2012 sugar bowl

Previously in this series covering the 2010s: Favorite Blocks, QB-RB-WR, TE-FB-OL, Defensive Line, Linebacker, Secondary, Worst Calls.

We were in the midst of assembling our list of best and worst plays from the last decade of Michigan football when someone suggested that a particular incident wasn't really bad or good, but was spectacularly dumb. Someone suggested a list of smartest and dumbest plays of the decade.

It will not shock the reader that assembling the list of the most stupefying things was far easier than best, worst, or smartest. Our top ten has 11 plays in it because we remembered something halfway through. It was that kind of decade. A stupid, stupid, stupid decade.

11. Any Play Against A Service Academy, Let's Pick This One

2019 ARMY

This was an RPS -2 play that set up a touchdown for Army but it's the vibe, man. The vibe.

Michigan did this three times! They signed up to play a bunch of maniacal option fanatics three times over the past decade so they could do a bunch of military frippery pre-game. I hope those dudes parachuting into the stadium was worth three hours of bowel-clenching terror, because that's what every one of these games was.

Last year's Army game noses ahead of the two Air Force outings because it was significantly more terrifying, a game that went to overtime even with the aid of Don Brown's "MOVE" false start. Also this was the year after Army took Oklahoma—Kyler Murray Oklahoma!—to overtime, and happened mere weeks before Michigan cancelled a home and home series against UCLA.

The Black Knights had embraced the tao of option fully by going for it on any plausible fourth down. This happened four times in regulation, each of them another twist of the knife. Michigan spent the game running basic inside zone and never running the split zone play their QB ground game was built on. Michigan scored 14 points in regulation; a few weeks later Tulane would put up 42 on Army.

Every single second this was happening every Michigan fan was thinking "why are we doing this again?"

-Brian

[After THE JUMP: a journey into the heart of dorfness]

Previously in this series covering the 2010s: Worst Calls of the 2000s, Favorite Blocks, QB-RB-WR, TE-FB-OL, Defensive Line, Linebacker, Secondary

We've put these in two sections for balance: five calls that went in favor of Michigan and calls against Michigan. Calls are being judged 75% on the level of ref boner, and 25% on situational relevance (e.g. if the most insanely bad call in history is overturned on review that gets a 7.5/10—also this happened). 

Specifically Omitted Non-Errors

The Spot. Unknowable: this was an impossible call that was bound to stick with whatever was called on the field, and what was called on the field could have been anything. Yes, karmically in the context of that game and cosmically for what it did to Harbaugh's program, The Spot is emblematic of factors outside of Michigan's control having an outsized effect on how we all feel today. It's also a coin-flip that the most competent line judge in the world would call that a first down. Complaining about The Spot is a bad look.

Canny Doale. Danny Coale's overturned completion in the Sugar Bowl is also left off the list. Here again is a call that infuriates the people at the business end of it because of the karma built up at that point by other calls. Also because the announcers didn't know the catch rule, which is a weird rule. VT fans stick around: you absolutely got screwed in this game.

It Wasn't the Refs. Calling the 2011 WMU game early because of weather does not make the list because that was an agreement between Michigan's and WMU's athletic directors, not the officials.

Correct. It was pointed out to me that Penn State fans are mad about the offsides on PSU's successful onside kick in the Coach Failtacular of 2014. I watched it again three times to be sure but it's not even close: he was offsides. Also not offsides: the final stuff of 2015 Minnesota, which complaint warrants mention only because it's why I named our segments with Steve Lorenz "Inside the Crooked Blue Line."

In Which Making the Incorrect Call Was Absolutely the Correct Call (2016 Rutgers)

You’re Rutgers, it's 57-0, Michigan is well into your territory again, and the only thing their fans haven’t gotten yet for their price of admission is to see the cannons fire. Since the offense responsible for giving the artillerymen cause has yet to record a first down, the chances of that aren’t great. Now, as they chant “Fire the can-non” the cannoneers' pride is the only hope of yours.

The third stringer’s in—the onetime “five-star” recruit everybody knows they’re planning to ship off to some directional MAC school. He got to throw a block last play, because everybody’s getting a career highlight at your expense tonight. The scrub now drops back to throw. There isn’t even play-action, is how little they respect you. But it’s low. There’s some commotion—pass interference? probably a pass interference flag—no, the ball’s ricocheted into the air. It’s going to be caught! OMIGOD that’s Deonte Roberts! Your GUY! He’s going to SCORE! TOUCHDOWN RUTGERS! FIRE THE CANNON!

BOOM!

Oh man, you gotta see the replay of that! It’s….oh, that bounced right of the turf. But it was right in front of that ref and he didn’t signal incomplete, so maybe he’s a competent human being who saw something you didn’t. And just like that…

it’s gone. Michigan then scores with a walk-on fullback. It's a great play by that guy. Probably a career highlight.

[After THE JUMP: Five times Michigan was bailed out, and otherwise.]

A man in my position cannot afford to be made to look ridikuhlis.

Ace: Brian and I did a segment on this week's podcast in which we each listed our top five most ridiculous games of the Hoke era. Not only were our bottom three picks entirely different, but between Twitter and the comments at least a dozen games that didn't make the cut were suggested as meriting inclusion, and... it was really hard to argue with a lot of them.

So let's try this again. List and explain your top five, perhaps mention a few dishonorable mentions, and feel free to explain your methodology—I'm intentionally leaving "ridiculous" open to interpretation.

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BiSB: I just drew up a quick list of candidates. There are 16 games on that list. I HATE ALL THE THINGS.

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Ace: Now remember that the very first game Hoke coached featured two Brandon Herron touchdowns and was called due to a biblical storm before the third quarter ended...

Even the wins, man. Even the wins.

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[After the jump: we discuss 60% of the games under Hoke]