targeting

[Paul Sherman]

11/18/2023 – Michigan 31, Maryland 24 – 11-0, 8-0 Big Ten

Michigan got up 23-3; they'd paved Maryland on a couple touchdown drives, forced a fumble out of Taulia Tagovailoa for a touchdown, and blocked a punt. Hooray, another one of these games, can we please fast forward to next weekend. I no longer want football to be happening, because Roman Wilson has already exited this game and there is no reason to continue this exhibition before the main event.

Then the other football game happened. You know, the one before Ohio State where everyone wants to fast forward to The Game but the opponent will not cooperate and Michigan gets stuck in a slog. This one wasn't as bad as last year's Fiesta Del Field Goals against Illinois, but happy sim-to-end thoughts got replaced by grimmer ones as Michigan kept losing players and Maryland kept hanging around. There was a terrifying targeting review on Mason Graham that would have knocked him out of the first half of The Game; Myles Hinton ended up screaming very loud on camera after he got his knee rolled up on; Sherrone Moore tried one deep shot that McCarthy missed and otherwise went right to the book of Lloyd Carr Blown Leads.

Michigan did not blow the lead, instead deciding to repeatedly sack Taulia Tagovailoa until Tagovailoa freaked out and threw it to no one while standing in the endzone, and the trap game ended without much more than mild annoyance from the Michigan fans that made up a large majority of the crowd.

Now: death, fire, and doom.

----------------------------------------------------

The most important Game of all time is always this one, but this is the most important Game of all time.

Michigan has been beset by wildly exaggerated claims of malfeasance based on Connor Stalions going great lengths to get things that you can get just by asking Rutgers. Jim Harbaugh has been suspended via a ludicrous legal theory that he can be punished for acts he did not commit or know about because he "embodies the university." Ohio State fans are weeping on Twitter that Ryan Day should be forgiven because Michigan's dastardly acts invalidate consecutive three-touchdown beatdowns. They are crossing out all the Ms in their tweets except one.

You are probably aware that this has been the most irritating, enraging, and insane month in the history of my—and likely your—tenure as a Michigan fan. The non-stop chirping from people who couldn't figure out how to change a lightbulb even if Stalions gave them detailed instructions has changed a joyous, national-championship-contending season into a descent into paranoia.

That fact that all of this is bullshit will never register with the people who do not already realize all of this is bullshit. Pretty much every single former player who isn't a rival has dismissed this as penny-ante crap, but you still have the media howlers howling about banning Michigan—Blake Corum and JJ McCarthy and Mike Sainristil and Mike Barrett—from the playoff.

There is only one way to shut it all up: win. Ryan Day's successfully disrupted the Michigan football program but now he's out of excuses. Michigan has your signs? That's on you at this point. You can't beat Sherrone Moore? Not a great look, Coach Just For Men. Lose, and the ridiculous narrative that sign-stealing was the main reason Michigan won by three touchdowns in consecutive years will never die.

Only one team's getting out of this alive. That is barely a metaphor.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

53342551211_ab2a0da2cb_c

[David Wilcomes]

you're the man now, dog-2535ac8789d1b499[1]

#1 Mike Sainristil. Two interceptions will do it, yeah. The first was particularly critical, coming just as Maryland was getting momentum and threatening to drive for the lead. Tagovailoa got him a couple times but Sainristil nearly had a third INT, but for Tagovailoa throwing his late ball late enough that Sainristil could only bring it in out of bounds.

#2(T) Kenneth Grant and Mason Graham. Graham was the main motive force on various pressures. His explosion is the driver on stunts; he clears people out so badly that loopers have a truck lane to jet through. Grant, meanwhile, continues to come into his own as a truck-sized human who is supernaturally fast. Both guys tied for second on the team in tackles, as defensive tackles. Four points each.

#3 Tommy Doman. 47 yards an attempt, a long of 58, and the Punt Of The Year? Get in here, buddy.

Honorable mention: Mike Barrett punched out the fumble that Derrick Moore grabbed for a touchdown; Cam Goode got consistent QB pressure. Colston Loveland had two crucial catches and blocked well. Blake Corum did Blake Corum things.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

45: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU, #1 MSU, HM PUR, HM PSU)

23: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb, HM MSU)

20: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU, HM MSU, #1 MD)

19: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU, #1 PSU, HM MD), Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU, HM MSU, T2 MD)

15: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV, #2 PSU, T2 MD)

14: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska, #2 PUR)

13: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU, T1 PUR, HM MD)

11: AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PSU),

10: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska, T1 PUR), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU, T2 MSU, HM PUR, HM MD)

7: Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb, HM MSU, T1 PUR), Will Johnson(#3 Minn, #3 PUR, HM PSU)

6: Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers, HM MSU), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU, T1 PUR)

4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU), Josiah Stewart (HM Minn, T1 PUR), The Offensive Line (HM Minn, #3 PSU), Tommy Doman (HM ECU, #3 MD)

2:  Josh Wallace (T3 ECU), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers, HM PUR), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU, HM PSU)

1: Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Kalel Mullings (HM Minn),Keon Sabb (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU), Rod Moore (HM PUR), Rayshaun Benny (HM PSU), Cam Goode (HM MD)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Michigan's fourth quarter onslaught against Tagovailoa ends in an intentional grounding safety that closes the door on a regulation loss.

