100% complete annihilation

[Bryan Fuller]

There is a place. You are next to other people from opposing clans. Sometimes they say a thing. Then, you choose. You always choose. No matter what the circumstances are, or how you feel, you still have a choice. Michigan State had that choice at halftime. Patrick helpfully documented it. This is what happens in the Michigan tunnel when the hooting starts and nobody turns around to throw PB&Js:

I know that noise, now. It is the same one from Kirk Herbstreit's video from last year's Ohio State game and the same one from the Penn State game and the same one from this video. The opposing team goes down the tunnel; Michigan is delayed; Michigan is released. And then there is a perfect thing. 125 persons, give or take, all collectively go "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH". No intelligible sentiments. Just a vibe. A vibe that is apparently driving opposition football teams insane. 

Because this is no different than what happens every week. The officials delay Michigan every time. To engage, you have to turn around. That's a choice. It's a choice two football teams made over the past year, but not Michigan State. They receive one point.

---------------------------------

I have bad news about ensuing decisions.

It is also a choice to respond to something someone said by getting them on the ground and kicking them in the head or swinging your helmet at them. I wish this doesn't have to be said, but evidently it very much does: nothing Gemon Green or Ja'Den McBurrows could have done with their mouths warrants aggravated assault. Their major sin was not being from the state and thinking that a Michigan State program that was just blasted off the field could be trusted to not beat them with helmets and cleats. They thought this was a normal game against normal people, like it was against Penn State:

They were wrong, and now they know.

Everyone knows. This is who Michigan State is and will continue to be. MSU has posted some vague suspensions, probably because the Big Ten has made it clear that "nothing" will not fly as a punishment. The fired president of the university issued a boilerplate apology that is remarkable only in its source. Even that statement seemingly enraged the already-enraged board. Six hours later the board announced that Stanley's interim successor would be named at noon today. Maybe it'll be John Engler, since it's time to circle the wagons again.

Meanwhile the rest of the MSU media sphere is either downplaying the post-game incidents, blaming the people not swinging the helmets, or straight up approving. Rivals's Jim Comparoni wrote an article blaming Jim Harbaugh—last seen not kicking anyone—that Ace has helpfully deconstructed. Here's a taste from MSU's apologist-in-chief:

Radio host Rico Beard said nothing in the aftermath except to retweet someone saying "now u want to cry." Former MSU TE Chris Baker:

image

Poke a random thread on the wretched hive of scum and villany that is the largest MSU message board on the internet and you'll get people who are 95% furious that Mel Tucker issued the same sort of boilerplate apology:

Mel Tucker is satisfied with his 95 million and has no fight left in him. Looked absolutely clownish making sure he shook Jim’s hand at the end of the game even though Jim had no time for him. And now confessing remorse without questioning Michigan’s role. He is broken. …

Stanley can choke on his mask and get fukced. GTFO already. …

If we do have a PR firm they are pathetic. The school needs to find a top notch one asap … Until we do that nothing will change in recruiting or perception of the athletics and school as a whole

I promise you that no one inside that program has an ounce of remorse this morning. The only ones who regret anything are the guys who wrote Mel Tucker a 95 million dollar check because he lucked into a Doak Walker winner buried on the Wake Forest depth chart.

Gemon Green is pressing charges, and he should, because he was assaulted by a program that has absolutely no ethics not imposed upon them by outside forces. It's not four guys who are the problem. There were dozens of Michigan State players and officials in that tunnel, and exactly none of them tried to intervene. I've been saying this for years. This is who they are.

But anyway. Bye.

52465510084_cb386848a6_k

Michigan has bigger things to do this year than listen to little brother say the tunnel was too narrow and Jaden McBurrows shouldn't have been skipping.

-------------------------------------------

Nothing changes about the tunnel. It's been like that for 95 years and will be like that for another 95. If there's weaponized hooting now, so be it. It's not up to Michigan to respond like functional adults when someone does something mildly annoying. This our vibe now. Take the L, and get the fuck out of our tunnel.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

52465527530_8868e0cffd_k

[Barron]

you're the man now, dog-2535ac8789d1b499[1]

#1 Blake Corum. 177 yards on 33 carries and was one ankle tackle away from breaking a couple of long ones. Slipped out of tackle after tackle, beefed up when it was short yardage, would not go down to the first guy.

#2 Kris Jenkins. Major factor in Michigan's two fourth and one stops, and singlehandedly rescued a couple of other plays in situations where it looked like Michigan was beat by alignment. First among many in quest to hold down MSU's ground game.

#3 Jake Moody. Night would have been a lot more nervous if Moody hadn't gone 5/5 on field goals, including a 54-yarder.

