OT: Advice on All-Boys Schools
Hey, MGoBlog Community. Been on here a long time and never sought personal advice, but trying to explore all angles on a life decision. We're a firmly middle-class family with blue collar sensibilities, and our eight-year-old son has attended public school up to now. He was offered a scholarship to attend an elite private (non-religious, for what it's worth) all-boys school starting this fall. I'm struggling with the decision and wanted to see if anyone on the board has experience with all-boys schools. For me, the main pro is that the academics are top-notch, and my kiddo is super bright and has been bored and acting out in school lately. My concerns are (a) how he'll be with girls/women down the road not having any exposure most of his days and (b) whether he'll feel like second-class citizen around a lot of super-rich families. First-world problems, I know! But any advice/experiences would be welcomed.
The academics are top-notch should be the end of the discussion.
The all-girls, all-boys school stuff is irrelevant. Could be worse for him, could be better but you can't predict that.
He probably will feel like a second-class citizen in that world, at least initially. But if he wants to go to a college in that world (Ivy League) or get a job in that world (investment banking as an example), he will have to deal with that at some point or another. Better to learn that now when he's a kid than when he's 18 or 22 or 30.
What he's going to learn, beyond the academics, is a maturity, polish, and even charisma in how to deal with people of all walks of life that will pay dividends for a lifetime.
Attended an all-boys school for HS as a lower economic status individual. For me the experience was a net positive. The education was good. It was also way more difficult to skip school and there were far fewer fights; it was not difficult to get kicked out. It was easy enough to interact with girls in outside of school functions and in school I felt like there was less drama as far as who is dating who, etc. The biggest negative experience I had involved "politics"; kids with comparatively powerful/wealthy family's have an edge.
If he is a good athlete the money is much less likely to matter.
Not that it will that much anyway but locker room camaraderie bridges gaps.
Just one opinion, but this is not a decision at all. If life lays an opportunity like this at your feet, your roll in your family requires you to take it. Sure there may be some challenges ahead, but there are challenges ahead on all of you and your kid's possible paths.
Your son will have plenty of exposure to women both during this time and after it, and I would suggest exposure to immense wealth and what that does to a family can be as instructive as being exposed to immense poverty and what that does to a family. Your roll as a guide to help your son rationalize his experiences during childhood does not change.
My qualifications: I was a boy who sailed through public school, got into Michigan and was in danger of failing out after Freshman year because of the shocking difference in both the difficulty of the work and the quality of the other students.
Frankly I think you've already answered your question, you know he'll get a better education at the private school. The school will still have the activities that other schools have - sports ,etc. and yes private schools have dances too.
Take the private school and greater individual attention that will challenge your son more. He will have plenty of opportunities to meet and socialize with girls outside of school. That. Is a zero worry issue.
Spent a few years at Cranbrook on scholarship coming from a lower class family and it was the most important educational experience I have had. Kids don’t care about your socioeconomic status at least not the ones I came across. If anything they were pretty willing to share the spoils as they were taught to be grateful for what they have. And the bonds you build in an all boys environment without the constant distraction of girls is unmatched. I spent a couple years there and made best friends for life
I’m the product of a private grade/MS that taught boys and girls in separate classes and then an all-boys catholic high school. My parents felt very strongly that we get the best education possible and they stretched to make it happen.
When my son was in pre-school, we received feedback that felt like his behavior was being compared to the girls in his class. He was described as fidgety, liked to be active, which was presented to us as him being disruptive. Things like OT were recommended. I try to be intellectually honest and not assume my kid is the best just because he’s my kid. But, I was about 99% sure my son was as “normal” of a boy as could be. I’d say time has proven that to be correct.
When it came time for elementary school, we ended up choosing a school that separated boys and girls in all classes. At the younger ages, the boys classrooms have things like a climbing gym, exercise ball for a chair, etc. It provides a quick release for that energy to allow them to get back to learning. And perhaps more importantly, the teachers that teach boys, only teach boys and appreciate how boys learn and their need to get energy out. It’s been a great place for him to learn and develop as a young man. He’s been at this school for 7 years and I think it was the best decision. It’s unlikely he’ll attend an all boys HS but that’s only because we don’t have a convenient option in our area.
As for the second class citizen, we were very middle class growing up and I definitely was around kids from some very wealthy families. At the younger ages, I didn’t notice the difference. As I got older, I began to see that kids were traveling to Europe or Aspen for spring break. My parents never made a big deal about it, so it didn’t really matter to me. It may be a bigger deal for you in that the social circle of the parents may be challenging. In our experience, the degree to which this is the case is more on a grade-by-grade basis rather than for a school as a whole. A few parents can set the tone for a full class. It would be worth speaking with other families with kids in the same class, especially any others on scholarship.
Lastly, I think you’ll be amazed at what happens when your son is challenged in classes. We have seen on multiple occasions the benefit of a good teacher that pushes our son (and others) rather than forces him to move at the same pace as the full class.
My perspective is give it a try. If your son or you/spouse don’t like it, you can always go back to your local school. It will be the least disruptive to his academic progression at this young age.