Honorable mention: Derrick Moore scores a defensive touchdown; Christian Boivin blocks a punt for a safety; Mike Sainristil intercepts two passes.

imageMARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK

Maryland gets down to the one and punches in a touchdown as Will Johnson is beat on a fade route. This is more about the Implications for next week, but the implications are there, being implied.

Honorable mention: JJ McCarthy throws two terrible passes in a row, the second of which is actually intercepted. This is also about next week vibes. Tagovailoa goes nuts in the third quarter before reverting back into the Tagovailoa pumpkin. Josh Wallace gets torched on a double move and is removed for the remainder.

NICK SAMAC PATHETIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEKsamac_thumb1

Hey! We made it through a game without issuing this! Woo!

Dishonorable mention: N/A

[After THE JUMP: BGSU revibes]
just guys being dudes [Patrick Barron]

11/16/2019 – Michigan 44, Michigan State 10 – 8-2, 5-2 Big Ten

This, finally, is what the program that used to proudly proclaim that they brought "60 minutes of unnecessary roughness" with them has been reduced to:

“I think it was a little bit of poor class on their part, poor sportsmanship to come over to our sideline barking how they were,” Michigan State linebacker Tyriq Thompson said. “It comes with the game, with the rivalry. It is what it is. Still, it’s just terrible taste.”

Whining about the Michigan sideline waving to them, and asserting an advantage in "class" immediately after a game in which one of their defensive linemen was ejected for head-hunting Shea Patterson. Last year that same guy tried to injure Michigan players, twice.

This site doesn't go in for "class." Class is a way to complain that you got your ass beat and someone enjoyed doing it to you. As Spencer Hall has asserted, great teams taunt. The least interesting question in football is whether team X ran up the score. I don't want to hear it if the answer is no. Twist the knife.

It's not like Michigan State can work harder to beat Michigan. There's nowhere else to go. So show them where things are at.

[After the JUMP: where it's at]

Hudson now less likely to get booted for questionable targeting [Eric Upchurch]

The NCAA's passed some new rules. (One thing they did not pass: the anti-grad-transfer legislation. /waves tiny flag) Let's consider them.

Overtime must end

There was a seven-OT game that ended 74-72 last year, causing consternation amongst TV executives, players, coaches, and persons who fall asleep at reasonable times. There will never be a seven OT game again:

Moving forward, if a game advances to a fifth overtime, the teams will run alternating two-point plays instead of regaining possession from the 25-yard line like in prior overtime periods. … As part of the change, the NCAA is instituting two-minute rest periods after the second and fourth overtimes.

The degenerates of college football twitter hissed at this, because seven OTs is an event to remember. People who are not into late-night delirium are more numerous, unfortunately.

If they had to bring a definite end to a football game, two-point conversions are dumb. The article linked above calls it "football's version of penalty kicks," which is correct because penalty kicks are also dumb. That crazy California playoff OT system Spencer found is way better:

The format of The California Tiebreaker is butt-simple. The ball starts on the fifty. The winner of the coin toss gets possession, and each team receives four plays to move the ball however they like in the direction of the other team’s endzone.

The weirdness kicks in here: Each team trades possessions, and works the ball from the spot where their opponent left it on the previous play. Complete a pass to the opponent’s 35 yard line on the first play? That’s where they play their first. Because this is a godly solution to football’s overtime problem, field goals and punts are not allowed. If no one scores or turns the ball over after four plays, then the victor is determined by field position.

That ends a game in exactly eight plays and features passes in which receivers can run more than 13 yards downfield.

I still think OT periods should start from the 35 so you don't get a reasonably makeable field goal for going three and out.

[After THE JUMP: targeting roulette!]

i purchased this ornamental trout server for exactly $7.86 in 1986 and demand the full purchase price, plus interest, and a written apology

When the shaving cream dries she's arrested for public indecency.

Slants! But not much else. 

i spent so long in the sun waiting for commercial breaks that i'm a joshua tree now