Honorable mention: Mazi Smith also had a hand in the first fourth down stop and helped stone the MSU run game. JJ McCarthy's timely scrambles converted a few important first downs. Luke Schoonmaker had a productive day as a blocker and receiver. Rod Moore helped shut down the one thing that worked for MSU and prevented any dignity drive from scoring with an interception. The Offensive Line kept McCarthy clean (no sacks) and paved the way for a 276 yard rushing output.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

35: Blake Corum (#2 CSU, #2 Hawaii, HM UConn, #1 Maryland, #2 Iowa. HM Indiana, T2 PSU, #1 MSU)

20: JJ McCarthy (#1 Hawaii, #2 UConn, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, #3 Indiana, HM PSU, HM MSU)

16: Ronnie Bell (HM CSU, HM Hawaii, #1 UConn, #2 Indiana, HM PSU), Mike Morris (T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, #1 Iowa, T1 Indiana, #3 PSU)

13: Mazi Smith (#1 CSU, T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, HM MSU), Kris Jenkins (#3 UConn, T3 Hawaii, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana, #2 MSU)

12: The Offensive Line (#3 Iowa, #1 PSU, HM MSU)

7: Gemon Green (HM UConn, T2 Maryland, HM PSU)

5: DJ Turner (T2 Maryland), Junior Colson (#3 CSU, HM UConn, HM PSU), Luke Schoonmaker (T3 Maryland, HM Iowa, HM Indiana, HM MSU)

4: Eyabi Okie (HM CSU, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana),  Donovan Edwards (HM Hawaii, T2 PSU), Jake Moody (HM PSU, #3 MSU).

3: Derrick Moore (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Jaylen Harrell (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Mason Graham (HM Hawaii, HM Iowa, HM Indiana), Rod Moore (HM CSU, HM Indiana, HM MSU)

2: Roman Wilson (HM CSU, HM Hawaii), Max Bredeson (T3 Maryland), Joel Honigford (T3 Maryland), Mike Sainristil (HM Maryland, HM Indiana)

1: Braiden McGregor (HM CSU), Makari Paige (HM Hawaii), Rayshaun Benny (HM Hawaii), Cornelius Johnson (HM Hawaii), , AJ Henning (HM UConn), Caden Kolesar (HM UConn), RJ Moten (HM Maryland),

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

MSU runs six plays in the third quarter for a total of eight yards as Michigan puts the game to bed.

Honorable mention: Moody hits a 54-yarder. Snap hijinks result in a turnover. Corum is eventually the recipient on a very complicated play from the two that scores. MSU OT takes an incredibly stupid penalty on their July drive, terminating it.

image?MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Michigan State decides to go American History X on a couple of Michigan players in the tunnel after the game.

Honorable mention: Nearly back-to-back mossings equal a quick MSU touchdown and their only lead of the game. Cornelius Johnson fumbles on Michigan's first drive. A rad Ronnie Bell catch is overturned and Michigan refuses to go for it on fourth and three, so Brad Robbins doesn't get a second straight game without a punt.

[After THE JUMP: actual football!]
You will feel something today. [Bryan Fuller]

Label Notes: Reminder that I’m combining all scores (except QB) in the charting. p=pass pro, y=YAC, c=catch, b=block for RBs, and route=route. It might be more than one or an odd number, in which case the higher one goes first, so if you see something like “Wilson(+3croute) that means Wilson got a +2 for a difficult catch and +1 for running a good route. Capital letters in the formations refer to skill positions: R=RB or tailback, S=superback (2nd RB), Y=inline TE, F=off-line TE, X=split end (WR on weak side), Z=flanker (WR on strong side), H=Slot.

Formation Notes: Michigan spent much of its day in Gun Wk Z Tight, which is just Twins but a WR tight to the line instead of a tight end, then mostly ran to the backside of this. As you can see in the same clip, Ohio State broke out a Bear front that I called Hurricane in the charting. The number after is how many safeties they left high, e.g. Hurricane 1:

image

Substitution Notes: Trueblueintexas had the snap counts. Six McCarthy snaps. Line was Hayes-Keegan-Vastardis-Zinter-Stueber the whole way (no Filiaga). All got the most important snaps but was still a little lame and Schoonmaker closed it out with Honigford and two Selzer snaps.

[After THE JUMP: Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about reveling in this is a sad person who never has to be listened to ever again.]

[Marc-Gregor Campredon]

9/18/2021 – Michigan 63, Northern Illinois 10 – 3-0

Fortunes change quickly in MAC (and, er, Pac-12) bodybag season. The aftermath of last week was a lot of people pointing and yelling about one half of an equation when both halves were true. The aftermath this week is a lot of people considering maybe thinking about proposing to run at the football Lucy is holding. Transitive football has been invoked.

You see, Rudy: Michigan hammered Northern Illinois like it was not there, and Northern Illinois beat Georgia Tech, and Georgia Tech was a yard and a two-point conversion away from overtime with Clemson. Therefore Michigan should be a ~53 point favorite over Clemson. It's science.

Add in Washington getting off the mat and Western Michigan beating Pitt and things get stupid fast.

You probably skipped over the "no predictive value" bit as you look longingly at that football poised under the girl in the blue dress's finger. Even if you did, it's little defense. The things that are supposed to have predictive value are also inviting you to have a run. SP+ with priors—ie, Connolly's baby—has Michigan sixth. ESPN's other predictive ranking system, FPI, puts them at the same spot.

