A Review of ‘Playing Hurt’ by John U. Bacon
[Ed-S: Bacon’s latest book is a personal memoir of John Saunders, and Saunders’ lifelong battle with depression. Ira Weintraub (@michiganinsider), co-host of WTKA The Ticket’s flagship, The Michigan Insider, offered to review it since he read it faster than I could.
Playing Hurt: My Journey from Despair to Hope by John Saunders, is available from Amazon in hardcover, Kindle, or Audiobook format, or you can get a copy from the publisher directly. Take it away Ira:
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Let me start by making a few things very clear: John U Bacon is my friend, and I think he’s a terrific writer. So, yes, I am biased in his favor. But that did not influence my opinion of Bacon’s newest book, “Playing Hurt: My Journey from Despair to Hope,” which he wrote with his friend and long-time ESPN broadcaster John Saunders.
Let’s make one other point very clear – this is not a Michigan book, even though you are reading this review on a Michigan site. There are Michigan references, stories and anecdotes in “Playing Hurt.” But this is not a Michigan book. And, no, this is not a sports book, although sports is a big part of Saunders’ life story.
So what kind of book is it? It’s a life-lessons book. It’s a story of overcoming a myriad of obstacles and the ability to endure just about everything the world and society can throw at you. It is also the best book in the John U Bacon literary collection.
[Hit the JUMP for…an interview with Will Heininger?!?]
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Bacon and Saunders are able throughout the book to take you on the roller coaster ride that was John Saunders’ life. They take you from the highest of highs—Saunders’ relationships with his brother, wife and kids and being a successful, nationally respected sports broadcaster—to the lowest of the lows—depression, physical abuse and sexual abuse.
Saunders’ battle with depression is fascinating, scary, heart-breaking and heart-warming. After reading the book, the first person I thought about was former Michigan football player Will Heininger (defensive end for Michigan from 2007-2011), who is now very open in his conversations about his fight with depression. He even turned that into a career; he now serves as a program coordinator for the University of Michigan Depression Center.
“’Playing Hurt’ is about depression—the illness—and the widespread impacts it can have on our lives, and yet, it is a page-turner like none other of its kind,” said Heininger. (For the record, I read the book in about 48 hours).
Based on conversations I’ve had with Heininger and other experts in this field, battling depression can be very lonely. Many with depression won’t share their illness with others. For a variety of reasons. Even Saunders was reluctant to share his story. It took time to start the process for “Playing Hurt” and took five years to write, edit and print.
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Former Michigan DL starter Will Heininger battled depression and now helps others do so through Michigan Athlete Connected. |
“Saunders' vulnerability and openness with his depression puts yet another famous face to an illness that all too often is hidden in darkness,” Heininger said. “His story brings to light the monster that is mental illness—or illness of the brain—and reminds us what we already know: any medical condition, from diabetes, to a broken bone, to cancer, to depression, anxiety, addiction, disordered eating, etc. is best treated by a professional who can help minimize the negative impact the condition has on the patient's life, and return us to normal levels of functioning.”
But “Playing Hurt” would not be the page-turner so many of us thoroughly enjoyed if it weren’t for the life stories—personal and professional—Saunders was willing to share.
“I admire the artful intertwining of Saunders' love for sport, and an opponent far tougher than any he faced in athletic competition,” said Heininger who also suffered other significant injuries to his body during his playing career. “Sports can teach us a lot about life – and mental health is a BIG part of said life. So when we tear our ACLs, we have realistic expectations. We don't expect to be able to run again tomorrow, next week or even next month. We know we'll probably need surgery, that we'll have to work hard on painful rehab to regain the functioning of the knee joint and the supporting structures, and that it will be difficult. But six, nine, 12 months later, if we work hard, we'll be as good as new, or even better.
“We don't have to like the situation – it sucks to tear your ACL -- but we can control our actions and choices going forward. It's the same with mental health issues. No one likes being depressed. But the longer we let it go without getting help, the longer our brain will not function properly, and thus we'll feel down. And when we do get help, we can't expect it to get better overnight.
“Just like the ACL rehab, we need to work consistently with medical professionals, sometimes through painful moments, to regain the levels of functioning (and happiness) that we desire. But sooner than later, WE. GET. BETTER (even though one of the symptoms of depression is a distorted thought/belief that we'll never get better).”
Saunders was getting better. He seemed to be thriving personally and professionally when he had his horrific fall on the ESPN set in 2011. That’s where many of us thought this book would begin. But, despite his remarkable recovery and return to television, that is just a small part of the John Saunders story. Tragically, Saunders’ untimely death August 10, 2016, cut short what should have been an extremely happy ending to this story. Unfortunately, he will not see the benefits of him telling his story. We will now remember Saunders for being so much more than a TV guy.
“John Saunders was so relatable as a sportscaster,” Heininger said. “You always felt like he was talking to just you—like he ‘got you,’ even though he was on the other side of the television, while in a Manhattan ESPN studio. (Bacon) takes us behind Saunders’ public persona to show us a different kind of relatability, the triumphs, perceived disasters and the day to day of a man battling a quiet monster of an illness – depression – while trying to be the outstanding father, husband, and professional that he was.”
