"The State Of Our Open Threads" is as much an exercise in exploring ways to measure the mood of a fanbase as it is an exercise in personal catharsis after a football game for me, but then yesterday, there wasn't much to release for me, and I am sure for others. I expected that we would beat Maryland comfortably, and we certainly did. It was, I think, the calm before the yearly meltdown which the OSU game seems to typically bring to this board. 

Let's focus on yesterday though. We only gave 78 fucks yesterday, down sharply from the 285 given during the rather stressful Penn State game. That is, in fact, now the second-lowest number of fucks given in the conference season to date, and given who the next opponent is, it shall likely remain that way for 2021. The fewest fucks were given during the Indiana game, and the fewest overall in the season were the mere 18 given during the Northern Illinois game. Considering that the season average as of now is 176 fucks per game, it was certainly a very quiet, orderly thread as game threads go around here. 

As for shits, it was basically the same story - we are saving them now for explosive diarrhea next week. Forced constipation, if you will, the kind experienced by people who actually enjoy dining at P.F. Chang's. We only gave 34 shits, which is the second lowest total in the conference schedule and the third lowest overall, just like "fuck". The season average for now is 70 shits, so again, it was a very smooth-running experience yesterday in the open thread. You would know if it was not, for you would be on Twitter like me asking when they will replace the server currently on fire with a server not currently on fire. 

Here's what this looks like graphically, for the visual people:

"Fire" was depressed as well this week, but actually slightly above the average use of 52 at 55. As you might guess, however, it was because people were finding more positive uses of the word "fire", such as "this team is on fire", rather than asking for the heads of various coaches. A few people did have some choice words for the refs and the replay officials though, but as we exist in the Big Ten and therefore in a world where football games are officiated in a manner sometimes similar to a test match in cricket, it is to be expected. All that remains is for Michigan to get flagged for "leg before wicket" one day. 

Not surprisingly, "suck" almost didn't even register - there were only 12 mentions in the entire thread, and most of those were also directed at the officials. I am sure that word will remain confined to the officials next week as well, right? This is actually one that has seen depressed use all season, but then I think very few of us, when we were asked in August, thought  that this is where we would be. 

Here is the graph:

We didn't fret much about the "offense" or "defense" either: 

"Offense" saw only 73 mentions, which is far below the season average of 112, and it is also the lowest number of mentions in the conference schedule, with Indiana having the next fewest at 77 and then Northwestern at 78 mentions. Funny how better outcomes lead to fewer people talking details, right? 

"Defense" was a different story, but then the whole purpose of this is to see how we talk about these in different games. There were 74 mentions of defense, which is actually the third lowest in the conference schedule - 39 mentions for the Indiana game, then 65 for Northwestern. The game where we went on most about "defense"? Nebraska. That probably shocks no one. If it does, I am not sure whose games you've been watching, but you may want to check your local listings again. 

It was a quiet night on the "Harbaugh" and "Cade" fronts too, but then we were winning quite decisively and Cade wasn't even in for a substantial portion of the second half, so there wasn't much reason to do anything but talk Villari and that future. 

In both cases here, each word had its lowest number of mentions in the conference schedule to date - "Harbaugh" at 61 and "Cade" at 83. If you are curious, the most we discussed "Harbaugh" was last week during the Penn State game, and as for "Cade", we have to go all the way back to the Wisconsin game, where we found out that, yes, he can in fact throw the ball when needed. It seems names peak at what we believe to be telling moments in the progress of the season. Again, that won't shock you, but here it is in the numbers. 

We will save a detailed discussion for performance against averages for next week, but in the meantime, here is overall efficiency:

It seems that we found yesterday.....kind of relaxing, which was something that I dare say was much needed. Overall, there were 504 mentions of tracked words against 1,429 posts in the open thread, which is where the 2.84 number comes from. Considering that we seem to be in a constant state of alert with our successful but stressful team, it was a kind, calm moment indeed. 

...and now, Ohio State.