2018-19 maryland #2

Things discussed:

• How has Brian Cook not been banned from Twitter like Scott Bell?
• M at MD: All hail Simpson, who wasn't responsible for the bricks. Bruno Fernando Thunderblocks kept the Terps in the game.
• X's hook shot makes front rows grab their heads.
• Seen enough of Teske against guards that that's your option vs the switch
• Sad Izzo Presser
• State Part 2: Contain Winston
• Talking Purdue: Painter's done a great job.
• Delany: Getting another $20 million for being just a guy in charge of an exploitive system.

You can catch the entire episode on Michigan Insider's podcast stream on Podbean.

Segment two is here. Segment three is here.

THE USUAL LINKS

• Helpful iTunes subscribe link
• General podcast feed link
• Direct download link (right-click/save as)
• What's with the theme music?

Actually I have the power here, because I don't have a contract.

3/3/2019 – Michigan 69, Maryland 62 – 26-4, 15-4 Big Ten

The Youth will understand things because of Zavier Simpson. Every time he hits a hook the announcers go on a giggly Craig Ross tangent—about old people, not communism—with details about basketball players from the Paleozoic.

ah yes the famous basketballer cliff hagen

— Ace Anbender, fan of basketball, the only sport (@AceAnbender) March 3, 2019

I can't blame them, for I giggle internally in the same way whenever Simpson defies nature to thunk in a sky-hook from the next county over. Sometimes I make up players I am reminded of. Simpson's second hook was a Zebediah Reynolds joint, but his third had more of a Jehoshapat Williams feel to it. Reynolds wore an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time. Williams played most of a season with a raccoon gnawing on his shin. Peaches hadn't evolved yet so the league had to find guys with really big mouths and pay them in conch shells. These are the players Simpson reminds me of.

Why you'd develop such a goofy shot was made explicitly clear on Simpson's most audacious hook to date, a late-clock masterpiece on which Bruno Fernando knew exactly what was coming. Even that flat-topped marvel of human engineering was helpless in the face of the mighty hook:

THE HOOK SHOT! pic.twitter.com/EeA2lBm1ru

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) March 3, 2019

He topped that in the second half with another late-clock desperation heave. This, like Joe Wieskamp's absurd winner against Rutgers, hit the top corner of the backboard.

My bad, that's what I get for not fact checking what I thought I heard on CBS. Maryland lost to Illinois at home too. But.... THIS !! pic.twitter.com/UiYxHzyKDQ

— Ron Chaney (@ChaneyRon) March 4, 2019

The difference is that Simpson meant to do that.

He meant to do all the things he did, no matter how improbable they look. A few years ago I wrote a column about Spike Albrecht during the grim injury-beset period of 2015 in which I noted that for guys Albrecht's size every venture to the basket is an exercise in improbability:

Basketball from the perspective of Spike Albrecht is a multi-dimensional differential equation in which almost all answers are emphatically wrong ones. To avoid being postmarked to Lake Michigan, Albrecht has to swoop through the lane several times to induce dizziness in the opposition and then find the one local minima that will result in a shot instead of an Ent-shaped man flexing.

He does this regularly.

Simpson has taken this art form and refined it to a knife edge. Five times in this game X bailed Michigan out of a possession that was going nowhere. Michigan twitter, incensed by the Bruno Fernando dunk tracker, pounded the table for a Hook Tracker, and CBS complied. One tracker is about a genetic lottery winner's physical dominance. The other is about a short guy's sheer cussedness.

The Youth will understand old basketball players and geometry. They will be able to trace out parabolic curves from angles diverse. They will have big moods.

Can we stop and appreciate how terrifying X can be when he wants to? pic.twitter.com/vt7jdOLnGv

— Noah Neidlinger (@candor_for_sale) March 4, 2019

At basketball camps across the state 5'6" middle-schoolers will be flinging up shots from behind their ear. Thirty years from now the play by play guy will reference Zavier Simpson when a point guard re-invents the hook out of desperation.

