poker

Ace: It’s an emergency. We have to talk about this.

Seth: OH, LET'S GO right here!

BiSB: You could do a Gimmicky Top 20 about this video, and there would still be grievous omissions. It contains multitudes.

Ace: Let’s set the stage: Darren Rovell is playing his first online poker game ever. This surprises me, since I assumed he’d be one of the types who watched the World Series of Poker in 2005 and got obsessed because it was sports with money and that’s Rovell’s entire life. They’re playing Texas Hold ’Em and, in this video, he’s dealt a great hand: Ace-Queen suited (both diamonds).

Importantly, this is the table just prior to the hand being dealt. Rovell, naturally, is “DMoneyWinz,” and we should note a couple more things here:

He’s the short stack at the table. By a lot.

He’s also the big blind for this upcoming hand, so more of his waning money is going in the pot no matter what. Over 11% of his chips will be going into this hand before a card is dealt.

BiSB: Also, notice the chat, where he offers the insight that, quote, "I have no money left."

Ace: The first line of this is what some would call “foreshadowing.”

Brian: Darren Rovell is essentially my age, which means he is in the Has Watched Rounders 50 Times, Ten To Fifteen Of Them On Purpose age bracket.

Ace: This age group extends down to my generation thanks to Chris Moneymaker.

Brian: Every American male from my age to Bill Simmons's has a dusty DVD on a shelf somewhere.

Seth: /raises hand

Videocassette.

BiSB: John Malkovich should have won an EGOT for that role.

Ace: It’s almost impossible for someone anyone near his age/demographic/job not to get some poker knowledge by sheer accident.

HE COVERS THE CROSSOVER BETWEEN SPORTS AND MONEY.

Sorry, I’m getting prematurely upset.

Brian: Right. This is just setting the cultural context stage. Everyone on earth knows how to play Hold 'Em now. Let us embark.

BiSB: So, he at least recognizes that suited Ace-Queen is good. Bonus points there.

Seth: Should we discuss his choice of avatar?

Ace: I think it’s a default, another player has it too.

Brian: His alternatives appear to be a turtle, a fox, and an anime lawyer so I get the stogie chomping guy as an option. Turtle is tempting though.

Ace: Rovell also gets a little credit for taking coaching to heart and knowing he should fold the vast majority of his hands.

Brian: DOES HE

Ace: Now, does he apply this knowledge well? Stay tuned.

[After THE JUMP: The flop, the turn, the flop]