Profiles in integrity, grace, and charity: A heartfelt "thank you" to our friends from East Lansing
Those of us living near Lansing know the joys of being among Spartans, and with this being MSU week, I feel a duty to share those joys with anyone who might be unfamiliar. These people bring sunshine to our lives, and we would be remiss if we didn’t communicate our appreciation before this silly little game.
Michigan State athletics programs have become pioneers in 21st-century teambuilding. Concerned about the rapid decline of face-to-face contact, MSU athletes have repeatedly come together, in large groups, to contact the faces of their fellow athletes and classmates.
Spartans are known to generously extend a hand to those in need. They’ve developed a prison-to-work program seen by many as a model for how to reduce to an absolute minimum the time between prison and work. Their athletic director moonlights as a volunteer career counselor and their football coach as a public speaking coach, offering their time even to supposed athletic rivals. When one of their neighbors could use help just stretching his neck, scratching his eye, massaging his arm, or bludgeoning his face, a Spartan is always there to assist.
Sportsmanship is always the Spartan’s highest priority. When an opposing player gets hurt, MSU students come together to let that player know that he is as beloved and cherished as a sweet family pet. If a fan, who’s totally a CMU grad or something, gets unruly, the community reins him in immediately, nobly protecting our great-great-great-grandmothers along the way. The head basketball coach once even sat out a game in honor of NCAA rules.
A Spartan is green at his core, concerned about the environmental dangers of letting too many sofas eventually reach our landfills. He understands the medical importance of concussion research and bravely puts his student-athlete in harm’s way just so the rest of us can see what happens. He advocates for the consumer who is so often trampled upon by uncaring corporations. He even protects college athletics from the unsavory members of society by constantly reminding us that the only people entitled to enjoy college sports are those with college degrees.
So to all of the Michigan fans out there, please, if you have an opportunity to thank a Spartan this week, do it. The world just wouldn’t be the same without them.
October 15th, 2012 at 6:19 AM ^
October 15th, 2012 at 2:40 PM ^
http://hypervocal.com/news/2012/msu-prof-naked-arrest/
Math is very important there, even if the professor is naked.
October 16th, 2012 at 11:43 PM ^
sparty is a target rich environment. With that said, you had to pick on someone who needs professional help? What kind of human being are you?
October 15th, 2012 at 7:19 AM ^
This is fantastic. I award you +1 Internets.
October 15th, 2012 at 7:59 AM ^
I say, we start the "Spartan Award for Community and Citizenship".
October 15th, 2012 at 8:44 PM ^
... its a nice first try but I think we can spiff it up a bit. How about the Spartan Citation for Union and Manumission?
There. That looks about right.
October 15th, 2012 at 8:07 AM ^
One stop shopping as it were.
October 15th, 2012 at 8:31 AM ^
Fine use of verbage
October 15th, 2012 at 9:06 AM ^
And let's don't forget how their former starting quarterback cares deeply about how rivals relax and spend their downtime.:
http://www.annarbor.com/sports/um-football/michigan-football-team-likel…
October 15th, 2012 at 10:22 AM ^
A lot of people think that harping on Sparty for thuggery is redundant, but when so many of their sins are so expertly juxtaposed, it becomes obvious that it's not the messenger who is redundant, but the generally low-class behavior that constitutes the message.
October 18th, 2012 at 12:05 AM ^
It's not redundant!
The difference between sparty and everyone else is clear. All programs have their one off instances of MIP, petty theft, DUI, or not treating your GF like a gentleman. The difference between sparty and the rest of the world quite simply is leadership.
From Hollis, to Dantonio, to Comley, et al., they promote a culture a la State Penn where athletics rules above all else. Is it any wonder the mouth breathing dregs known as their fanbase act they way they do when practical examples of leadership include jail cell to practice field?
Woudl Dantonio suspended Fitz for 'Bama? Nuff said!
October 15th, 2012 at 11:23 AM ^
I can just see those mouth-breathers over on the RCMB reading this with a perplexed look on their face. "Uhhh....what is this scUM fan trying to say about us?"
October 16th, 2012 at 11:36 PM ^
Or the other typical refrain over there... I totally got into Michigan brah but my friends decided to go to state instead.
Yawn.
October 15th, 2012 at 1:30 PM ^
This is tremendous. I'm not really one to play into the "hatery" (new word) but this is extremely well done.
Plus, I know there have been times that I could use a good face bludgeoning and didn't have a neighbor around to help. Its nice to know that, if necessary, I can make a trip there to Lansing for some, dare I say, free treatment.
October 15th, 2012 at 4:25 PM ^
They have developed state-of-the-art technology in detecting concussions. A device that appears similar to a wide-brimmed straw hat is able to rule out concussions or concussion-like syndromes even after a player has been rendered unconscious for several seconds. Electrodes extending from near the patient's temples, to a laptop computer operated by Defensive Coordinator Pat Narduzzi, provide conclusive neurological data that allows the Spartan staff to place player safety first, and unnecessary roughness, uh, first:
October 15th, 2012 at 6:13 PM ^
for some Def Leppard. Do you think we could get Special-K to play "Pour some sugar on me" this weekend?
October 15th, 2012 at 7:13 PM ^
Well, I never thought of myself as an opportunistic, calculating, unsportsman-like cheat/thug/liar/criminal/trashbag.
So long as I have the reputation, I might as well actually reap the benefits of it. Apparently I've been missing out for a long time.
OP - you're welcome.
October 16th, 2012 at 12:29 AM ^
Clearly, sir, you didn't read the post very carefully. I said only the most complimentary things about you and your fellow Spartans.
October 15th, 2012 at 7:57 PM ^
wonder why everyone's so quiet over there?
October 16th, 2012 at 2:41 PM ^
and believe me I'm just spitballing here, it may have something to do with the fact that their football team makes a dumpster fire look good.
October 16th, 2012 at 4:53 PM ^
...who are connoisseurs of a good dumpster fire.
October 16th, 2012 at 11:35 PM ^
Sparty = frontrunners.
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