silly gifs

8/31/2019 – Michigan 40, Middle Tennessee 21 – 1-0

Well, folks, it's week one.

oof pic.twitter.com/pkMetpJBXg

— Ace Anbender (@AceAnbender) September 1, 2019

Michigan fumbled on the first snap, muffed a punt, fell for the same clapping trick on four separate offsides plays, dropped a sure pick six, dropped passes, and failed to punch it in from the one against a team of ornery koalas. They were also outgaining a decent CUSA team about 450-200 with six minutes to go. (Afterwards there were Backup Events.)

Across the country other teams were experiencing week one in the same fashion, even good ones. Alabama got through a quarter against Duke without scoring. Ohio State jumped out to an early lead and then farted around for two quarters, causing the bits of their Twitter I follow to crab. Clemson… nevermind Clemson. Miami-Florida, that whole vibe, though? That's week one.

It's important to distinguish what's likely to keep happening and goofy week one stuff that will recur in about one game when Michigan plays two standard deviations below their ability. Michigan State rushing for under three yards a carry against last year's #96 SP+ defense? Likely to keep happening. Lavert Hill forgetting what hands are for? Not likely to keep happening, and also largely avoidable anyway.

week one ish [Fuller]

Bad things on defense were limited to injury issues forcing a fullback onto the field and facilitating a missed tackle on a weird TD, plus backup things late. If anything the prognosis there is better coming out of the game because Ambry Thomas is fully functional and Vincent Gray played well, for the most part. Dwumfour's injury is temporary; Jeter's probably back next week.

Offensive issues mostly fall into the unlikely to recur category as well. Michigan dorfed a bunch of things and were primarily stopped because of, and only because of, those dorfs. Concerns about Patterson's third quarter are warranted. He took a number of sacks where he held the ball too long; he had a period of inaccuracy shortly before McCaffrey came in. Maybe that's something you can chalk up to injury. Maybe that's Patterson not getting to where Michigan wants him to be.

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When not dorfing, though, there were some things. Nico Collins's touchdown felt like it could be the beginning of something with Randy Moss outlines. Who is stopping this?

As Harbaugh likes to say, nooooobody. Michigan threw 25 times in the first half, which was one off Patterson's game average from a year ago, and threw on 11 of 20 first down opportunities. I felt a small twinge of irritation when I checked the box score and Charbonnet only had 8 carries, and then I remembered what that implied.

And yet, the state of the fanbase is already in a pre-wroth state. Dylan McCaffrey got a sizeable ovation when he entered for real in the third quarter; Patterson actually fielded a smattering of boos after an admittedly bad series where he had errors on three straight plays. It is possible our eyes don't quite work right after so many beatings. PFF's All Big Ten QB this week: Shea Patterson. Because he had a bunch of bombs in addition to the above that were on point, only half of them actually caught.

Michigan has an above average number of kinks to work out for a veteran team because of a shift in offensive system. Those will probably keep popping up here and there for much of the season. But it's about ceiling, and Michigan's is about as high as Nico Collins's vertical leap.

[After THE JUMP: a constellation of men all in rotation about each other]