In certain contexts even your author qualifies as Youth. I grew up in an era where the "true point guard" was rhapsodized but rapidly approaching extinction. The shooting guard shot. The point guard was a little guy who ran around gluing parts of the team together. He didn't really shoot; he didn't have to. This was already a rapidly dying concept in the era of the Bad Boys, let alone the Billups-era Pistons or Burke-era Michigan teams. These days, forget it: it's Steph Curry's world.

So I thought all that reminiscing about the real PG was your typical Old Man Yells At Sport stuff. I still do, mostly. Shooting is a good skill to have in the game where all your points come on shots.

But now I get it. The Youth will understand that is magnificent when the guy with seven shots dominates the game. Simpson made or assisted on all but one of Michigan's first-half makes. The decisive three-possession sequence for Michigan was Zavier Simpson with the game on a string. First he finds Teske on a pick and pop; then he takes advantage of Maryland overplaying Teske for a layup; then he takes advantage of Maryland playing both those things and finds a cutting Brazdeikis for a layup. Bang, bang, bang. Surgery.

Maryland was scoring on the other end. The Human Element Center was packed to the gills and screaming, and Zavier Simpson dissected the opposition without batting an eye. The Youth of College Park understand all too well this morning.

[After THE JUMP: Pruno Fernando. As in he's pruned, not that his fingers are wrinkly. nvm I'll start again.]

[After THE JUMP: Bruno Fernandidn'tmakemanyshots]

1 hour and 35 minutes

The Sponsors:

This show is presented by UGP & The Bo Store. Do you like Michigan sweatshirts and stuff? Buy one from them. Our other sponsors are also key to all of this: HomeSure Lending, Peak Wealth Management, Ann Arbor Elder Law, the Residence Inn Ann Arbor Downtown, the University of Michigan Alumni Association, Michigan Law Grad, Human Element, Phil Klein Insurance, and Lantana Hummus

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1. Maryland

(starts at 1:00)

Brian tries to make a long point about Wilco, or Zavier Simpson’s best games—it’s hard to tell. We rate hook shots. Life without Matthews. Completely necessary rant about when Michigan went –8 by taking X off the court for his third foul (which was a dumb foul). Try not to talk too much Castleton because Nebraska segment is next but Castleton man. DDJ though. David brings up J.T. Barrett. Also Iggy got Michigan halfway to the bonus in like three minutes. Fernando and Teske probably never want to play each other again. Red Panda.

2. Nebraska

(starts at 33:33)

My girl’s the baddest though so I keep winning. Nebraska showed up and gave up, which played right in Dan Dakich’s take wheelhouse. When a defensive team hits 50 percent from three it’s over. Can’t switch with Tanner Borschardt. Poole had five assists and we were all okay with his turnover. Jon Teske > Mo last year. Get more creation out of him?

3. Around the Big Ten

(starts at 54:14)

Northwestern is an excellent worst conference team but probably not good enough to knock off Purdue, meaning Michigan needs Minnesota to do it for them. Rutgers has is an insane basket away from being a team with a tournament resume (that still couldn’t get in). Penn State was the best team in the league in February. If only they’d won that Purdue game. NET is too Kenpommy. Don’t want to face Iowa and Wisconsin the Big Ten Tournament.

4. Across the Crooked Blue Line with Steve Lorenz of 247Sports

(starts at 1:15:53)

Steve guarantees that every Michigan target is indeed a real human being. Discuss the recent re-ratings of all the 2020 prospects, in which Michigan’s commits fell a little ways. Still high on Seldon and KD; some of the linebackers haven’t progressed and the new lineman probably won’t until senior tape rolls in. Is there a chance with the in-state five-stars? Will State get shut out of the top ten players in Michigan?

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MUSIC

• "I Am Trying to Break Your Heart"—Wilco
• "You Are the Pan"—John Williams (from ‘Hook’)
• "Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mas of Incandescent Gas"—They Might Be Giants
• “Across 110th Street”

THE USUAL LINKS

• Helpful iTunes subscribe link
• General podcast feed link
• Direct download link (right-click/save-as)
• What's with the theme music?

It doesn’t matter; you’re in last place in Red Panda PAC’s Wilco Pantheon