September 20th, 2017 at 8:35 AM ^
You are missed John. One of my favorite sports guys.
September 20th, 2017 at 4:38 PM ^
It took me years to deal with anxiety and depression, and getting over the feeling that I could just power through it. It was someone else that used the physical analogy to help me. 'If you broke your leg, or had a congenital heart issue, you wouldn't try to power through it....'
September 20th, 2017 at 8:55 AM ^
So many moments of watching sport. Myself and the screen with only mostly idiotic sportscasters. John was never that for me. I always felt akin to him. This book has been waiting for me and it's time.
Everything went fine until that hour-long gap, when the new producer got in my ear to tell me, "Talk about Kendall Marshall." I went blank. Nothing. I couldn't remember who he was. The producer repeated, "Kendall Marshall!" But that's not the part I'd forgotten!
Now what? Try to guess, get Marshall's position and team wrong and get hammered on Twitter? Or just stare at the camera like an idiot, which would be even worse? Whatever I was going to do, I had to do that second.
I pulled something out of my ass. I started discussing the Big 12 tournament, for no reason, while the producer kept saying, "Kendall Marshall!" He was not used to working with rookies, which is about where I was. He finally put up a graphic of Kendall Marshall -- and it came to me in a flash. I asked Adrian Branch to talk about "that fine point guard from North Carolina, Kendall Marshall!"
No one watching probably had any idea, and we sailed right through the rest. Afterward, Bill Graff came down to talk to me. "John, I knew you were lost, but I doubt anyone else would."
He was telling me the truth, and that meant everything to me. "
Bill, I'm working at about 50 percent brain capacity." What he said next, I will never forget. "John, I'd take you at 50 percent any day of the week."
Thank you Ira for this push. I'll take my Bacon with a side of humanity. Time to celebrate wife day with John Saunders.
September 20th, 2017 at 9:03 AM ^
Fantastic review. Cannot wait to read the book!
September 20th, 2017 at 9:12 AM ^
September 20th, 2017 at 12:59 PM ^
for sharing. Amen to your last sentence. I've been fortunate enough to have the resources and the access to help me through some tough times. You become stronger as a result
September 20th, 2017 at 10:04 AM ^
In a variety of ways this might be Bacon's most valuable book.
September 20th, 2017 at 10:11 AM ^
September 20th, 2017 at 12:10 PM ^
The pages flew by. You get an education on what a depressed person might be feeling or thinking (and not saying) and how you can respond in a way that is helpful. There are plenty of other lessons to be learned as well. This is one of those books where a person spends a lifetime enduring a thing, then writes a book about that thing, and the rest of us get to learn very important lessons about that thing in just a few days time. What Saunders and Bacon did is really an amazing gift.
Just want to make clear, the author is John Saunders with John U Bacon. Not John U Bacon. It is written in the first person (Saunders). You can certainly hear Bacon coming through in the writing though.
September 20th, 2017 at 12:20 PM ^
I've battled depression, general anxiety, and panic attacks on-and-off for the last 10 years. Currently going through the worst spat I've ever had.
I found out 2 days before my wedding in May that I inherited the genetic mutation for a rare progressive heart disease that currently plagues my mom. This came less than two month after, by an incredibly unlikely ill twist of fate, I saw a patient in the ED only 5ish years older than me die from the same condition. They came in for respiratory distress secondary to an asthma attack (which I also have) and I watched his eyes roll back in his head as his heart stopped on the EKG, and then his body convulse as his implanted cardioverter delivered a shock, and jumped on his chest to start performing 30 minutes of chest compressions to no avail.
I could barely finish my last two months of medical school after that. Just being in the hospital seemed to give me crippling anxiety. But, I had the wedding to look forward to, graduation, and moving to start my amazing residency.
Unfortunately, after the honeymoon was over, the anxiety came back with a vengeance. By the time I started my residency, I was a non-functional mess. I was having 3 panic attacks a day, seemingly after every patient interaction. I took a leave of absence, worked with a psychiatrist and therapist, but I still haven't recovered. Decided last week to leave my residency program.
Luckily, I feel like I'm turning the corner. Started getting outside more. Getting back into a regular schedule. Exercising; I can only really do long walks outside, as strenuous physical activity accelerates the progression of the heart disease (which is fine for lovely September in San Diego). Blogging here more. Finally reached out to my friends after months of radio silence.
I just hope things keep getting better.
September 20th, 2017 at 12:40 PM ^
I can only hope you find a way to get through. Thanks for sharing and God speed.
September 20th, 2017 at 4:40 PM ^
and good luck. Keep working on it. By just being open about it you may have helped someone else on here, start to deal with it, so thank you.
September 20th, 2017 at 7:02 PM ^
September 21st, 2017 at 7:59 AM ^
September 20th, 2017 at 7:01 PM ^
I just got off the phone with my daughter, to whom I read (through tears) Heininger's quote about expectations and getting help, etc. I also talked with her about the mental health providers in her town that are listed on our new health insurance plan. I sure as hell hope it it will help her out. Thanks again.
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