OT: Former NFL Player Phillip Buchanon - "Motherly Love"

Submitted by boliver46 on

Maybe a Debbie Downer for a Friday - but this story popped up for me first thing this morning...and yes:

The stories of athletes spending their money have been told before

Definitely true - but Buchanon's story was particularly poignant for me...especially this:

Buchanon says his mother told him he owed her $1 million for raising him. "Well, that was news to me," wrote Buchanon, who played 10 NFL seasons for five teams. "If my mother taught me anything, it's that this is the most desperate demand that a parent can make on a child. The covenant of having a child is simply that you give your child everything possible, and they owe you nothing beyond a normal amount of love and respect. There is no financial arrangement."

As a father of 5 (and 1 on the way), I just can't conceive of seeing your children in this way.

Very sad.

Link

Soulfire21

April 10th, 2015 at 9:41 AM ^

I can't even conceive my parents asking such of me, whether I had the means or not.

This is relatively poignant for me:

he warned that "'fun friends' and family will view you as an endless ATM

I suppose it's not surprising, but it is sad.

boliver46

April 10th, 2015 at 11:21 AM ^

don't have nearly the $$ of an NFL player - but I am moderately successful.  Many others in my family are not - primarily because of their own choices.  I am constantly helping with "loans" that never get repaid, but continuing to help because: FAMILY.

I joke about being "The First National Bank of BOliver" - but this just takes it to another level.

In reply to by boliver46

1464

April 10th, 2015 at 4:07 PM ^

It was a weird day that at 26ish years old with young children, I had to lend my mother $2000.  She paid it all back, but it's pretty surreal to find out you're basically the most responsible person in your family when you're only a few years removed from being blackout drunk every weekend...

814 East U

April 10th, 2015 at 11:36 AM ^

I believe the EPA estimates a human life around $7 mil when doing cost benefit analysis for certain pollutant thresholds. So shes giving him one hell of a deal.

/s

Everyone Murders

April 10th, 2015 at 9:55 AM ^

Buchanon's mother seems like a person I wouldn't like. But where's the link to the story - just so we can see if there's some context here that explains her demand somewhat? Also, let the OP's four kids plus one on the way serve as a warning to the rest of us - think twice before you cancel your cable. (I kid, and congratulate, the OP.) Finally, I do jokingly remind my kids they've been cash-negative from day one. What I forget to mention enough is it's easily the best money I've ever spent.

74polSKA

April 10th, 2015 at 10:02 AM ^

I can't imagine ever expecting such a thing from either of my girls. I really hope that attitude wouldn't change if they ever do make a crazy amount of money in the future. While this is disturbing, I also hate when adult children think their parents owe them something. I guess the moral is that selfish people are selfish. I pray that more people would put the needs of others, especially their family, over their own.

ChiBlueBoy

April 10th, 2015 at 10:52 AM ^

Having children changed my outlook on life. It helped me learn to care about others more than myself. It opened up my heart. We expect that it will have the same effect with others, but sadly that isn't always the case.

As much as having my children impacted me, it had no such effect on their mother. To this day she is self-absorbed, critical, childish and greedy. In her case, I think it is a matter of mental health and substance abuse problems as well as genetics and her own abusive parents. For some of that I can blame her. For much, it was the hand she was dealt.

I have no idea what made Mr. Buchanon's mother so greedy. Greed, however, stopped being a surprise to me a long time ago.

Monkey House

April 10th, 2015 at 11:30 AM ^

this is for the OP, I'm curious did u always want 6 kids? as a guy that has never really had the urge to have kids, I'm always interested in those that have a lot of them.

boliver46

April 10th, 2015 at 12:01 PM ^

My situation is that of a blended family.  I had 3 children with my first wife, and then got divorced (don't get me started!).

I met my now fiance' who has 2 children of her own.  We both like large families, and really wanted to share something special together that was "ours" - hence #6.

I used to joke about wanting to "make my own football team"...that dream may have to die unless I decide to play 7 on 7.  LOL

Also - how old are you?  Just curious as I know many younger people may not be child-inclined...

Monkey House

April 10th, 2015 at 1:42 PM ^

thanks for your honest answers. of course I have friends and family with kids, none with 5-6 so I'm always intrigued with large families like that. good luck on your little on the way!

mlGOBLUE

April 10th, 2015 at 11:50 AM ^

Of course the mother's position is absurd, but do we really need to judge her so harshly? Greedy people almost always come form a history of deprivation, of one kind or another.



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ChiBlueBoy

April 10th, 2015 at 12:36 PM ^

As a parent and human, I can say that children are born greedy. All humans have a natural state of greed, hate and delusion. If there's a "deprivation," it is sometimes simply being in a family that nurtures rather than admonishes against greed. I'm optimistic, however, that people can and do choose to replace greed with generosity; hate with love; delusion with enlightenment. And I think this has very little to do with economic wealth. I've heard that charities going door-to-door tend to do better in poor neighborhoods than gated communities.

SalvatoreQuattro

April 10th, 2015 at 3:44 PM ^

with Phillipp. Some people are not meant to be parents. Society most often thinks of men when  these issues are raised, but there are plenty of terrible mothers out there. I know that firsthand.

Fortunately, my mother was a nonexistent/selfish type and not the abuser type. I also had a wonderful father and grandfather to raise me.Many are not so lucky.

meechiganman14

April 10th, 2015 at 4:54 PM ^

"Some people are not meant to be parents" will be the title of my book some day. I work in pediatrics and it would amaze you some of the reasons that people will have children that involve only themselves and not the child. I always feel awful for these kids because they are usually more adult than their parents and aren't getting the appropriate parental guidance that many of us took for granted (and probably didn't like at the time).