family for vacation. Second day, walking around, looked left as I stepped into the street like a good American. My mom screamed and grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me back onto the sidewalk as a small truck sped through the space I'd just been occupying. Thanks Mom.
Also, now that I think about it, that may only be second on my list: The first time I went to Afghanistan I flew up to the northeast, commercial. Pamir Airways (now defunct). The plane was a 60s-era Antonov turboprop, with all the signage still in Cyrillic and no carpet on the floor, just a couple of rugs laid down in the aisle. We made it up to Fayzabad no problem, but the flight back was delayed by thunderstorms around Kabul. Eventually we got the green light to depart and it was a rocky flight but we made it.
The next day, I got to the office in Kabul and one of my colleagues came up and hugged me. I said, "What?" And he said, "How have you not heard yet? The plane you were on crashed this morning. The search parties are on their way into the mountains."
So, the same plane, same pilots, same crew, same route, 12 hours after I was on it, crashed into the mountains and killed everyone on board. Pilot error. That was fairly scary. I never flew commercial in Afghanistan again.
There was this big hill we used to sled at as kids. It was a lot of fun because it was kind of sketchy and dangerous (Pinery Park, I think). Numerous kids had broken wrists on that hill. Well, they had this walk up that was super slick from all the people walking up it, the walk up was the tallest part of the hill, and the steepest. It had signs with metal poles and shit that said "Do not sled down this part" or something of the sort. Well, my five year old self only put together that if its tall, steep, and slick it will be the fastest and most fun part of the hill. So, I get to the top, immediately turn around, lay on my sled (plastic disk kind), and go down said walk up. I somehow ended up weaving through the metal poles and signs, which is no small feat, because that walk up was only, maybe, 8 feet or less wide. Somehow I didn't hit a single person either. Now I probably wouldn't have died, but hitting one of those poles would have fucked me up.
One more thing, to this day I have not been able to match the adrenaline rush of that experience. Because to be honest, however dumb it was, it was also pretty bitchin'.
they always had an amazing propensity to do a 180 on me so that I'd be going down the hill backwards, which would usually end with a rollover/wipeout
True, but they also are as fun as hell because they go fast.
God, if I did the things on a sled now that I did when I was a kid, I'd be in the hospital every winter for months.
I used to do triathalons and found out the hard way that I had a 97% blockage of the LAD artery and 90%+ blockage in another. As a result, I had 2 stents put in when I was 41 (4 years ago). Interestingly, due to the training, I passed all of my stress tests and they did not find the blockage until they went in to do an exploratory heart cath.
DamnLucky
was if I had heard ofJim Fixx? I told him I did and he said I was lucky my story did not end up like his.
My lawnmower yesterday. Like an idiot I put the wrong gas into it, so when i tried to turn it off it basically was self destructing.
I had to turn it upside down and get all of the gas out of the tank... so I'm guessing the next near death situation I have will be a huge fire in my backyard.
On the bright side, you won't have to mow that patch of grass after dumping a gallon or two of gasoline on it.
I was driving home from work in 1990 in Cleveland when someone threw a rock at my car (I thought). I stopped and got out and saw an unmistakable bullet hole in the side of the roof of my car. The bullet had bored into the roof from the side and not exited. I took a stunned look around, got back in my car and drove home. Two inches lower and the bullet would have entered my head instead. It remains the most surreal moment of my life.
Teddy Roosevelt, is that you?
Shit just got real! I don't know you but appreciate you sharing that. Glad you have a wife and family. I now have a strong desire to tell those close to me how much I love and appreciate them.
glad you are here.
These are increadible stories. I just read the whole thread (up to my post) and i've gotten chills probably four or five times. This is certainly one "death-defying" little circle of friends that's for sure.
Me? I was diagnosed with Carcinoid Cancer that spread to my lymph nodes in 2008 - every day I wake up is a good day.
get you a young, hot, wife though? You're probably the only person I know whose life was improved by cancer.
The cancer caused the old, alcholic wife to leave me for another dude. That created singledom which led to me finding Jill.
How the hell does someone decide to leave a marriage when their spouse has cancer? Can't even being to process the mindset.
That it isn't all that uncommon. They don't love the person and therefore don't want to deal with the stress of nursing them back to health and/or dying. A certain former Speaker of the House left one of his three wives while she was undergoing chemo.
People also tend to have affairs during times of extreme stress (illness, pregnancy, etc).
There are a lot of assholes on this planet.
So my ex and I were in the final stages of a divorce when I was admitted to the hospital with undetermined stomach pain. We were separated and had been for about a year. After 5 days in the ICU and multiple inconclusive tests I was cut open and they found the cancer.
While in recovery my ex made a big production of giving me a new wedding ring and announcing to me and our kids that she was now recommitted to our marrage and would "love me back to health". About four days later I was discharged from the hospital under fairly heavy sedation and pain killers and had 16 staples running from just above my crotch to half way up my sternum to keep my guts from falling out. I was ordered to do nothing but sleep and was given heavy pain meds. My ex went to my apartment, got all my stuff and moved me back into our family home.
Day two of my recovery I was laying on the couch. I was barely awake and again under heavy pain meds. It was a Friday. I remember this because somehow I was able to pick a fight with my ex (according to her) and she stormed out of the house. To this day I have no idea how or what we were fighting about and again, being under heavy pain meds I think I just blinked a few times and went back to sleep.
The entire weekend passes and no call or text from the ex. Frankly I dont really care much but it was kinda odd. Monday morning she arrives back home at about 11:00am, wakes me up and informs me she's bought a house in Columbus (we lived just south of Cleveland), was restarting the divorce proceedings and was moving there in a week. Oh....and I could have custody of our kids and could stay in our house if I wanted.
Two months later she married the dude she was having the affair with. And a few months after the divorce was final I met Jill.
And less than a year later she got divorced from the guy in Columbus.
I know it worked out for you in the end vis a vie new wife...but still very sorry you went through that shit. I can't say I understand how much that would suck to fight for your life and deal with a nutty wife leaving you like that....not sure I could have gone through it without some anti depressents not to mention what it could do to your will to fight through your illness & recovery.
What a cunt. You enjoy that boat, Jill, and your son. You deserve all of it.
And I hope your ex is miserable.
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This is now the "sometimes when things seem their worst, its just the universe's way of helping you" thread.
Great story and I'm glad you escaped such a selfish, sick person.
Thanks for all the encouraging words guys.
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