This is a far cry from rampant 7-5 predictions preseason. MVictors' "Mood" has shot up in a few short weeks:

imageI'm not going to tell anyone how to feel. I am merely going to suggest that you are all fools and we are doomed. Okay, yeah, Blake Corum. Okay, yeah, Ohio State's running around demoting their defensive coordinator mid-season. Okay, sure, the defense is checking in well above expectations.

A rational person would be experiencing cautious optimism at this point… if he could block out the entire recent history of Michigan football. A rational person who cannot do that would measure the potential upside of investing versus the downside and hoard all his emotional chips on the sideline. Or maybe whatever, life's for living. Let's open up the possibility of ruining a weekend again. Maybe that is your decision, if you are a fool. A person with no ability to judge risk. A straight-up innumerate weirdo.

Yes, I'm talking myself out of it.

-----------------------------------------

Even your author—high up on the list of skeptical Michigan fans and thus high up on the list of skeptics worldwide—has to admit there is a tremor in there.

You can get a sense of how much stupid your team contains even against the dregs of college football—ask FSU. Every college team has some, just waiting for the right moment to come out of its cage and do just fine in its quest to make heads explode and surrender cobras bloom like so many wildflowers. Nobody is immune; some teams veritably drip with it. Many Michigan teams of recent vintage have.

To date, Michigan's level of stupid is shockingly minimal. There have not been guys handwavingly wide open. The running backs are perfect metronomes. They haven't turned the ball over. The punts are fair caught. The kicks go in the endzone. The offensive line has been creepily efficient at preventing opponents from blitzing into the backfield.

This is coming off a season so rife with stupid stuff that the NIU quarterback, who had 18 passing yards for most of this game, had 323 in his Michigan State incarnation, more than half of them to a guy who was also in a famous Vine. They deep-sixed the defensive staff and made Sherrone Moore the OL coach, displacing Ed Warinner with a guy who'd never officially coached the spot. One of the new, touted defensive coaches left for Buffalo a couple weeks into his Michigan career.

In short, this makes no sense. No amount of offseason turnover should result in this drastic reduction in stupid, let alone the seemingly chaotic turnover of 2021. So I don't trust it. But I am, like, looking at it. I look at it and I see it and I wait to be informed I am on an acid trip and the squirrel is actually a fox.

antichrist

I look at it, and don't trust it, but it is there. Resolving into something. Maybe this is a weird season and Michigan will benefit. In a year more reminiscent of chaos seasons of 15 years ago than the usual Alabama trudge of late, Michigan looks remarkably unchaotic. For now. I'm still squinting.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

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hey let's make pancakes [Campredon]

-2535ac8789d1b499[1]you're the man now, dog

 

#1 Your Offensive Line. I mean, four different backs averaged at least 6.2 YPC. McNamara was not sacked and had eons of time to hit Johnson on the long TD. OL got out in front of Henning's edge plays, and obliterated everyone on the interior.

#2 Hassan Haskins, Blake Corum, and Donovan Edwards. Combine for 267 yards on 30 carries and you might make it up in this section. IMO Corum remains a nose or six ahead of the pack but the ability to keep everyone fresh and not make anyone in particular Chris Perry in that one MSU game is hugely valuable. 3 points each! Sure!

#3 AJ Henning. 70 yards in punt returns and two explosive offensive touches slides him in front of a couple other candidates.

Honorable mention: There was so much rotation on the D that nobody got a ton of time to stand out, but both Nikhai Hill-Green and Josh Ross came up with sticks; Gemon Green grabbed a deflection; Dax Hill had a drive-ending PBU. Cornelius Johnson's double move was rad.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

16: The OL (#1 Wash, #1 NIU)

11: Blake Corum (#2 WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU)

8: Ronnie Bell (#1 WMU)

7: Hassan Haskins (HM WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU)

6: Aidan Hutchinson (HM WMU, #2 Wash)

4: AJ Henning (HM WMU, #3 NIU), Dax Hill (#3 WMU, HM NIU)

3: Donovan Edwards(T2 NIU).

2: Josh Ross (HM Wash, HM NIU)

1: Andrew Vastardis (HM WMU),Mike Sainristil (HM WMU), Brad Robbins (HM Wash), Jake Moody (HM Wash), Mazi Smith (HM Wash), Nikhai Hill-Green(HM NIU), Gemon Green(HM NIU), Cornelius Johnson(HM NIU)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Michigan executes a two-minute drill with one 87-yard pass to Cornelius Johnson, adding another data point to the "Cade McNamara has a deep ball" column.

Honorable mention: More or less any running play. Michigan forces a turnover.

image​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

The one drive NIU had in the competitive section of the football game.

Honorable mention: Uh, Henning let a couple punts bounce? The holding call that brought back Franklin's touchdown.

[After THE JUMP: more SP+ madness]

stuffed a four-seed in a trash can

hey! that's my line! 

FORTY THREE TO SIX

broke 'em

someone get a stuffed beaver to rub in kenny demens's face 

in the course of writing this post I discovered the Rifleman's Creed is real 

espn

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

it's over 

i said good day, sir

beat 'em down